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The American Fertility Association Blog

Greetings from Planet Menopause

June 29, 2009 - Monday
Posted by Corey

My life is ruled by hot flashes these days and I have to tell you, it ain’t no picnic. I’m 53, and today my twins turn 14 years old. They ate birthday cake for breakfast and partied like it’s 2009. And in the midst of all this joy, I couldn’t help my mind from wandering back to that day when I gave birth to them, with the help of IVF, at 39 years old.

You know, women contact The AFA all the time for help with getting pregnant and a full 30% of them are over the age of 35. Women my age call almost every week, in various states of denial about their fsh level and possibility of motherhood. It’s heartbreaking, and it has made me weary. These women so want to have a baby, and time has not diminished that want. If anything, it has increased it. It’s devastating, sometimes scary even, trying to talk to women about their fertility potential and that tick tick. Tick. Could this really be the “disease of infertility” or is it simply nature’s way?

I’m going on record right now to say that I’m personally committed to changing the conventional wisdom around the bio clock in this country. I am a bio clock vigilante. I am a stand for educating women about the truth about their own bodies.

I am committed to getting less phone calls from 42 year old women who are shocked that they can’t conceive, and more phone calls from women of any age letting me know that they gave birth to a 6 pounder with rosy cheeks.

Gratefully, I am the Program Director for The American Fertility Association. I have an amazing army of people who have joined me in taking this stand.

Ok. I need to open the freezer now and stand in front of it for about five minutes.

Happy birthday Connor and Caitlin, I love you. Happy birthday to me.

Categories
Fertility Preservation

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From the Outside, Looking In

June 18, 2009 - Thursday
Posted by admin

The questions, statements, and facts surrounding infertility prevention never cease to amaze me. Each time I hear something on the topic which I’ve heard a dozen times before, it still drops my jaw. Tuesday evening we had a delightful group of 27 women take part in a discussion about infertility prevention, led by Dr. Brian Acacio, of Acacio Fertility Center in Laguna Niguel. It was the latest, in a string of very successful Manicures & Martinis events, The AFA’s national infertility prevention series.

Questions asked at previous events were asked Tuesday night; the discussion went well past sixty minutes; and the women (including and especially the manicurists) were enthralled with Dr. Acacio’s wit and sense-of-humor used to deliver information on such a serious topic. So, besides the obvious, like the speaker and location, what made this one different from the rest? There are plenty of differences which, frankly, are hard to explain. But, a few come to mind: one being Joanne Brown. Ms. Brown enjoyed a Fertilitiini™, enjoyed a manicure, and enjoys life. You see, she struggled with infertility and is now the proud mama of a five month old baby boy, thanks to Dr. Acacio’s help. Her reason for attending was to make herself available to the group of young women for questions. You could tell she has a strong and unique bond with Dr. Acacio and his staff. Whether it’s Dr. Acacio or another fertility specialist – she was there to reassure the ladies there is help out there, when and if they need it. Hopefully they won’t.

Most grandparents (and parents, of course) proudly display photos of their prized possessions on their desk, or in this case on their manicures station. When the event was over one of the manicurists raced over to Mary Garbarino of Acacio Fertility Center with a large picture frame in hand, housing a photo of a beautiful young boy and girl, and said, “these are my two frozen embryo grandbabies,” as her eyes welled up with joy.

Or how about the couple Dr. Acacio mentioned hearing about. The couple attempted intrauterine insemination (IUI) five times, only to discover it was male factor infertility which accounts for some part in 40% of all infertility cases. A tremendous amount of money which could have been saved, had only the guy gotten a simple a simple sperm test (a whopping fifty bucks).

Joann, the manicurist, and the IUI couple have already been there, done that. Their stories not only provide hope, but their experiences also serve as an incredibly valuable educational tool. Furthermore, The AFA is committed to making sure you’re well aware of all facets of family building. I provided live Twitter updates throughout the evening with some tidbits of information I’ve heard a dozen times before, but never cease to amaze me (if you missed them, check out our twitter page at http://www.twitter.com/amfertassoc). Since my wife and I aren’t trying to have a child yet, the infertility prevention series is of incredible value to me – each time I attend. At this point, I’m simply an outsider looking in, and by doing so from this vantage point, I may one day look back and think this is the best lesson I’ve ever learned.

