The American Fertility Association Blog

Words To Live By

February 20, 2009 - Friday
Posted by Lisa

It is in relationship to another, not in isolation, that we are defined, and refined against the grindstone of life.

Words to live by. I am reminded of these words quite often in my role of National Spokesperson for The American Fertility Association. In speaking to men and women who are heartbroken in the face of their infertility, I am constantly made aware of the human instinct to isolate. Healing the heart, the soul, and the body go a long way towards preparing men and women to parent, and just as importantly, towards living the life we are meant to live.

Both yogis, my husband Tom and I have often considered yoga to be a metaphor for relationship. When I struggled with my own secondary infertility, couples yoga helped Tom and I to share a breath, when we often couldn’t find our way to share the stress on our intimacy, without the specter of “can I or can’t I conceive” floating over our heads.
Through our work, we came to know, admire and respect Dr. Daoshing Ni. A master of the tao of fertility, Dr. Ni’s philosophy is to prepare body, mind and spirit for new life. In treating the individual, Dr. Ni believes that healthy sexual intimacy is the fountain of youth. He was instrumental in protecting and preserving the pregnancy that I was able to attain that resulted in our son, John Zakery Henri. For that, we will be forever indebted to his experience, wisdom and knowledge.

I am so very pleased to announce that Dr. Daoshing Ni will be this year’s recipient of the Visionary Award. Dr. Ni will be presented with this award at The AFA’s 7th annual Illuminations LA cocktail party, to take place on Saturday evening, April 4th.

Illuminations has long been heralded for being the best party in town. Where else can you find family members willing to donate their sperm, interracial adoption, and a good healthy dose of familial intrigue, mayhem, and drama? Possibly on the ABC TV hit show, Brothers and Sisters, which follows my own show, Desperate Housewives, on Sunday nights. I am thrilled that Brothers and Sisters will be acknowledged for their plot lines about third party reproduction and adoption at Illuminations that evening as well, with the bestowment of the Advocacy Award.

It is my request that you consider joining us that evening, to support the work of The AFA, and to honor Dr. Ni as well as Brothers and Sisters. The proceeds raised that evening will go directly into The AFA’s cutting edge infertility prevention programs.

For information on attending the event please contact Lisa Van Ness at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or click here. I look forward to seeing you on April 4th.

Namaste,

Brenda

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A Girl’s Night Out

February 11, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Lisa

Last night I had the pleasure of spending time on Long Island at our 2nd Manicure & Martini (M&M) Infertility Prevention event. Although it wasn’t as heavily attended as the first event in NYC it still had as much excitement, desire and fun – maybe even a bit more fun. As the evening began, it quickly became a girl’s night out, our own little party with Fertilitini’s in hand, casual conversation, and phenomenal manicures by the Dashing Diva staff.
This M&M was led by Dr. Allison Styne of East Coast Fertility who did a wonderful job throughout the night keeping the conversation going with lots of questions, answers and quite a few giggles. Even though some of the women walked in a bit unsure of what the night would bring they all came with a deep desire to learn more about themselves, their lifestyles and their future. They were so anxious to hear about their biological clock or the effect of STDs on their fertility and what they can do about it now, that two of the women traveled from Manhattan to be there. One of them had to head back home to New Jersey after the event! Not an easy commute by any means but it meant that much to her to be there.
The best part of the evening however was watching each and every one of them walk out with a smile, acknowledging that they knew a little bit more about themselves – and what they could do now – that might make a difference to them in the future. It was truly my pleasure to be among all of these wonderful women last night.
Thanks to our sponsors, East Coast Fertility and Schering Plough for helping us make a difference, one event at a time.

Melinda Micciola
Director of Operations
The American Fertility Association

Categories
Fertility • Fertility Preservation • Infertility

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Why is an Escrow Agent/Account a good idea In a surrogacy arrangement?

February 11, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Lisa

Escrow accounts. Some swear by them. Some hate the idea. But I am here to give you MY ‘professional’ opinion and hopefully you will see the beauty in the simplicity of the reason behind an Escrow account.

At the signing of the contract the Intended Parents’s deposit the entire amount of the surrogate fees including an estimate of co-pays, possible child care, possible housekeeping, lost wages etc. with their chosen escrow agent. (That person or firm will most likely be your own attorney or they will be able to recommend someone.) It may cost an additional $1,000+ but it will be well worth it. My motto has always been don’t mix money with babies and this keeps it as separate as it can be under these circumstances. (The escrow account is not set up for medical, clinical, psychological, or anything other then the surrogate’s direct surrogacy/pregnancy related expenses.) If you are working with a first time surrogate with insurance this amount could be between $18,000 and $22,000. Yes, that is a lot of your hard earned money to have in an non-interest baring account but it’s best to have everyone involved know that if there is a pregnancy the money is there and ready. If, and I mean IF, there is no pregnancy, then any money not used will be returned back to the IP’s. (Money may have been subtracted for start of medications fees or transfer fees, mileage, lost wages, etc.)

Moving forward….your surrogate is pregnant. She has receipts and monthly base fees and possible travel expenses. Money that she needs to be reimbursed from somewhere. If the money has been deposited with an escrow agent then your surrogate only needs to have financial conversations with that person handling your money. The escrow agent then will call you, the IP’s, if there is an unusual request that isn’t specified in the contract. Usually, if all requests are only the base fee or maternity clothing etc, then a monthly statement is sent unless another arrangement has been made. Having your surrogate only discuss money, payments, reimbursements, compensation, (whatever you want to call it) with your escrow agent allows YOU, the IP’s, to have conversations with your surrogate about the more important issues that are going on like the latest OB appointments, how she is feeling, what she is planning on doing next weekend, how her family is, what color you are painting the baby’s room….much more pleasant don’t you think, then “Hey, I need $5.95 for that prescription I picked up yesterday.” or “I hate to say anything but my monthly check is a 10 days late.”

I mentioned that these were simple reasons to have an escrow agent however writing it all out made it seem longer then I wanted! In all seriousness, please consider making your life easier and your surrogate more comfortable by using an escrow account. Its worth it in the end!

Sharon LaMothe
InfertilityAnswers.net

Categories
Surrogacy • Third Party Reproduction

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Lush Chocolate

February 2, 2009 - Monday
Posted by Lisa

I know it won’t make sense to anyone but me, but Long Island always makes me think of chocolate. When I was a little girl we used to visit my Aunt Gladys in Hempstead every other month, and she would let me have all of the chocolate and potato chips I could ever want.

So now that I find myself planning a Manicures & Martinis event on Long Island - to take place just a few days before Valentine’s Day - all I can think about is chocolate martinis and lush red Fertilitinis. Putting heart shaped chocolate candy in the gift bags of the young women who will be there.

I spent a lot of time on the phone this week with the women who came to the first M&M. No chocolate at that event, but they all came away with the sweet knowledge that their futures, and their fertility potential, was bright. I am looking forward to bringing that message of hope to the women that I will meet next week in East Hills.

I am so glad that it is Dr. Alli Styne of East Coast Fertility who will be speaking to these women on Feb. 10th. She is amazing. Her compassion and uplifting spirit is contagious, only rivaled by her expertise.

So we’re asking you today to spread the word. Let the women in your life that you love know about this wonderful event. The message of infertility prevention is so critical, we are choosing to get into the geographical nooks and crannies to deliver it. Not just in Big City USA, where 60 women crowd into a room to hear what we have to say, but also in suburbs like Long Island where women spend two hours, five days a week, commuting. In boroughs like Brooklyn. In Smalltown USA. Anywhere that we are needed. And it would seem that we are needed everywhere.

Happy Valentine’s Day,

Corey

Please consider making a donation to our Infertility Prevention Initiative. We are grateful to our sponsors, please click here to see a full list of this initiative’s sponsors to date.

Categories
Family Building • Fertility • Infertility

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