Ferring Pharmaceuticals, Inc. is the Presenting Sponsor of the AFA Website
The AFA thanks Google, a premiere sponsor, for their online advertising grant.
The American Fertility Association Blog
December
December 23, 2008 - Tuesday
Posted by Corey
You know, Ken asked me to write a blog on Chanukah. I had to laugh, I’m the resident Jew of The AFA but not at all religious. These days, non religious people like to call themselves “spiritual”. I’m not that either. So I knew I wouldn’t be able to fake it.
To me, Christmas, and Chanukah too, have an almost pagan, earthy feeling. It’s the winter solstice, it’s the time of year when the days die early and it’s bloody cold. And we as a species need to create the light. We need to create the warmth. We need to create the celebration. And what does that really mean – to me it simply means that we need to be with each other. With our families – the people we love most. For some of us it’s our kids, our parents, our cousins. For some it’s our dear friends. But our beautiful, loving, passionate and often quite awful species needs to be with each other.
It points out our naked vulnerability, that we created holiday around the time of such dark and cold. And it points out our splendid possibility, that we know enough to come together, in the name of love, in the name of light, to gather around the fire in a cave, or around a TV set watching “It’s a Wonderful Life”. We know how to hold back the darkness. Through togetherness. Through love.
So I have to say, I’m so grateful for my kids, so grateful. I am so grateful for my family and my friends. And I am so grateful that even in a tiny, tiny way through my work, I am a cog in a wheel that helps people to realize their dream of family, of love. For all of us in this work, we are cogs in the wheel.
Happy holidays all.
Love
Corey
Categories
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
“Nothing’s Handed To You”
December 18, 2008 - Thursday
Posted by Lisa
Since I was six years old, I’ve always loved the game of basketball. My dad played the game throughout his childhood and into high school and college back in his day. Ever since I have been in the picture, my dad has helped me love the game. I’m now a senior two-year starter on the varsity team as the shooting guard. Basketball will never get old for me, but the way this season has gone, I’ve learned a lot about myself.
As a senior, supposing I do not play at the college level, this is the last time I will be playing basketball in a competitive atmosphere. Now I am sure that does not mean too much to many people, but for me, part of my life will be gone in about 3-4 months. Currently, my senior season has been somewhat dismal. Our team is 1-7; that is one win, seven losses. With the exception of probably two of those loses, the others have been embarrassing blowouts. Coach Bake, after the games asks us one question regardless of the outcome of the game: “How bad do you want it?” By the looks of the scoreboard, and the mindset of the team, we do not want to win. The majority of the team is satisfied to have a jersey and run out in front of the fans that are slowly disappearing.
This Friday, we take on our rival - Garner High School. Now that I am on winter break, I’ve had plenty of time to do some thinking, and I hope the other members of the team have as well. I want to be successful. Sometimes, things are not just handed to you. On Friday, Southeast will not show up against Garner and simply win. We have to play like we haven’t played all year. If you want something you have to work for it, and Friday, we will work for it. Apply this as you may, but this season has taught me to not wait around for something to be handed to me.
Have A Great Holiday Season,
John Taylor
Categories
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
The Dignity of the Person
December 17, 2008 - Wednesday
Posted by Ken
I’ve received several calls over the past few days asking if The AFA was going to “take on the Vatican.” I admit that I was a bit smitten with the “David vs. Goliath” imagery, but quickly got over that. I am going to respond to the latest document “Dignitas Personae,” or “The Dignity of the Person,” issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, but we’re not going to “take on” the Vatican. That is not our place.
A little background: I’m a gay man in a committed relationship for the past 15 years. I’m also a Catholic. Traditionalists would tell me that without assenting to all of the teachings of the Church, including those on human sexuality, I cannot be a Catholic. Liberals applaud me for sharing my “lived experience” as a Catholic in an honest and forthright way, and claim that I, like many others, are leading the way, and the Church will eventually recognize this. I’m not comfortable with either description. I prefer to think of myself as honestly wrestling with my faith, doing my best to live my life in integrity and at the same time trying to hear the Church’s teaching with an open heart.
You’d think it would be easy to write off the Bishops of the Church as a bunch of out of touch old men. I tried doing so. But for those of us for whom being Catholic is more than just a label, but rather something that is in our bones, it just doesn’t work for long. Many years ago, I shared with my Pastor that I was gay, and wondered how we could support the many other gay Catholics that attended our parish. At our Pastor’s suggestion, we formed a small faith community of five people, our Pastor included, and for the next nine months we met on a monthly basis, sharing our stories of faith and talking frankly about the disconnect we felt between the teachings of the Church and what we were experiencing in our lives. At the conclusion of the nine months, we launched Gay & Lesbian Outreach, which now claims 300 members - at this one parish.
We did not change Church teaching. But we did gain something and give something: a safe place where people could come and discuss the reality of their lives, and in doing so, be truly heard and treated with dignity and respect. And we helped the clergy understand in a very real way that Church teaching affects not just “lives”, but the lives of people they knew and loved and cared for. And we saw a subtle but continual change in the words and actions of others. In short, the community began to come together as just that - a community. Diverse and not always in agreement, but united in spirit nonetheless. Years later, when a couple of straight women in the parish decided to have kids as single moms by choice, our Pastor’s response was, well, pastoral. He welcomed them to have their children baptized, and I couldn’t help but think that we helped to pave the way.
