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Every month in Connect, The AFA will feature a different list of supporters, professional members, and donors. This month, we'd like to thank the following:
Platinum Sponsors
Fertility Centers of Illinois
IVF Florida Reproductive Associates
Reproductive Biology Associates
Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte
Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York
Shady Grove Fertility Centers
Gold Sponsors
California Fertility Partners
Fertility Center of the Carolinas
Georgia Reproductive Specialists
Pacific Fertility Center
Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut
Reproductive Science Center of New England
Reproductive Science Center of the San Francisco Bay Area
Silver Sponsors
Building Families, Inc.
California Cryobank
Center for Male Reproductive Medicine and Microsurgery - Weill Cornell Medical College
Diane Michelsen, Esq.
Fertility Source Companies
Genesis Fertility & Reproductive Medicine
Happy Beginnings, LLC
Heartfelt Egg Donation
HM Risk Group
Judith Hoechst, Esq.
Lotus Blossom Consulting
Open Arms Consultants
Pacific Reproductive Services Sperm & Fertility Center
Reproductive Possibilities, LLC
Steven H. Snyder & Associates
Professional Members
Stephanie Schacher, Psy.D.
Windy Ezell, M.A., L.P.C.
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Happy Love Day. No Really. I Mean It. 
I've had two little heart-shaped boxes of chocolate hidden in my cabinet for about a month now. Come Feb.14th, I will give them to each of my kids when they come home from school. Being a single mom, my twins are my most favorite heart throbs and always will be.
I've often wondered if the stress of infertility and then the added stress of premature birth, delivery, and hospitalization contributed to the marital stress that eventually landed me in divorce court. I hope your infertility war story doesn't include this particular chapter, but you may, unfortunately, find yourself in this position as well.
In the words of the legendary (but also once-divorced) John Lennon, "Life's what happens while you're busy making other plans." If your plans happened to include freezing your embryos prior to going through a break-up or the ending of a marriage, February's issue of Connect may prove very valuable for you.
There's other good stuff in here too. Remember, your heart needs more than just love to stay healthy. President Obama has declared February to be American Heart Month Keeping yourself healthy is good for heart, mind and fertility. Also look for Love Tips From Our Members, so whether you're reading this issue while blissfully cuddled up to your honey, or scrolling through it seconds before you check your email on Match.com, I wish you happy reading. And also Happy Valentine's Day - The AFA Editor
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A NEW TWIST ON THE CUSTODY BATTLE: FROZEN EMBRYOS
By Judith Kottick, L.C.S.W. and Marie Davidson, Ph.D.
Valentine's Day is an occasion to commemorate love and commitment to one's partner. For couples raising children it is an opportunity to focus on each other, often a scheduling challenge in the heavy child-rearing years. However, when separation, divorce and/or custody battles are on the table, Valentine's Day can be a reminder of the loss of love and the intact family that many people claim as a life goal. This would not be a day to anticipate with any enthusiasm.
For people who have experienced infertility in their effort to build a family, separation or divorce can signal a new area of conflict that may be a challenge to the couple as well as the professionals involved in resolving the dissolution of the relationship. This 21st century challenge involves the disposition of frozen embryos, usually created within the context of the parents' own family building efforts through in vitro fertilization. These cryopreserved embryos can test a person's faith, emotions and moral beliefs, making the issue as contentious as any other in a separation or divorce agreement.
Read More
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Yours or Mine?
By Melissa B. Brisman, Esq. and Nancy M. Hartzband, Esq.
While it's a safe bet that it won't be the most romantic activity pursued on Valentine's Day, couples may want to think about their cyropreserved (frozen) embryos, to be sure that they are on "the same page" and that their intentions for future use and disposition have been addressed in a written and signed document.
