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The American Fertility Association Blog

Reach Out

November 19, 2007 - Monday
Posted by Lisa

Hello everyone. My name is Lisa VanNess and I am the Development Manager and a full-time employee of The American Fertility Association. I joined The AFA in February of 2006, bringing with me seven years experience in the field of infertility, having worked at two reproductive clinics. I assist in the coordination of events and daily business functions of the organization but most importantly, I handle the Support Line and I want you to know that I am here for you and that you can always pick up the phone and get me on the other end.

Do you ever have days while struggling with infertility that you feel you have no one to reach out to and that no one understands what you are going through? Do you feel like you could just curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of your life away when your monthly “friend” appears? Do you need information on clomid or a few suggestions on fertility clinics or therapists to treat with? Are you looking into adoption or third party reproduction and not too sure where to get reliable information? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes” then you should consider contacting me on our support line. So are you asking yourself how I could possible know how you feel?

Not only do I have the experience having worked at fertility clinics but I also struggled with infertility myself. It took me about a year and a half to conceive my daughter. It was a time of roller coaster emotions, arguments with my spouse, jealously towards my friends who were pregnant or who had children and a deep feeling of sadness because my body was failing me. So believe me, I do understand.

Please don’t think that you are a bother or your questions are silly. I have several people who call me on a weekly basis just to chat and to tell me where they are in treatment, how the adoption process is progressing for them, to let me know they are finally pregnant or that they just delivered their baby. Please remember that I will always be available to speak with you. If you would like to reach out to me, the support line number is (888) 917-3777. I’d love to hear from you.

Lisa

Categories
Fertility • Infertility

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Claiming My Body

November 15, 2007 - Thursday
Posted by Corey

My mom never had regular periods. She was married for 14 years and got pregnant when she was 40. She was pregnant for five months before she realized it; everyone thought she was simply getting fat. So, when I, her only daughter, had had only one period by the age of 15, she took me to my first gynecologist. Stein-Leventhal he said, later to be known as PCOS.

Defensively I pretended, mostly to myself, that I never wanted to be a mommy. I was the wild one who would never settle down, roam the world and play. No domestication for me! But hard wiring took over and I desperately fought to conceive when I was in my thirties, and thankfully, through IVF, I made it.

PCOS, if you let it, robs you of a lot of things. It robs you of your femaleness, your sexuality, your birthright to walk the world as a beautiful woman. I remember 12 years ago, after I gave birth to Connor and Caitlin, the song that kept playing in my head, the one that I dedicated to my doctor, was Aretha Franklin’s “Natural Woman”. For the first time in my life that was how I felt. But PCOS was still my enemy; I ballooned up to a ridiculous weight and felt more detached from my core than I ever had before. Through desperation, I turned to the Atkins Diet and shockingly, the lbs. rapidly cascaded off me; clearly this was what my insulin resistant body was craving.

So here I sit at 52 years old. I’ve learned how to eat and how to move and have claimed my body through low carb eating and the passion and joy of physical movement. I get a period, still, every 28 days, usually around 2:00 in the afternoon. I am as Pam puts it, the poster child for healthy living. I am beautiful. And I have taken a stand, in my life, to support every woman out there who has PCOS to walk the world as the beautiful woman she has the birthright to be. That is my commitment and the heart and soul of the work that I bring to The AFA. I invite you to join me. Life is a wonderful dance!

Yours in health and happiness,
Corey

Categories
Fertility • Infertility • IVF • PCOS

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Whose Story Is This Anyway?

November 13, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Stuart

Our industry is engaging in serious conversations around disclosure issues for children born through sperm and egg donation. As the CEO of a surrogacy and egg donation company, I am involved in these conversations almost daily with both professionals and clients.

But, it is also personal as my partner and I are 28 weeks pregnant with our son through the assistance of an egg donor and surrogate.

We have heard every opinion about this issue—most laced with quite a bit of judgment. One close friend who is also the father of three children through surrogacy and egg donation actually “scolded” me for disclosing to our friends and family who the sperm donor is. “You are taking away the child’s right to tell their own story and that is not right,” he said.

But, my parents never asked me if I wanted it disclosed that they had created me with my father’s sperm and my mother’s egg—and, horrors, that they actually had sex to do it! So, whose story is this anyway?

My partner and I are a mixed-race couple. He is African American and I am white—some would say pale! We decided that we wanted our child to be a reflection of both of us so we picked a white donor who has some resemblance to me and used my partner’s sperm. For us, it was an easy decision and one which we are proud of.

We decided to share this with everyone as neither of us believes that it makes one bit of difference in who the “parents” are. Let’s face it, like many people, we needed help in creating our family and we want to make sure that our child understands that he was created with love and thoughtfulness.

As gay men, we endured shame in our own lives and we certainly don’t want our child feeling any shame for how he was created. We want him to know and celebrate his story.

So, are we ruining our child’s life? I sure hope not. But, I am sure there may be a day when he looks at me and says, “You aren’t my real daddy,” and that will break my heart a bit. But, I will look right in his eyes and tell him I love him and that I am his real daddy, and that he is a very lucky young man to have one that loves him as much as I do.

For all of you out there struggling with this issue, I encourage you to stay engaged in the conversation. And, as the Co-Chair of the American Fertility Association, I will promise you that we’ll stay engaged in the conversation with you as well—and do so without judgment.

All the best,
Stuart Miller
Co-Chair
American Fertility Association

Categories
Egg Donation • Surrogacy

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