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The American Fertility Association Blog
Tyra Update - Part Deux
January 23, 2008 - Wednesday
Posted by admin
To our extraordinary members:
We wanted to share our experience of you in the wake of our response to the calls, emails and blog entries we received about the taping of the Tyra Banks Show segment on infertility. The whole episode obviously struck a chord deep within this community. The blizzard of cyber-notes sent to us about our stance regarding the show’s alleged mishandling of the issue has been overwhelming. Thank you!
Thank you for your letters, both affirming and critical of our actions. Because what’s most important in all this is that you’ve spoken up, engaged with us and your peers about topics as sensitive and critical as fertility, infertility, assisted reproductive technologies, family-building, individual choice and public perception.
What can we say? You are remarkable.
Just to update you: Like you, we’re awaiting the airing of the show. We do believe in their right to produce whatever they want. We also believe in our right to respond. Now, everything we know comes from people who’ve told us what they witnessed at the toping. The reports were infuriating. So in the interest of getting a clear picture, we phoned the producers, hoping to hear their perspective. We’re still waiting for a return call.
Now, perhaps, as two of you have written, we jumped the gun with our open letter of protest to the show’s senior producer. If we did—great! Nothing would make us happier than to be mistaken about the Tyra Banks Show. We’d gleefully offer an apology. All we’re after is fair and intelligent treatment by the media. There’s no question but that we’ll fight for that and fight hard. (We’ll keep you posted as the situation unfolds.)
By the sheer volume of your correspondence to The AFA, it’s clear that you want the same. Your activism and input are essential to keeping the media, politicians and regulators on the ball and honest. So we want to take this unique opportunity to urge you to continue this dialog with and through The AFA. It’s so important that we communicate among ourselves, a kind of de facto think tank. To that end we’ll be publishing as many of your notes as we can fit in the next issue of Connections and putting all of them up--pro and con--on our blog.
It’s your voices, your opinions, ideas, experiences and observations that help The AFA shape its perspectives, educational initiatives and policy agenda on everything from compromised fertility, access to health care, treatment affordability and insurance to sexual and reproductive health and the pursuit of family-building. It’s your insights that make the difference.
Yes we are an educational organization, full of top-notch information free to everyone. But The AFA is also an energetic advocate for enlightened policies to guarantee the basic human right to have family. That means that we not only work on infertility and its ripple effects, we also tackle social, legal and political issues through the lens of fertility preservation and prevention. That includes, but certainly isn’t limited to, access to scientifically based sex education, an environment free of fertility-damaging toxins and efforts to promote all forms of family-building. Our goal is to elevate our issues into the mainstream national discussion about reproductive health and rights. Our goal is to be in the room when policy is made, not merely to respond after the fact.
So tune in and jack in. Ask questions. Send your personal stories for The AFA blog or our publications. Share your take on the medical, social, political aspects of infertility, fertility, third-party reproduction, adoption, foster care. After all, it’s about creating a family. It’s what you’re about. It’s what we’re about. We’re in it together. Let’s keep the connections open.
With warm regards,
The AFA Staff
Categories
Fertility •
Infertility •
Reproductive Technologies
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Beyond Sex Education: Teens Talk About Their Origins
December 11, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Pamela
One of the biggest problems I have as a Founder/Executive Director...is that I have been doing this work for most of my adult life...and sometimes even I forget what we have done in the past...and it is good to remember...and think about how we can be incorporating past ideas and programs into what we are doing now.
I have been looking through some of my older writings...past programs...and remembering...and boy oh boy did I shamelessly put my kids out there for “The Cause!” And my husband reminded me, the struggles that we had when we decided to let the kids do media on behalf of the fertility community. Kai was concerned that the kids would be tainted...that other kids would tease them. Was it fair for us to turn our kids into activists?
In the end...we decided that if we were frightened of our children being tainted in some unknown way by being known as IVF kids...then it was our job to let the world see these beautiful, articulate children that were indeed “Test Tube Babies”. We needed to put our family out here to change perceptions. And so we did.
In 2003, we put out this press release..and conducted a media tour with my oldest son Tyler as one of the spokespeople!!! And guess what I asked my poor teenage son to do? Read the headline!!! And the Press Release!!
Beyond Sex Education: Teens Talk About Their Origins
Teens born through Assisted Reproductive Technology speak about their perceptions of their conception
*New York, NY, April 25, 2003 *** In celebration of World Infertility Month, teenagers take sex education a step further and talk about how they feel about their high tech origins.
Tyler Madsen and Lily Johnson were conceived through Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) and they’re not afraid to talk about how they were conceived.
Since Louise Brown made her debut in 1978 in England, it is estimated that 1,000,000 children have been born though ART, said Karen Hammond, Chair of The American Infertility Association. These children, many of them young adults now, are telling us they’re comfortable, confident and secure with who they are. The news is that children born through ART feel no different than other children.”
AIA spokes-teen, Tyler Madsen, is a freshman at LaGuardia High School in New York City focusing on drama. Tyler has spoken in many public forums about his conception, including a press conference in Lucerne Switzerland and last year at the U.S. launch of World Infertility Month (WIM) at the United Nations. Tyler was conceived through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) in 1988, using his mother=s eggs and father=s sperm.
“Some people may think that my conception makes me different or special from others,” said Tyler Madsen. “In fact, I’m like any other teenager with the same concerns, the same goals and the same dreams. I think all kids are special and unique. It doesn’t matter how they were conceived. That’s just a technicality.”
Lily Johnson is 13, an avid swimmer, and in 7th grade at Las Colinas Middle School in Camarillo CA. Over the years, Lily has done many interviews about her conception including two documentaries with her brother, Chase, who is 9. Lily was conceived through surrogacy, using artificial insemination and a surrogate’s egg and uterus.
“I was born through surrogacy and I think it is excellent because couples can have children, even if they can’t biologically,” said Lily Johnson. It doesn’t matter how children are created, as long as they ARE created.”
I think it’s important that children born through ART talk about it, so that people will realize that they are just like everyone else and its nothing to worry about or feel funny about,” said Fay Johnson, Lily’s mother. Hopefully with teen role models, other kids born through ART can feel comfortable.”
In order to help parents talk to their children about their conceptions, The AIA created fact sheets for guidance; “Out of the Dish: Talking to Children About Their IVF Origins” and “Talking with Children about Ovum Donation” are available on The AIA website at http://www.americaninfertility.org or by contacting The AIA toll free at 877-917-3777.”
So...yes...a lot has changed! We are no longer called The American Infertility Association....and WIM is now WorldFAM (http://www.WorldFAM.org) ....The Co-Chairs are now Stuart Miller and Patricia Mendell...and Tyler....well he is now at Parson’s School of Design where is he is majoring in Technology and Design...and by the way...he still helps out The AFA...he helped implement this new website....in fact Tyler designed this blog for his dear old mom. And yes...I am shamelessly proud of him.
To see a link to one of the interviews that resulted from these press tours...please click here!!!. It is very cute...and you get to see pictures of much younger Tyler and Spencer.
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Categories
Adoption •
Fertility •
Infertility •
IVF •
Reproductive Technologies •
World Fertility Awareness Month
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Chapter Two?
December 10, 2007 - Monday
Posted by Pamela
The other day I was watching Dr. Phil...I actually don’t particularly like Dr. Phil. There is something Sergeant like about his therapy...but he had couples on that were “desperate to conceive.” And one of the couples were fighting about whether or not they would have another child. And that reminded me of a time in my life when my husband and I were in conflict about whether or not to try Assisted Reproductive Technology again. I went through my older writings..and I found this...I would like to share it with you. It was written almost 17 years ago. I called it:
Chapter Two?
My miracle happened over two years ago with the conception of my son Tyler who is a G.I.F.T. baby. Tyler was conceived after a little more than two years of struggle. I moved quickly and aggressively through the work up, six Pergonal cycles and then onto high tech. We got “lucky” with GIFT. When we got the news we were pregnant, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This struggle was finally over. We could now leave behind us the pain of infertility. We would be like other young couples thinking about baby names instead of what day I would begin my next treatment. The pain could end and we could now move forward. It was wonderful being able to fulfill all my longed for fantasies of motherhood. I remember the first time I walked into a children’s store to pick out clothing for Tyler. The saleslady must have been wondering why I was crying over a sleeper! At any rate, I moved through the world of mothers and babies and I got to talk about all those things that mothers talk about and I felt like I really belonged. I no longer felt different.
When Tyler turned two years old we began to think about having another child. While my husband and I were contemplating the ramifications of another GIFT cycle or trying the frozen embryos saved from Tyler’s cycle over three years ago, my entire “play group” became pregnant with their second child. Okay, you may say, you have Tyler. You are lucky. You should feel grateful. The reader may even think that they would not be upset at all, after all Tyler was a miracle!
The reader may even feel angry with me for being jealous, if you are now childless. I understand all this and I have given myself many a good talking to, but the bottom line is I felt angry, infertile, out of control and just plain sad.
I too, wanted to have another child, but I needed an audience of at least ten doctors and nurses to get pregnant. Conception was something that was out of my immediate control. I loved my friends, and I have to admit that it bothered me that there increasing talk about their pregnancies bothered me! After all, I had been pregnant. It was not a mystery to me. I had Tyler. I should not be bothered by this kind of talk. But I was. I felt left out. I felt different. Right or wrong this is how I felt and still feel.
I am writing this piece because I don’t think that I am alone. I am part of a new population of people that are being helped by the new technologies and have one child. We are faced with a mixed bag of emotions and options. I think that many of us feel guilty over any feelings of unhappiness, after all we now have a child. Didn’t we pray to God that we would do anything to have that child? Many of us felt that if we had that child, we would never think about infertility again. So what happened?
First, with the birth or adoption of a child you begin to mix in with other mothers. When you are childless, many of us do not expose ourselves to the myriad of the neighborhood playground. After the arrival of your infant, many of us join the merry throng of the stroller set.
We join the fertile world of mothers. In the beginning, you may be completely content to be surrounded by infants and toddlers when you yourself have one.
You may not be bothered anymore by pregnant women. After all, many of us are plenty busy with our own. But our own gets older too, and just like our friends we begin to think about another child. But we are infertile, our child was a miracle. We contemplate our next move while all our friends quite normally complete their families. If we did not have infertility problems, the how, when and should we have another child would not be the earth shattering issue that it can become for people with impaired fertility. I have felt guilty over my desire for another child.
Sometimes I felt that I was like the wife in the fairy tale, The Old Man and the Sea. In the story the wife kept asking for a bigger wish, never being satisfied with what she had.
Eventually she lost everything. Well, I have really tried to work through these emotions and I have decided that I am not a bad person for desiring another child. I do not think we are wrong to want another child. Why should we not want things that other people take for granted? If having children and siblings for children were not normal part of the life process, why do people constantly ask me when Tyler is going to get sister?
The fact is that when you must rely on high technology to have another child there are many issues that you have to contend with. For my husband and I, money is a concern. It costs a great deal of money to have a child the high tech way, and I have chosen to stay home since the birth of Tyler. We don’t have the cash flow that we used to. If you do not have the money you cannot play the game. I couldn’t believe that some of the IVF Centers are now taking MasterCard and VISA! The money spent on conceiving another child will take significant money away from the child that we now have. Then there is the question of pain and suffering.
None of this stuff is fun. We are not talking about playing footsie in the backseat of a Chevy.
I have to be unconscious, which is probably the only thing that will get rid of the Pergonal headache I will most likely have at that point! And let’s not forget that I will being doing this cycle that I used to grump and sleep through with a not so understanding toddler.
There is also that unrelenting fear of how we would deal with a possible failure of the procedure that we may have unrealistic confidence in. There is always the feeling that we should quit while we are ahead. All of the high tech procedures have less than a fifty-fifty chance of producing a child. Tyler was a bolt of lightning. Does lightning strike twice? Should we count our blessings and give up? Is it human nature to always want more? I don’t know the answers to these questions. I just know that if I had the choice, Tyler would not be an only child. I would like him to have a sibling to play monopoly with. My husband and I have room in our hearts if not our apartment, for another child.
We have made the decision to try again. A recent try with our frozen embryos did not work. I have decided to go back to work next year raise the capitol needed for another try. I don’t know how many attempts we will be emotionally and financially able to swing, but we will try.
We will not be devastated if another pregnancy does not occur. I will not allow the desire for another child to rule my life. It is true, we do have Tyler and the pain is different this time around even if it is still there. I may feel left out of the current neighborhood baby boom, but I am still Tyler’s mother and we get to do all the great mother-kid stuff that I always dreamed about. The emotions are much more manageable when you have a kid to pick up and love. It’s just that I have two arms. So, will Tyler have a little sister or brother? I’m hopeful, but we’ll just have to wait and see.
Authors Note: Tyler became a big brother a little more than two years later with the arrival of Spencer, who was a I.V.F. conception.
Categories
Adoption •
Infertility •
IVF •
Pregnancy •
Reproductive Technologies
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Ho..Ho…Ho…
December 4, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Corey
I don’t know about you, but this year.... the holiday...not so much. It’s been a rough year for me personally with a sister who’s been struggling with a life-threatening illness and an assortment of other family challenges. Not to mention that the entire staff—including me—has been working 24/7 to keep The AFA running free of charge. Frankly, the idea of an endless round family parties, latkes and eggnog, well, it feels like a bit more than I can handle with my customary good humor.
And I know that when I was going through my own infertility, a hard year felt even worse. It never failed that some best friend or sister-in-law would wait until the holidays to announce during dinner that she was pregnant. It was more than my poor heart could stand.
I know that a lot of you trying so hard to build your families may feel this way, too.
The difference is that now you’ve The AFA at your side, just like we’ve been doing for more than a decade.
Whenever you need objective and reliable information or unwavering support, we’re there to extend the psychological and emotional lifeline you can depend upon. Over the years, we’ve seen the need for our services soar. So we took the unprecedented step of taking down the barriers to membership in this unique organization. We made it FREE.
We were able to keep it free because corporate sponsors underwrote the cost of membership completely.
That is no longer the case. And frankly...today I am writing to ask for your financial help. We need your generous contribution keep our “No Barriers” membership program alive and growing.
The fact is corporate sponsorships for all patient organizations—and The AFA—have been drastically cut back. But the demand for the critical services we offer keeps growing. Every month, 500 new members come to The AFA seeking answers to questions about fertility, reproductive health and all the ways of building families. Some people are just starting out. Some are facing infertility. Still others are veterans of Assisted Reproductive Medicine. All of them need the unique brand of understanding, mutual support and top-notch educational materials for which The AFA is renowned.
Simply by signing up, new members easily access:
- Our extensive and ever-expanding online library.
- Our weekly online chats.
- Moderated message boards.
- Our Toll-free support line.
- In-person workshops
- Our one-of-a-kind detailed professional network lists to locate physicians and allied professionals.
We provide in-person education at Fertility and Adoption Conferences in New York City and in 2008, for the first time, on February 10th in San Francisco.
And in 2008 we’ll be joining forces with allied organizations to provide direct services such as free screening for PCOS and Endometriosis.
But there’s so much more The AFA gives to members. We are the most ardent advocates for policies that support our most fundamental human rights of access to accurate fertility and reproductive health education, reproductive and fertility healthcare, and—most important—the right to build the families of our choice. The AFA takes YOUR issues:
- To the media in over 1,200 interviews each year.
- To the President’s Counsel on Bioethics.
- Before the FDA and other local, state and federal government agencies.
The bottom line is this: for membership to remain free, for The AFA to continue to represent you, for The AFA to continue to serve this rapidly growing community, we need everyone to pitch in. It’s that simple.
Please take a moment right now to make a tax-deductible gift.
Consider becoming part of our donor program with a recurring monthly gift. Click on the link...it has all the information on it. Though “cash is king,” gifts of frequent flyer miles, particularly American Express Points, are also gratefully received. What ever you choose to do, please do something.
No one should have to make this journey alone. Your gift today will ensure that they won’t. From all of us at The AFA, thank you. We wish you and yours a happy and healthy 2008. And in the end...we will get through this wonderful season together!!!
Until Tomorrow,
Pamela
Questions about making a donation? Don’t know how to donate points or miles? Or would just feel more secure giving a donation on the telephone? Call us toll-free at (888) 917-3777 and speak to Lisa or email Corey Whalen, Director of Development, at Corey@TheAFA.org
Categories
Adoption •
Infertility •
PCOS •
Reproductive Technologies
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The Season of Celebration
October 30, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Pamela
The holidays are upon us. They came marching in for some of us in September with the Jewish holidays..and will continue to dance around us through January 1st.
Today is Halloween...and those cute little trick or treaters ringing your door bell can be bitter sweet.
Yes...the holidays can be tough stuff when you are trying to conceive. After all, they are about celebration and we may not feel like celebrating. Holiday’s can be about giving thanks and we may not be feeling very thankful at the moment. Holidays are markers of time and remind us that once again we are not sharing these potentially joyous celebrations with a little one or a swelling belly. Holidays are about gatherings and seeing family. Our extended families may be growing around us, and we may feel like the flawed couple in the midst of toddlers and pregnancy announcements. Our families may be looking for “updates” if we have been open about our struggles, or may ask subtle inquiries about our plans for family building. Holidays that have the expectations of being filled with joy, can for those of us experiencing infertility, be a conundrum. One big problem.
How do you cope? There are many theories and suggestions by mental health experts who specialize in caring for the emotional health of the couple experiencing infertility. Everyone acknowledges that this is a toughie.
Suggestions often center around taking yourself into as many “kid free” zones as possible. Try to attend adult only parties. Permission is given for you to skip family functions or situations that are just too painful, explaining to family and friends that you just can’t handle it right now. Suggestions are given for gift giving, such as using catalogs instead of dealing with stores that could be filled with painful reminders and situations. Coming to celebrations late after the part of the tradition that causes you the most pain is over, or leaving early before they begin.
These can be good suggestions, and if they fit with your coping style, you may want to test one or more of them out and see if they ease the sadness. I also need to bring into the picture another point of view.
Reproductive difficulties or infertility is a robber. A thief that is trying to steal your dreams of a family. A burglar of joy. If you loved decorating your door with orange pumpkins and spooky witches...should you allow infertility to take that joy away too?
Perhaps, thought should be given into taking charge of the holidays the way you are encouraged to take charge of your infertility!
Maybe you should be the one to host and coordinate Thanksgiving dinner. You tell everyone what to bring. When to come. When to go! Being a host and hostess takes effort and planning. If you enjoy cooking, you can experiment with new recipes and really out do yourself! You can pick the music and your favorite traditions. You are in charge of the guest list. You might want to include some friends that are also experiencing infertility. You and your spouse will be very busy during the festivities making sure the soup is just right and you will be the boss, not the guest which puts you in a different role for the evening. One of my friends who has experienced infertility told me that she always made Mother’s Day! She was able to be in control, a part of a family day, and have an important role that she was able to receive praise and satisfaction for. Infertility is isolating enough, and your family want to see you and include you.
Being the hostess is a good way to be a important part of the celebration and having a focus other than your private pain.
Another way to take charge of the holidays is to volunteer. Please don’t groan! But maybe you REALLY REALLY can’t stand seeing your pregnant cousin this year, but you want to be with people and enjoy the holidays. Volunteering to serve dinner at a soup kitchen or visiting the lonely at nursing homes or hospitals can really lift the spirits. You can be a part of the holiday season and do a good deed by helping people who are in a different kind of pain. Sometimes, as awful as it sounds, seeing and helping people who for example, don’t have enough food to eat, may help you feel blessed with all that is good with your life.
Take charge of the holidays and hopefully next year, someone else will be in charge!
Trick or Treat!
Pamela
Categories
Infertility •
Reproductive Technologies
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