Categories
Family Building • Fertility • Fertility Preservation • Frozen Embryos • Infertility • IUI

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Adventures of a Thirty Something Married Man… at Manicures & Martinis San Francisco

June 10, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by admin

A brilliant idea set forth and put into motion late last year by our Program Director (and frequent blogger) Corey Whelan. I must admit, at first, I was reluctant to support having the staff devote the time and energy necessary to make these things work. I was wrong, but then again…I’m a guy…who’s married…so I’m used to it. What guy is going to walk into a room full of people to discuss infertility? Chances are, I wouldn’t, and I know my buddies wouldn’t – instead we’d have a Bromantic getaway to the Rave 12 Cinemas to see The Hangover (great flick guys). I’m not a woman, so it’s hard for me to judge their perspective as it is for most husbands.

The AFA’s Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention Series targets young women; though anyone can attend…and they do. I had the honor and privilege of hosting Tuesday night’s event at Nova Nail Spa in San Francisco, where Dr. Marcelle Cedars of UCSF spoke to 37 young women and one man. That one man stood at the back of the house and observed. It wasn’t until the end he asked if I organized the event (don’t tell Corey I said “Yes”). After speaking with him for a few minutes he opened up. His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and the chemotherapy she went through probably harmed her ability to conceive a child naturally. The two already have a son. His wife was too shy to come; so he came for her – not wanting a manicure or martini, but simply three minutes with Dr. Cedars. He got it. Now that’s true love. Facing not a room of men talking about std’s, how hot tubs affect sperm, and the issue of why the testicles hang outside of the body, but rather a group of women talking about these exact topics…in detail nonetheless.

Dr. Cedars managed to captivate the crowd for a complete hour and fifteen minutes. Not a soul in the room let out a peep; some took notes; most asked questions. Questions ruled: ranging from exercising during pregnancy to whether endometriosis causes infertility to how ‘water tobacco’ affects fertility. This event was really like nothing I’ve ever seen. The only other Manicures & Martinis event I have attended was the debut event in Manhattan several months ago, but that was our first and we’ve learned and improved a lot since then. At this event, the attendees wouldn’t stop thanking me, praising Dr. Cedars (who stuck around for an extra full thirty minutes afterwards to answer personal questions, by the way), and asking when Manicures & Martinis would return to San Francisco. With the wait list in excess of 15, it’s probably safe to say we’ll be back. The one man, you ask? Well, he’s planning to tell his wife more about the event and is even considering the drive South to Laguna Niguel for our next event on Tuesday, June 16th, which is filling up. I promised to save two seats for him and his wife.

Clearly my ‘Manicure & Martini reluctance’ has completely diminished. The success of this program leads me to believe this series should hit every US city with a population of more than, let’s say…200,000. By the way, I managed to drag my wife to The Hangover last week and the answer is ‘Yes,’ I would absolutely attend Manicures & Martinis in her place. I might even go so far as to recommend guys attend this event of their own free will. Really.

If you haven’t been to Manicures & Martinis, please do. You’ll have the chance as it’s on the way to a city near you.

Brian Armentrout
Communications Director

Secrets

May 20, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Corey

I was interviewed by Vogue Magazine today about the Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention Program. The editor wanted to know what the most important take home message from the series was. I circled around that for awhile and this is what I truly think. More than anything else on the planet, people are entitled to their own personal truth. The truth about themselves. And women deserve to know the truth about their own biological clocks and what their bodies can and can’t do.

Personal truth. In my view, people have the right to know. Were they were donor inseminated? Or adopted? Carried by a surrogate? Whatever it is, we all have the right to know.

You know what? Facebook has been very good to me. I have reconnected with friends and family I haven’t seen in years and years but never stopped loving. I have brought lots of family back into my life, among them, seven cousins, especially my cousin Robyn who is one of the true loves of my life. But another cousin too, who was adopted in 1955, the same year I was born. But you know what’s really weird – I don’t think he knows he’s adopted. And here we sit, reconnecting over coffee after all these years, and I have a secret. His secret. We are both in our fifties, and even after all this time, it’s so bizarre. I don’t think he knows that we are not biologically linked. And to tell you the truth, it is making me crazy.

God, how the world has changed since the 1950’s, it’s like another planet, not another era. I have a funny photograph of my cousin being bottle fed by his mom while she is holding a cigarette in the same hand. Child abuse by today’s standards.

My cousin has a right to know. And I don’t know what the hell to do.

Corey Whelan
Program Director
The American Fertility Association

Categories
Adoption • Donor Sperm • Fertility Preservation • Infertility • IUI • Surrogacy

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Manicures & Martinis & MDs

May 14, 2009 - Thursday
Posted by admin

By Lori Holden

One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things just doesn’t belong
Can you guess which thing is not like the others…?

The Sesame Street song was in my head as the nail tech pushed back my cuticles at the American Fertility Association‘s Manicures & Martinis event in Denver.

I was in a room full of beautiful 20-somethings. Tanned legs, cute sun dresses, fresh skin. We were all guests of the AFA to begin thinking about our fertility and to listen to three doctors from Conceptions Reproductive Associates of Colorado.

I ONCE had tanned legs. I ONCE wore cute sundresses that didn’t have spaghetti sauce in some not-so-hidden crease. I ONCE had fresh skin.

But I never, in my 20s, worried about my fertility. Back then, we were trying hard NOT to get pregnant. And, we were told, “people have babies well into their 40s—you have plenty of time.”

So when I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31, I was not concerned. When we married at 32, I was not concerned. When, after a year of not exactly trying to become pregnant but not really trying not to, I began to grow concerned.

I could have used a night like this back then. Or even before then.

After welcoming remarks by AFA Executive Director Ken Mosesian, Drs. Swanson, Bush and Albrecht told about substances and activities that can decrease fertility in both men and women. They shared results of studies on everything from egg health to treatment success rates to timing of intercourse. They entertained questions about an alphabet-soup of issues: PCOS, POF, MFI, OHSS, IVF, IUI and the rest of the infertility lexicon.

(I am now reading The Land of IF: Understanding Infertility and Exploring your Options, so I was able to follow the technical parts. Mostly.)

The good doctors were informative and charming, and I could see trusting them with my fertility hopes, if I had been like the others instead of being a tired mom having a rare night out with an organization I’m now blogging for.

How did my story turn out? Well, we never did get the better of our fertility. Our one shot at IVF was a failure, and we faced it alone and isolated in the days before online support groups, blogs, forums and the AFA.

But we did become parents, nonetheless. In 2001, we were at our daughter’s birth, and remain in contact with her first parents in a fully open adoption. Two years later, her brother joined us as an infant, and our family was complete.

Lest you think I’m blowing the age gap out of proportion, check out the local news clip. You’ll see my back (I’m talking with the doctors) at 1:12 where the voice over says, “Most importantly, know about the AGE FACTOR.”

Even though I was not like the others—wanting to know the ways to preserve my fertility—I did somehow manage to enjoy my manicure and martini.

Some things are universal.

Lori Holden blogs about open adoption and mindful living amid chaos at Weebles Wobblog, and she dishes up sassy reviews at All Thumbs Reviews. Lori has recently joined the AFA as a contributing blogger.
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http://WeeblesWobblog.blogspot.com ...mindful living amid chaos

http://AllThumbsReviews.blogspot.com ...sassy reviews by sassy chicks

@BestLight ...follow me on Twitter
http://twitter.com/BestLight

Categories
Adoption • Fertility Preservation • IUI • IVF • PCOS • Pregnancy • Reproductive Health

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