It's hard enough for divorcing couples to reach an agreement over the custody of children born to the marriage. Imagine the difficulty in determining the custody of potential children as a result of embryos, created from the egg and sperm of a divorcing couple? Because couples have turned to the legal system to consider the status of the cryopreserved embryos, U.S. Courts have had no choice but to confront the competing interests of couples, who created embryos during happier times. Within the judicial system, embryos are considered neither children nor property but are afforded special respect because of their potential to become human life.
Read more
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Keeping Love Alive: How to Maintain Intimacy During the Infertility Journey
By Marie Davidson, Ph.D.
Infertility and infertility treatment is a grueling experience. For most couples, it comes with a series of surprise challenges to their relationship. Before trying to conceive you may have had problems, as any couple does. Throw the disappointment and scariness of an infertility diagnosis into the mix, add the pressures of treatment, and you have a relationship thrown off balance, if not into an actual crisis. How do you manage a crisis like this, which has no obvious rules of engagement and also seems to have no dependable timeline to a resolution?
The first step is to understand that the infertility experience affects every couple relationship. There are no exceptions, and no one entirely escapes from problems that affect their self-image, intimacy with their partner, and their sexual lives. The next step is to educate yourselves about what you are up against, so you can face it together. It really isn't fair for her to "do all the research" or for him to "just be strong for her". The more you can do this together, the stronger your coupleness will be. Inform yourselves well, make treatment choices together, and do your best to not allow the fertility quest to take over your lives, as it will threaten to do. Then allow the loving feelings and positive history you have with your partner to guide you. If ever there was a time in your relationship to be considerate and tender toward your partner, this is one of those times.
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Love Tips From Our Members
From Beth Rasmussen:
My husband and I committed to writing one another a letter every week when we were going through IF treatment. The only rule was that we were not allowed to talk about our IF treatments in the letter - for us, it was awesome because it forced us to focus on other things that were happening in our marriage & other relationships & helped keep us from getting totally caught up in anxiety & being consumed by treatment. Even though we're now moving onto adoption after unsuccessful IF treatment, we've continued writing our letters each week. I truly treasure them & love re-reading them. :)
From Stephanie Fry:
During my intramuscular injections (IM shots, I've had tons) I used to eat a piece of chocolate while my husband gave me the shot. When it was over he always gave me a heating pad massage on the side that took the needle. Not only does this feel great and preserve intimacy but it prevents the progesterone from forming a stiff uncomfortable ball in your upper thigh. So, you have chocolate, massage and an IM shot ... what a combo! Believe it or not I used actually look forward to my shots. It was a nice time for us to stop and reconnect every day
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A Guy's Top 5 Tips for Easing Valentines Day Anxiety:
Guys - Valentines Day can be the worst experience in the world, or it can be the best. I remember going back and forth on what to do so many times that I ended up defaulting to whatever box of chocolates was left at the drugstore. It's not that an inexpensive box of chocolates is a bad gift. It's that your main squeeze can tell the thought that did or didn't go into the the gift you're giving her. Dude to dude, here's a top five list that will really work. Really.
1 - Practical: make the bed, do the dishes, or rub her feet.
2 - Observant: take notice of something - her hair, her clothes, or the perfume she's wearing - and pay her a truly heartfelt compliment.
3 - Romantic: give her a massage, take a bath together, or open a bottle of champagne and just chill in each other's arms.
4 - Creative: read her a poem, sing her a song, or compose something of your own to share.
5 - Grand: take her out for dinner to that exclusive restaurant, buy her the purse that she's been eyeing, or sweep her away overnight.
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The AFA's Event Calendar
There are events taking place across the country to help educate and support you on your family building journey. Please take a look through our calendar to find classes, discussion groups, workshops and emotional support groups on infertility, adoption, third party reproduction and LGBT family building.
To learn about all of The AFA's support groups, including those for Mind/Body and Over 40 issues,click here.
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The AFA's LGBT family building handbook, Building The Family of Our Dreams," is now available for Kindle!
Comprehensive handbook on medical and legal aspects of third party reproduction, and adoption. Click here to download.
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