So to those of you who are Roman Catholic and have children via IVF or are in the process of having IVF, talk to your Pastors. Let them know that you love both your Catholic faith and your children. That the very conscious decision to have children via IVF was born out of perhaps the most loving and intimate conversation that people can ever have. That the hoped for child or the one already here is perhaps even more precious because of the sacrifices - on so many levels - that went into making the decision and ultimately bringing the baby to term. Let them know that if they feel compelled to speak about the subject to also remember that there may be children present who know their origins, and what seems like a simple sermon explaining Church teaching can take an ugly turn towards denigrating human beings.
And by all means, if you hear preaching that does, in fact, denigrate children born of IVF or their parents, speak up. Let your pastors know that you are counting on them for spiritual care, even if you disagree on some issues. Finally, if your children do know that they were born as a result of IVF, and you feel it’s appropriate, talk to them in advance about this. Let them know that they are loved beyond measure, and that this particular teaching in no way alters that love or lessens their value as human beings, and that God, and yes, even the Church Fathers, above all things, value life, no matter how it was conceived.
I realize that this is probably not as satisfying for some as a good old-fashioned rant, but as I approach 50, I more often come down on the side of conversation and the importance of just showing up, authentically. Of being a witness to what you believe by simply being.
So I encourage you to be, and to be proud. You’ll be amazed at the change it creates - for good.
Ken Mosesian
Executive Director
The American Fertility Association
Categories
Family Building •
IVF
(4) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
The Christmas Spirit
December 8, 2008 - Monday
Posted by Lisa
Well it’s that time of year, and undoubtedly my favorite time of year. This past weekend, my Christmas season really kicked off. I’ve never been one to go to parades, but on Saturday, me and two of my friends went to the Garner Christmas Parade. On any given Saturday morning, especially at 8:30, I am a pretty grumpy individual. But this Saturday was different, hah! I mean, how can you be grumpy during the Christmas season? You tell me. Everyone in the parade from Santa Clause to my girlfriend had the Christmas spirit in full effect. Saturday was an exciting reminder that Christmas is right around the corner.
Sitting on the floor in my living room writing this, I began to think; there’s plenty of people out there who can’t get in the Christmas spirit. So back to my question: How can you be grumpy during the Christmas season? Well don’t sweat it, I’ll answer. With infertility looming over an individuals head, even Santa Clause and Christmas trees couldn’t make him or her happy. One person comes to mind now that I think about it. One of my teachers who has been a big influence in my life. It’s Christmas season, but I can tell that a child is really all she wants when I see her everyday in the hallway at school - but even the jolly guy in a red suit can’t bring that. It’s going to take a lot more than some Christmas wishes to make this one come true. I honestly am at a loss of what to do in order to help, but if I could see her in the Christmas spirit, I’d be more than happy. The closer we get to Christmas, the faster the biological clock ticks.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all, and hope everyone’s holiday season is in full effect. Be thankful for what you have, because everyone doesn’t have it.
Thanks for your time,
John Taylor
Categories
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Our Bodies Ourselves?
December 8, 2008 - Monday
Posted by Corey
I came of age in the seventies, what an amazing time that was. I still become nostalgic for that time when I smell strawberry lipgloss or hear early Joni Mitchell songs. In college, the female manifesto reigned supreme – feminine anger at rules created, and upheld, in a man’s world. We could have sex with anyone that we wanted to, and put on a power suit with really big shoulder pads and get a hugely significant, high powered, important, world altering job. But still, I remember quite vividly my total silence and lack of action when a potential employer put, and kept, his hand on my rear end during a job interview. I was seventeen then. It never occurred to me to tell him to stop, or to tell anyone else about it, least of all my mother.
A mother myself now, I think a lot about young women today and what it means to own your own body, in 2008. What if you’re broke, in college, and are contemplating becoming a surrogate or an egg donor. When I was in college I lived on Spaghettios and canned corn and probably would have done it myself. In those days my protein meals were reserved for date nights and boy, $8,000 would have sounded like a lot of money.
So how would I feel if my daughter became a donor? Wow, there’s a question I would rather not answer. Sort of the way I would feel if she needed an abortion.
What if my daughter wasn’t broke, but felt the call to buoy up the dreams of another woman, to help her to be a mommy, if that woman was infertile. Would I feel differently about her choice? Would my heart hurt any less? This is what’s so. I trust my daughter, and her ability to make her own choices and I think that that is the bottom line. I am there to support her but to accept her own decisions for herself. And her body belongs to her, not to me.
Anyone who saw the cover of last week’s New York Times couldn’t help but be struck by the apparent (or contrived?) difference in class, money, LIFE, between the woman who needed to hire a surrogate and the woman who would assume that role. Was one woman a good girl and one a bad girl? Did one need our protection? Was one woman a heroine and the other one an exploiter?
So this is what’s in my heart. I don’t think so. I think they were both simply women, making choices that served their own needs. And their needs, and decisions, are best realized by themselves and no one else. I believe in the power of women. I think we can make our own choices for our bodies and ourselves.
Categories
(1) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink