Ferring Pharmaceuticals, Inc. is the Presenting Sponsor of the AFA Website
The American Fertility Association Blog
Life Is Change
March 4, 2008 - Tuesday
Posted by Ken
Change. It’s a word that both inspires and terrifies. On one hand there’s the opportunity for growth and adventure, on the other, we’re called out of the familiar and the comfortable.
And yet all of life is change. In the few seconds that it took you to read the sentences above, we have all changed. We’re older, cells have died and been recreated, new thoughts have emerged, and old ones have been rekindled. The only constant in life, the saying goes, is change.
Organizations experience change as well, and I’m writing to share with you the changes that have taken place at The AFA. As some of you may know, Pamela Madsen, The AFA’s founder, recently resigned her position as Executive Director. As she stated in her farewell blog, “I have given everything that I had to give.”
Her contributions to The AFA were considerable, and her commitment to those facing reproductive challenges unsurpassed. So I acknowledge all that Pam did to bring The AFA from infancy to this point in its growth. Simply stated, we could not have gotten here without her.
Though Pam is no longer with the organization, the rest of the staff remains, fully committed to taking the good work that has been done and building upon it.
I was hired, two years ago, to consult with The AFA to help position the organization for growth and development in a rapidly changing field. Now, the board has asked that I continue to work with them as the Acting Executive Director while a dedicated board committee conducts a national search. The committee members have invited me to formally apply for the position, which I intend to do.
I am certain that the board will hire the most qualified person to fill the position of Executive Director, and regardless of the outcome, I will work with The AFA - in whatever capacity the boards requests of me - to help guide this organization through an incredibly exciting time in its history.
It is a great privilege to continue to work with such tremendously dedicated staff members and board of directors who are focused on working together to deliver the very best education and support services possible, and to effectively advocate for your interests at every opportunity.
During the past few months, this unique team of staff, volunteers and board members has continued and expanded the work of The AFA, producing three separate e-Newsletters, answering support line phone calls, conducting phone-coaching sessions, producing the first Family Matters San Francisco Conference, and building alliances with other non-profits across the country.
There’s much more to report, including an updated website, an expanding mission to help lift the conversation about fertility into the larger conversation about reproductive health care, an emphasis on preventing STDs in order to protect fertility, the relationship between fertility and the environment and our work with the lesbian and gay communities in their efforts to create families. And of course, our core work with people who are experiencing reproductive challenges.
Thank you for your support. You have my word that you can count on us to continue to earn your trust and respect every day, to produce the best quality work possible, and to do it all with integrity.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions at:
Working together, we can make a difference—for good.
Categories
Fertility •
Fertility and the Environment •
IVF •
LGBT •
Reproductive Health
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Beyond Sex Education: Teens Talk About Their Origins
December 11, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Pamela
One of the biggest problems I have as a Founder/Executive Director...is that I have been doing this work for most of my adult life...and sometimes even I forget what we have done in the past...and it is good to remember...and think about how we can be incorporating past ideas and programs into what we are doing now.
I have been looking through some of my older writings...past programs...and remembering...and boy oh boy did I shamelessly put my kids out there for “The Cause!” And my husband reminded me, the struggles that we had when we decided to let the kids do media on behalf of the fertility community. Kai was concerned that the kids would be tainted...that other kids would tease them. Was it fair for us to turn our kids into activists?
In the end...we decided that if we were frightened of our children being tainted in some unknown way by being known as IVF kids...then it was our job to let the world see these beautiful, articulate children that were indeed “Test Tube Babies”. We needed to put our family out here to change perceptions. And so we did.
In 2003, we put out this press release..and conducted a media tour with my oldest son Tyler as one of the spokespeople!!! And guess what I asked my poor teenage son to do? Read the headline!!! And the Press Release!!
Beyond Sex Education: Teens Talk About Their Origins
Teens born through Assisted Reproductive Technology speak about their perceptions of their conception
*New York, NY, April 25, 2003 *** In celebration of World Infertility Month, teenagers take sex education a step further and talk about how they feel about their high tech origins.
Tyler Madsen and Lily Johnson were conceived through Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) and they’re not afraid to talk about how they were conceived.
Since Louise Brown made her debut in 1978 in England, it is estimated that 1,000,000 children have been born though ART, said Karen Hammond, Chair of The American Infertility Association. These children, many of them young adults now, are telling us they’re comfortable, confident and secure with who they are. The news is that children born through ART feel no different than other children.”
AIA spokes-teen, Tyler Madsen, is a freshman at LaGuardia High School in New York City focusing on drama. Tyler has spoken in many public forums about his conception, including a press conference in Lucerne Switzerland and last year at the U.S. launch of World Infertility Month (WIM) at the United Nations. Tyler was conceived through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) in 1988, using his mother=s eggs and father=s sperm.
