Ferring Pharmaceuticals, Inc. is the Presenting Sponsor of the AFA Website
The American Fertility Association Blog
I’m Still Here
November 22, 2007 - Thursday
Posted by Dana
My long fertility story started almost 10 years ago, when I was trying to get pregnant and having difficulty.
I will spare you all of the boring details, but I am now the proud single mother of a 3 year old named Sarah. (A bit challenging yes, but I wouldn’t have my life any other way!)
I first came to know the AFA when I attended a meeting in NYC. I distinctly remember walking up to the registration desk in a panic. ‘Would anyone here know me?’ ‘Would I be embarrassed to ask questions?’ ‘What happened if I found out I could never have children?’ ‘Would I Adopt a child?’
These were all the questions that were weighing on my mind. Then, Corey Whelan (now Director of Development) asked, “Would you like to become a Member?” My question to her was “How Much?” It was a silly question, of course. But, I suppose I thought my fertility journey would be successful long before I got to reap the benefits of my $50 donation.
Boy, was I wrong…
It took me 5 years to figure out why I couldn’t get pregnant, and finally when I did, why I experienced recurrent miscarriages. So, I guess I really got my $50 worth. I attended every meeting and seminar possible. I joined a Support Group. I went to the Adoption Series. I volunteered at every Kokopelli Ball since 2002. I got to know all the Doctors, Nurses, Therapists, Staff and friends of the AFA that I could. I picked their brains. I cried on their shoulders. And I finally got my answers.
I met so many warm and caring people during my journey. My Support Group lasted over a year! We all wanted to stay together during our family building journeys. Some got pregnant, some adopted, and some remained child free. I still keep in touch with a few from my group, but others have disappeared. Where have they gone? I don’t know. I wish I could figure it out myself.
My point is simple. I will never forget that the AFA was there for me when I needed them. And now, I am here for them. All of us here at the AFA are so dedicated to family building that it doesn’t end once our journey is over. We want to continue our work by helping others the way that we were helped. That’s why I’m still here. I am now on the Board of Directors, as Director of Volunteers. Funny, huh?
Volunteering is the best way for you to get to know the Organization and all of the wonderful people that help run it on a day to day basis. We have tons of resources, we have tons of events, but most of all, we have tons of work that needs to get done!
That’s why it is so important to become involved. The AFA is a Patient organization. You are the Patients. You are the people who will shape the future of family building. We need you to spread the word about all of the good things we do here. So why don’t you consider volunteering for a few hours a month? We could certainly use an extra set of hands. (or 20).
And even if your road to family building is over, like mine is, don’t forget about us. Because there are still so many people who need to pick brains, cry on shoulders and find answers.
You see, no one should have to worry about how long a $50 donation will last...that’s why we offer all of our online resources for free.
If you are interested in Volunteering with the AFA, please send me an e-mail: . I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
Infertility •
Pregnancy Loss
(1) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Waiting For Babies….
November 18, 2007 - Sunday
Posted by Pamela
I have spent the better part of twelve years waiting for babies.
I have hoped for, waited for and welcomed my sister’s son, (conceived through IVF), my two boys (GIFT and IVF), my sister-in-laws two sons after five years of repeated miscarriages and, through the years, countless others who have entered the families of those I care about. I have listened to the myriad stories of the obstacles overcome and the fears challenged that did not stop so many in their pursuit of all the various means of family building that were available to them.
Infertility has permeated the lives of my family, my closest friends and my neighbors. Since I began my work as a patient advocate, my family of friends who are infertile has expanded, and the waiting for babies has continued. I was recently in a book store where I saw an “advent” type calendar for a typical waiting period for a child. It was only nine months long! If only that was true for all of us! The waiting, for the infertile, can be an endless circle beginning with hope, turning to disappointment, and then back to hope again. And this is how we wait.
I have waited with two very good friends for their babies. One of them is my oldest friend who I have loved since I was small. We have gotten into trouble together, we have double-dated together, she was a bridesmaid at my wedding. Infertility is something we never planned to do together, but it became yet another tie that bound us together. We shared doctors, did IVF cycles together, compared estrodials, and said “I know” to each other a lot. And mostly we waited to be mommies together. My children arrived first, and we waited together for her pain to end. I have a beautiful picture of her holding my son Spencer at his bris, her eyes shining, holding the secret, still unknown, of her pregnancy.
My other friend was at the time, my newest; the special kind that finds you when you aren’t looking. We met through volunteering on a infertility related committee together. She was looking for a birth mother. I listened and learned about the world of private adoption: advertising, resumes, portable adoption phones that ring in movie theaters, and birth mothers who can change their mind. I heard her voice the same insecurities we all feel when we want something so much and fear that somehow we are doing something wrong that will prevent what we want most from entering our lives. And we waited together for her pain to end. On a beautiful morning, the phone rang, my friend said to me, “Pam, you would never believe what has happened!” And she welcomed her baby home.
I have waited for many babies. I am waiting now. The pain can end, the beginnings can happen. I am waiting with you.
Pamela Madsen
Categories
Egg Donation •
IVF •
Pregnancy Loss
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Dream Catcher Child
October 23, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Pamela
I never envisioned myself the mother of boys. When I used to imagine my child, I would picture a little dark haired girl. Sometimes, I would see her in glimpses, holding someone else’s hand. She would have a page-boy hair cut and look a little Asian. I had a long time to imagine and long for this imaginary child.
During the height of my infertility, I used to picture this little child, and tell her why I wanted her so much. I told her what a good mother and father she would have, if she would just be born. I shared my dreams with her. I looked in shop windows at little pink things that I might buy for her. She was my child of hope.
I came across a passage in a novel I was reading recently. It struck an unexpected chord in me, and I was reminded of my “infertility child”. Scottish sisters-in-law who lived in the 1700’s are talking late at night. One is a new mother, with her child at her breast. The new mother was explaining to her sister about how she talked to her baby before the child was born.
“You can talk to a babe, you know. You can tell them anything. You can pour out your soul to them without choosing your words or keeping anything back at all. And that’s a comfort to the soul. I have often wondered if that’s why women are so often sad, once the child is born,” she said meditatively, as though thinking aloud. “Ye think of them while ye talk, and you have a knowledge of them as they are inside ye, the way you think they are. And then they’re born and they’re different - not the way you thought of them inside, at all. And ye love them of course, and get to know them the way they are… but still there is the thought of the child ye once talked to in your heart, and that child is gone. So I think it’s the grievin’ for the child unborn that you feel, even as ye hold the born one in your arms.” And she paused and kissed the downy head of her daughter. “Yes, before....it’s all possibility. It might be a son, or a daughter. A plain child, a bonny one. And then it’s born, and all the things it might have been are gone, because now it is. And a daughter is born, and the son that she might have been is dead,” she said quietly. “And the bonny lad at your breast has killed the wee lassie ye thought you carried. And ye weep for what you didn’t know, and that’s gone for good, until you know the child you have, and then at last it’s as though they could never have been other than they are, and you feel naught but joy in them. But until then, you weep easy.”
The child unknown is an issue for many of those struggling with infertility. The child of infertility for you, may be the child you lost through miscarriage or stillbirth. The child you talked to in your heart may be the one you have to say goodbye to before you are able to pursue adoption or third party reproduction. And like me, you might be surprised to find that you did not or might not, give birth to the baby you were talking to for so long.
I sit on my couch, and watch an old family video of my little family when they were younger. I see two beautiful blond haired boys. Not Asian in appearance, but rather Nordic. Tyler the five year old is actually hugging his little brother and shouts “Family Hug Time”. I watch myself in the video, gathering my treasures in my arms.
Treasures that were buried deep and almost lost. I sniff their hair and kiss their eyelids. I can see the look of wonderment on my own much younger face...it is as though I am thanking the heavens for these boys that are are so real and finally here.
I am caught by the thought of that little girl, so different, that child of my infertility dreams. I think of her, as I watch myself in the midst of solid, sturdy arms wrapped tightly around my neck. And I bless her for keeping me company and giving me hope. Her image challenged me to find some inner strength. In my mind’s eye, she asked me to find her. And I did. In two little boys.
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Donor Sperm •
Egg Donation •
Fertility •
Gestational Carrier •
Infertility •
Pregnancy Loss •
Surrogacy
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink