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The American Fertility Association Blog
A Message From The Acting Executive Director
June 6, 2008 - Friday
Posted by Ken
August 13, 2004 – I remember the day well. Our marriage was declared null and void by the State of California.
We weren’t alone. Others received the same notice that we did. We were part of a few thousand gay and lesbian couples who were married at City Hall in San Francisco, when Mayor Gavin Newsom took a bold stance for marriage equality.
Having the state tell us that our marriage wasn’t worth the paper it was written on wasn’t unexpected, but it was shocking nonetheless.
Though we had been together for 10 years, those seven months or so had felt different. We began talking about what it meant to be married, to have that piece of paper that said we were bound – in the very best way – to each other. Yes, we had a commitment ceremony at our church, and yes, we knew we were married in the eyes of God, but that damned piece of paper and what it represented – the rights and privileges the we had only dared to dream that we might one day possess – meant more than we could have imagined.
And then there were the practical benefits that our straight counterparts never had to think about. We couldn’t travel without carrying all of our documents with us: durable powers of attorney, both medical and legal, and our wills. Why? Because, should an emergency befall one of us, our 10 year relationship would be considered nothing more than a “friendship” at the Emergency Room, and we would have absolutely no say in each others care, and no right to be present with each other, even if one of us was dying.
May 15, 2008 - The California Supreme Court strikes down the ban on so-called “gay marriage.” Another day I will remember extremely well. A moderately conservative Republican majority court went so far as to declare that any law that discriminates on the basis of sexual orientation will be constitutionally suspect. It was a spectacular day for human rights, human dignity and human justice.
Chief Justice Ronald M. George, writing for the majority, stated “Our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation. An individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights.”
For gay and lesbian couples with children, or wishing to have children, this is fantastic news. It means that as a married couple they will automatically have co-equal parental rights. It means that they will have access to health insurance for an adopted child from the time it is placed in their home, not the average of six months later, when the adoption is final. This is something that married, heterosexual couples never had to contend with.
It means that estate planning and probate law, both of which are state-based, will now apply equally to gay and lesbian married couples. Children will have dependant rights from both dads and both moms, and there will be no concern about inheritance issues.
In short, marriage will confer what it is intended to confer: security for the couple and protection for their children.
Unfortunately, being a married gay couple will still not be equal to being a married straight couple, because the rights and responsibilities conferred from a federal level will not apply. So things such as survivor benefits from social security and Cobra (continuing employer health insurance after a job loss), are only available to one man, one woman marriages. Registered domestic partners in California have been able to file joint state tax returns for the past year, and this right will continue as marriage for same gender couples becomes legal. But state-based marriage equality will not allow for joint federal tax filing, creating another layer of paperwork for gay and lesbian couples.
But it is a great start and a great day for all families. Children of married gay parents will now have a vocabulary in common with their friends who have opposite gender parents. They can say their parents are married – literally – and mean it. That common language cannot be underestimated. It will be heard by children when married gay parents talk to married straight parents. Terms like husband and wife will become orientation-neutral.
I was also struck by hearing one child say he loved Family Week—an annual gathering of 2,000 primarily LGBT parents and their kids — because for one time every year, his family was just like other families. Last week’s decision in California is going to have a profound impact on this child and thousands of other children. The gender of their parents will become less of an issue over time, and we all will be able to look at families through a different lens: one that focuses on love, commitment, generosity and kindness, and time spent with children, more than sexual orientation or gender.
May 15, 2008 was a very good day, indeed. It was, at its very heart, a day that expanded the rights of, and protections for, children. And that is something that should make all of us, gay and straight alike, very happy.
Until next time,
Ken Mosesian
Acting Executive Director
Categories
Gay and Lesbian Family Building •
LGBT •
Marriage
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Got Time?
December 17, 2007 - Monday
Posted by Pamela
I volunteered for the first incarnation of The AFA for ten years before I became the Executive Director.
Volunteering was therapy for me. It helped me cope during a time when I felt like I couldn’t cope. It took my mind off of my own troubles...and I felt like something good was coming out of my own personal pain. I was taking that pain and turning it into a powerful life force by directing it to help others.
And I was a busy person! I was working...and life was full....yet somehow I created the time to give my time.
How about you? Have you ever thought about volunteering?
We could use you!! Right now there are several projects that we are working on - and perhaps you would like to help out?
Some of our projects are short term. You could volunteer to work on an event that interests you - or you could volunteer to help out on an ongoing basis - as need arises.
Right now we could use volunteers to help us get the word out about our San Francisco Family Matters Conference!
If you live in the Bay Area - you could help us out by dropping off flyer’s at health clubs and community centers.
We need help outreaching to the LGBT Community...could you be our ambassador?
And if you don’t live in San Francisco...you could help us by posting the event on the Internet - and helping with Public Relations around the event! There is a lot to do...and we need help.
We are also in the beginning stages of planning our NYC Family Matters Conference...perhaps you would like to help us with that? Or help out with one of our regional fundraisers? Do you like working on publications? Anne our newsletter editor - always need help in following up and soliciting writers...would you like to help with that? It can be very interesting work..and you get to talk to a lot of cool people!
Maybe this year you feel like you can’t write a check...maybe this year will be the year that you will give us the gift of time.
So...come on...fill out the volunteer form!!! It will do your heart good!!! Just click here!!!
Until Tomorrow -
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Gay and Lesbian Family Building
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San Francisco and Beyond….
December 9, 2007 - Sunday
Posted by Pamela
Once upon a time, The AFA was a small northeast organization. But we had vision..and a staff and board that that an endless capacity for work!
We saw the need to provide consistent, national support, information, and education at no cost to the consumer.
And we accomplished our goal within seven years....The AFA is not only a national organization...we have blossomed into a national organization with international reach.
Seven years ago, I conceived of WorldFam....which started as World Infertility Month...it was/and is a world wide awareness tool that the AFA creates and then gives to patient organizations all over the world so that we have a community awareness campaign that supports us in working together so that we can raise awareness of fertility and infertility issues as a global community.
When there was better funding for WorldFam..we even gave scholarships to other patient organizations to travel to international patient meetings so that we could gather and work together face to face.
We still create the organiser’s kit...provide the patient groups with support, ideas, projects, a website and yes..funding. This year we are planning a workshop for the patient leaders in Spain. As well as coordinating and funding an international study on educating physicians on the primary health care level. Please check out http://www.worldfam.org to learn more about WorldFam.
In the United States...we have continued to provide amazing support through our toll free number..where callers can find a compassionate ear...physician and professional referrals...and expansive library through our website...and weekly educational chats...and so much more.
The growth of The AFA is unprecedented...and it takes a tremendous amount of time and dedication to keep the ideas fresh, authentic and happening! We work hard at listening to you...what do you need? Not just what we think you need!!!!
This year, we are having our first Family Matters Conference in San Francisco on February 10th at The Presido. I am so excited about this! If you are a professional and want more information about how to participate or exhibit at Family Matters San Francisco..please contact Corey Whelan at 718 853-1411.
The Internet is wonderful....and I understand that most of us reach for the Internet for so much....and that is why The AFA invests so much of our resources in our website...but there is also nothing like a face to face conference! On Feb 10th, in San Francisco you will be able to hear first class speakers on every issue from medical treatment,fertility preservation, IVF to adoption, and we will also having a special LGBT track.
So mark your calendar and make the trip! I will be there along with all of The AFA Staff...and a few board members...we are looking forward to meeting you!!!!
And in January...I will be spending a week in Florida...getting to know the area better...and what services that community needs...I am hoping that next year there will be a Family Matters Conference in Florida! And perhaps Texas!
This is the year that my bags are packed.....I will be on the road as much as I am home....it is the intention of The AFA to truly find out what patients truly want in services...not just what WE think that you need....you and I will be having a direct conversation...You will be talking...I will be listening along with members of our Physician Leadership Circle. We are now in the midst of planning this incredible ten city tour...and we have been coining it “The Patient Summit”....I am looking forward to meeting so many of you! For me, and the rest of The AFA, it’s all about you!
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
Gay and Lesbian Family Building •
IVF •
World Fertility Awareness Month
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A Change of Heart….
October 18, 2007 - Thursday
Posted by Pamela
The AFA has been supporting gay and lesbian family building for three years now. It is our belief that love and family knows no sexual orientation....and we have supported same sex couples to have the same rights as straight couples when it comes to marriage. They deserve the same protections...and so do their kids.
What is so interesting, is that some people never really get it...until they are touched directly by an issue.
This was recently the case when San Diego mayor Jerry Sanders made a very moving public statement in favor of gay marriage—a position that was quite a turn around for him...You see, his daughter Lisa recently came out that she is gay.
So...what once felt so far away and detached for Jerry Sanders...now came home. Of course he wanted his beloved daughter and her children to have the same rights as everybody else...of course.
It was quite touching to watch this conservative heterosexual male public figure be so emotional in support of gay people...and the rights that they should enjoy. In the end...once again....it was about family. Take a minute...click on the link...and listen to Jerry Sanders finding his heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnTwrnKb61Q
Have a beautiful weekend....
See you Monday!
Pamela
Categories
Fertility •
Gay and Lesbian Family Building
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In The End…It’s about Family….
October 16, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Pamela
I am just back from American Society of Reproductive Meeting in DC...it’s the big conference in the United States in the field of Reproductive Medicine.
Every year reproductive endocrinologists..nurses...mental health professionals...and allied industry (drug companies..pharmacies..sperm banks...catheter companies..media companies...etc) gather together at the annual meeting of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.
This is a place with prize papers are given...science is debated...and people gather to talk. It is as much a social event as it is anything else....and then there is the exhibit hall!
Here are the booths....exhibitors giving away everything from sperm pens and stuffed sperms (think Teddy Bears...only NOT)....to candy...to G-d knows what else…
One thing is clear...everyone is competing to get the attention of the doctors, nurses, scientists, practice managers and anyone else that is looking!
And yes, The AFA is there too...competing for attention in this sea of color and “look at me”!
And in the midst of it all...I was struck by one thing… a family at breakfast one morning before I had to walk over to conference hall. There sat a Mother...a Father...and two little boys...Under the age of three...I would even wonder if the older boy was nearer to 2 and a half..than three!
I sat there trying to talk to with Anne Adams, The AFA Director of Programing and Policy...but we kept being distracted by this perfect little family...sitting together eating breakfast...We sat there and watched Mother show her little boys how to fold their hands in prayer for their food...we watched them cut up pancakes..and pick up small bottles of syrup from the floor...and I was reminded of that time in my life...and how beautiful it was to watch this...and about that in the end...that was what this was all about...it was about creating families...all kinds of families...families that did look like this family...and families that did not look like this family..single mothers by choice..families built by same sex couples....families built by all the different kinds of reproductive options and adoption that are available today...all of these families are beautiful families..and all of these children are so precious.
And in the end..that was really what we were all doing at this meeting...that this was the home run....not all the noise that we make at each other...the air kisses...the marketing...the “look at me” that is so out there at conventions…
In the end...it’s all about family.
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
Gay and Lesbian Family Building •
Single Mothers by Choice
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