“Some people may think that my conception makes me different or special from others,” said Tyler Madsen. “In fact, I’m like any other teenager with the same concerns, the same goals and the same dreams. I think all kids are special and unique. It doesn’t matter how they were conceived. That’s just a technicality.”
Lily Johnson is 13, an avid swimmer, and in 7th grade at Las Colinas Middle School in Camarillo CA. Over the years, Lily has done many interviews about her conception including two documentaries with her brother, Chase, who is 9. Lily was conceived through surrogacy, using artificial insemination and a surrogate’s egg and uterus.
“I was born through surrogacy and I think it is excellent because couples can have children, even if they can’t biologically,” said Lily Johnson. It doesn’t matter how children are created, as long as they ARE created.”
I think it’s important that children born through ART talk about it, so that people will realize that they are just like everyone else and its nothing to worry about or feel funny about,” said Fay Johnson, Lily’s mother. Hopefully with teen role models, other kids born through ART can feel comfortable.”
In order to help parents talk to their children about their conceptions, The AIA created fact sheets for guidance; “Out of the Dish: Talking to Children About Their IVF Origins” and “Talking with Children about Ovum Donation” are available on The AIA website at http://www.americaninfertility.org or by contacting The AIA toll free at 877-917-3777.”
So...yes...a lot has changed! We are no longer called The American Infertility Association....and WIM is now WorldFAM (http://www.WorldFAM.org) ....The Co-Chairs are now Stuart Miller and Patricia Mendell...and Tyler....well he is now at Parson’s School of Design where is he is majoring in Technology and Design...and by the way...he still helps out The AFA...he helped implement this new website....in fact Tyler designed this blog for his dear old mom. And yes...I am shamelessly proud of him.
To see a link to one of the interviews that resulted from these press tours...please click here!!!. It is very cute...and you get to see pictures of much younger Tyler and Spencer.
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
Infertility •
IVF •
Reproductive Technologies •
World Fertility Awareness Month
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Chapter Two?
December 10, 2007 - Monday
Posted by Pamela
The other day I was watching Dr. Phil...I actually don’t particularly like Dr. Phil. There is something Sergeant like about his therapy...but he had couples on that were “desperate to conceive.” And one of the couples were fighting about whether or not they would have another child. And that reminded me of a time in my life when my husband and I were in conflict about whether or not to try Assisted Reproductive Technology again. I went through my older writings..and I found this...I would like to share it with you. It was written almost 17 years ago. I called it:
Chapter Two?
My miracle happened over two years ago with the conception of my son Tyler who is a G.I.F.T. baby. Tyler was conceived after a little more than two years of struggle. I moved quickly and aggressively through the work up, six Pergonal cycles and then onto high tech. We got “lucky” with GIFT. When we got the news we were pregnant, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This struggle was finally over. We could now leave behind us the pain of infertility. We would be like other young couples thinking about baby names instead of what day I would begin my next treatment. The pain could end and we could now move forward. It was wonderful being able to fulfill all my longed for fantasies of motherhood. I remember the first time I walked into a children’s store to pick out clothing for Tyler. The saleslady must have been wondering why I was crying over a sleeper! At any rate, I moved through the world of mothers and babies and I got to talk about all those things that mothers talk about and I felt like I really belonged. I no longer felt different.
When Tyler turned two years old we began to think about having another child. While my husband and I were contemplating the ramifications of another GIFT cycle or trying the frozen embryos saved from Tyler’s cycle over three years ago, my entire “play group” became pregnant with their second child. Okay, you may say, you have Tyler. You are lucky. You should feel grateful. The reader may even think that they would not be upset at all, after all Tyler was a miracle!
The reader may even feel angry with me for being jealous, if you are now childless. I understand all this and I have given myself many a good talking to, but the bottom line is I felt angry, infertile, out of control and just plain sad.
I too, wanted to have another child, but I needed an audience of at least ten doctors and nurses to get pregnant. Conception was something that was out of my immediate control. I loved my friends, and I have to admit that it bothered me that there increasing talk about their pregnancies bothered me! After all, I had been pregnant. It was not a mystery to me. I had Tyler. I should not be bothered by this kind of talk. But I was. I felt left out. I felt different. Right or wrong this is how I felt and still feel.
I am writing this piece because I don’t think that I am alone. I am part of a new population of people that are being helped by the new technologies and have one child. We are faced with a mixed bag of emotions and options. I think that many of us feel guilty over any feelings of unhappiness, after all we now have a child. Didn’t we pray to God that we would do anything to have that child? Many of us felt that if we had that child, we would never think about infertility again. So what happened?
First, with the birth or adoption of a child you begin to mix in with other mothers. When you are childless, many of us do not expose ourselves to the myriad of the neighborhood playground. After the arrival of your infant, many of us join the merry throng of the stroller set.
We join the fertile world of mothers. In the beginning, you may be completely content to be surrounded by infants and toddlers when you yourself have one.
You may not be bothered anymore by pregnant women. After all, many of us are plenty busy with our own. But our own gets older too, and just like our friends we begin to think about another child. But we are infertile, our child was a miracle. We contemplate our next move while all our friends quite normally complete their families. If we did not have infertility problems, the how, when and should we have another child would not be the earth shattering issue that it can become for people with impaired fertility. I have felt guilty over my desire for another child.
Sometimes I felt that I was like the wife in the fairy tale, The Old Man and the Sea. In the story the wife kept asking for a bigger wish, never being satisfied with what she had.
Eventually she lost everything. Well, I have really tried to work through these emotions and I have decided that I am not a bad person for desiring another child. I do not think we are wrong to want another child. Why should we not want things that other people take for granted? If having children and siblings for children were not normal part of the life process, why do people constantly ask me when Tyler is going to get sister?
The fact is that when you must rely on high technology to have another child there are many issues that you have to contend with. For my husband and I, money is a concern. It costs a great deal of money to have a child the high tech way, and I have chosen to stay home since the birth of Tyler. We don’t have the cash flow that we used to. If you do not have the money you cannot play the game. I couldn’t believe that some of the IVF Centers are now taking MasterCard and VISA! The money spent on conceiving another child will take significant money away from the child that we now have. Then there is the question of pain and suffering.
None of this stuff is fun. We are not talking about playing footsie in the backseat of a Chevy.
I have to be unconscious, which is probably the only thing that will get rid of the Pergonal headache I will most likely have at that point! And let’s not forget that I will being doing this cycle that I used to grump and sleep through with a not so understanding toddler.
There is also that unrelenting fear of how we would deal with a possible failure of the procedure that we may have unrealistic confidence in. There is always the feeling that we should quit while we are ahead. All of the high tech procedures have less than a fifty-fifty chance of producing a child. Tyler was a bolt of lightning. Does lightning strike twice? Should we count our blessings and give up? Is it human nature to always want more? I don’t know the answers to these questions. I just know that if I had the choice, Tyler would not be an only child. I would like him to have a sibling to play monopoly with. My husband and I have room in our hearts if not our apartment, for another child.
We have made the decision to try again. A recent try with our frozen embryos did not work. I have decided to go back to work next year raise the capitol needed for another try. I don’t know how many attempts we will be emotionally and financially able to swing, but we will try.
We will not be devastated if another pregnancy does not occur. I will not allow the desire for another child to rule my life. It is true, we do have Tyler and the pain is different this time around even if it is still there. I may feel left out of the current neighborhood baby boom, but I am still Tyler’s mother and we get to do all the great mother-kid stuff that I always dreamed about. The emotions are much more manageable when you have a kid to pick up and love. It’s just that I have two arms. So, will Tyler have a little sister or brother? I’m hopeful, but we’ll just have to wait and see.
Authors Note: Tyler became a big brother a little more than two years later with the arrival of Spencer, who was a I.V.F. conception.
Categories
Adoption •
Infertility •
IVF •
Pregnancy •
Reproductive Technologies
(1) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
San Francisco and Beyond….
December 9, 2007 - Sunday
Posted by Pamela
Once upon a time, The AFA was a small northeast organization. But we had vision..and a staff and board that that an endless capacity for work!
We saw the need to provide consistent, national support, information, and education at no cost to the consumer.
And we accomplished our goal within seven years....The AFA is not only a national organization...we have blossomed into a national organization with international reach.
Seven years ago, I conceived of WorldFam....which started as World Infertility Month...it was/and is a world wide awareness tool that the AFA creates and then gives to patient organizations all over the world so that we have a community awareness campaign that supports us in working together so that we can raise awareness of fertility and infertility issues as a global community.
When there was better funding for WorldFam..we even gave scholarships to other patient organizations to travel to international patient meetings so that we could gather and work together face to face.
We still create the organiser’s kit...provide the patient groups with support, ideas, projects, a website and yes..funding. This year we are planning a workshop for the patient leaders in Spain. As well as coordinating and funding an international study on educating physicians on the primary health care level. Please check out http://www.worldfam.org to learn more about WorldFam.
In the United States...we have continued to provide amazing support through our toll free number..where callers can find a compassionate ear...physician and professional referrals...and expansive library through our website...and weekly educational chats...and so much more.
The growth of The AFA is unprecedented...and it takes a tremendous amount of time and dedication to keep the ideas fresh, authentic and happening! We work hard at listening to you...what do you need? Not just what we think you need!!!!
This year, we are having our first Family Matters Conference in San Francisco on February 10th at The Presido. I am so excited about this! If you are a professional and want more information about how to participate or exhibit at Family Matters San Francisco..please contact Corey Whelan at 718 853-1411.
The Internet is wonderful....and I understand that most of us reach for the Internet for so much....and that is why The AFA invests so much of our resources in our website...but there is also nothing like a face to face conference! On Feb 10th, in San Francisco you will be able to hear first class speakers on every issue from medical treatment,fertility preservation, IVF to adoption, and we will also having a special LGBT track.
So mark your calendar and make the trip! I will be there along with all of The AFA Staff...and a few board members...we are looking forward to meeting you!!!!
And in January...I will be spending a week in Florida...getting to know the area better...and what services that community needs...I am hoping that next year there will be a Family Matters Conference in Florida! And perhaps Texas!
This is the year that my bags are packed.....I will be on the road as much as I am home....it is the intention of The AFA to truly find out what patients truly want in services...not just what WE think that you need....you and I will be having a direct conversation...You will be talking...I will be listening along with members of our Physician Leadership Circle. We are now in the midst of planning this incredible ten city tour...and we have been coining it “The Patient Summit”....I am looking forward to meeting so many of you! For me, and the rest of The AFA, it’s all about you!
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
Gay and Lesbian Family Building •
IVF •
World Fertility Awareness Month
(3) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
When Death Comes….
November 29, 2007 - Thursday
Posted by Pamela
I have always been a person that lives fully. But I have gotten better at it as I have gotten older.
I have always had a sheer determination of spirit. It was born to me...it was how I landed out of my Mother’s womb.
But it still needed cultivation. I still had to work at facing my own fears..my own broken places...and the places where the fear of failure..the fear of that particular pain...held the danger of me not trying at all.
It took a sheer determination of spirit to have my kids. They did not just come to me. I had to believe them into existence...and open my heart to the possibilities....I had to face fears in order to conceive them...IVF was new when I was trying to have children. There was a lot of trust involved...and a willingness to go when I had never gone before...and I also had to face my own shame over not being able to conceive my children on my own.
And I had to find the money to pay for it all...but I didn’t want to miss having children for anything in the world...so I did what seemed impossible at the time...and it took huge amounts of courage...and I had to drag my husband Kai along with me every step of the way…
He would say to me..."Why do you want this so much?” “I would never put my body through what you are putting your body through”...and I remember my husband, Kai...holding Tyler...born premature...at four pounds five ounces in the delivery room...tears streaming down his face...sheer joy and amazement in his eyes...and I remember him thanking me for leading him to his son...because he would never had done it..all the steps involved with creating his son...because he didn’t know...couldn’t know...the joy he was feeling in his heart in that moment of holding that child. In that moment, Kai knew that missing this child would have been like not living at all...it would have been worlds missed.
There are so many parts of our lives like that...so many challenges that we all have to face everyday...illness...relationship and job issues...parenting issues...there are so many opportunities to decide whether we are going to live fully...and reach for that brass ring...or whether or not we are simply going to be spectators in our own lives…
I challenge you to look at those places...perhaps you are in one right now...perhaps for you it is whether or not to take the risk and fly to China and adopt a child...and the entire process feels incredibly overwhelming…
I don’t know what it is for you...perhaps it is working to raise the money for an IVF cycles that feels out of reach...perhaps it has nothing to do with reproduction or fertility at all!
But what I want to say to you is… go for it...deep dig...go where you never thought you could ever go...because this is not a dress rehearsal...this is it..your life. You have arrived...and in Holiday Season....I find myself looking deeply at my own life...and the joys and dangers of playing full out...full court....and yes...it can be complicated...and difficult...but oh yes...it can be filled with incredible joy…
My youngest Spencer is rolling out of bed...my CryoPreserved IVF Embryo...we played full court to have that kid...he won’t get a hair cut right now...his hair is in his eyes...I try not to notice...not to say anything...Spencer is playing his own full court as a fifteen year old right now...a part of that is not cutting his hair...I find myself grabbing him...holding him....I breathe him in...so much joy. I would not have missed him for the world.
So...it’s Friday...I am feeling sentimental...can you tell? And I am full of wanting for everyone...for all of you to find that place in yourself to take you to live your life fully...to face things that scare you...that may be preventing you from getting all that you want in this life...and to move through that to a place of having what you want.
A good friend just sent me this poem..it sums it up beautifully..it is by the poet Mary Oliver..
When Death Comes
When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox
when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.
When it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
Have a Wonderful Weekend…
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
IVF
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink