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Child-Free Living on Father’s Day
June 22, 2009 - Monday
Posted by admin
About 10 years ago, I received a call from my dad just before Father’s Day. My mom had recently died from her second bout with cancer, and my dad and I had become extremely close as a result. After the usual check-in conversation (how are you feeling, how are the dogs, etc…) he asked if my partner and I had thought about having children, and if so, when he might look forward to that blessed event.
I was caught a little off guard, and all I could say was “why?”
My coming out about a decade earlier was not initially well-received. For my mom, who told me she had known since I was a teenager, it removed any plausible denial that she had left, and solidified in my mind that mothers are truly psychic. For my dad, it was an event of seismic proportion, but not for the reasons that you might imagine. I was a baseball fan (go Giants then, go Diamondbacks now) and a private pilot - two activities that he in no way associated with being gay. “But you like sports!” was a phrase I got used to hearing over and over again as he sought to come to terms with my announcement.
Though everything smoothed out very quickly thanks to our nieces and nephews immediately accepting us, we had never broached the topic of having children with our parents. Not that we hadn’t thought about it. In fact, we had been giving it serious consideration for about six months when my dad popped the question. And that’s really the point of my writing today. Because everyone that I know who considered having children, the decision was not a casual one. As a gay couple, we considered adoption. There are many worthy organizations out there, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption being one of the best. What about surrogacy? Growing Generations which was one of the pioneers of surrogacy for the gay community, offered another option.
In looking back, our wrestling with the question was about us getting to the place where we recognized that child-free living was an equal option to having a child, so the decision could be made from that perspective. There were many considerations that went into our process, many of them purely emotional and all of them highly personal. My partner was - and still is - a second grade teacher. He has a brilliant way of interacting with children that most parents only aspire to and genuinely loves being with kids and teaching them. For my part, every time I held one of our friends’ babies, something inside me felt great. I kind of melted into the little one in my arms. We thought about how happy it would make my dad and my partner’s parents to have another grandchild. We looked at the practical side as well, knowing the costs involved, both financial and emotional. We looked at the rewards of guiding someone from infancy to adulthood and to deep satisfaction that we imagined in seeing our child live out his or her full potential. Perhaps most importantly, we asked ourselves what was as the heart of the matter, and the answer was creating family.
Ultimately, we opted for child-free living. And we realized that we had constructed a family around us that fulfilled our needs and that allowed us to contribute to others. A family that included our parents, our sisters and brothers, our nieces and nephews, our godchildren, our friends’ children, our friends at church, and yes - even our dog. Because for us family is that most special group of people that we choose to surround ourselves with, and that may or may not be related to us through birth. It is the group that we want to accompany us on our journey on earth. It was not an easy decision, but for us, it was the right one, and ten years later, it still feels right.
I’m going to give my dad a call in a few minutes to wish him a Happy Father’s Day, and to thank him for the answer to my oh-so-simple question 10 years ago when I asked him “why” he wondered if we were going to become parents. “Because,” he replied, “I think you and Bob would make great dads.”
Happy Father’s Day, dad. I love you.
Ken Mosesian
Executive Director
Categories
Adoption •
Donor Egg •
Egg Donation •
Family Building •
Surrogacy •
Third Party Reproduction
(1) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Georgia House Bill 388
June 2, 2009 - Tuesday
Posted by admin
By Melissa Brisman Esq. and Laurren Cuozzo Esq.
“The first ever embryo adoption act has passed and was signed into law in the United States. The repercussions of this very well may be far reaching and extreme, not only for individuals pursuing third party reproduction, but for the entire area of the law known as reproductive rights. We at The AFA will be covering this highly disturbing and important issue, as well as all of its ramifications extensively. As a first step, we determined that full understanding of Georgia House Bill 388 is important for our readers and we turned to Melissa Brisman, Esq. and Lauren Cuozzo, Esq. to clarify it for you, below. Please check The AFA blog often for updates.” – The AFA Staff
The Option of Adoption Act, Georgia House Bill 388, is the nation’s first ever embryo adoption bill. It passed the Georgia House by a vote of 108 to 61 and was signed into law by Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. It will take effect July 1st of this year. Once enacted, this law will allow recipients of donated embryos to “adopt” those embryos. These recipients can petition the Georgia superior court for a pre-birth order of adoption or “parentage.” However, recipients will still need to enter into a valid contract with the current “custodian” of the embryos. Where the “custodian” of the embryos to be donated created those embryos through the use of another donor, the court order (that recipients receive from the superior court) will terminate the rights of the genetic donor as well as the donating individual or couple. As a general matter, this law does not simplify the process for recipients of donated embryos. It creates more paperwork, court orders, and costs in a process that is currently relatively painless and less expensive than an adoption.
The new law defines an “embryo” as “an individual fertilized ovum of the human species from the single-cell stage to eight-week development.” It is unusual to describe a fertilized egg as an “individual” at the “single-cell stage.” Most people, including scientists and medical professionals, would not use this definition. According to the language of this law, these embryos are no longer “donated” by a donor but instead are “adopted” from a “guardian.” Not every embryo results in a baby. Under this law, recipients could incur the expense of “adopting” an embryo that never results in a child.
Melissa B. Brisman, Esq., LLC, located in Park Ridge, New Jersey. Melissa Brisman can be reached at info@reproductivelawyer.com and http://www.reproductivelawyer.com.
Lauren Cuozzo. Associate at the firm, Melissa B. Brisman, Esq., LLC. Ms. Cuozzo can be reached at laurenc@reproductivelawyer.com.
Categories
Adoption •
Donor Egg •
Embryo Donation •
Family Building •
Frozen Embryos •
Third Party Reproduction
(0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Facing Change
March 16, 2009 - Monday
Posted by Ken
Last year I wrote an article addressing how issues surrounding the topic of infertility would only become more intense in the coming year. What I didn’t realize is the degree to which the infertility conversation would enter mainstream media, and how quickly.
Thus far in 2009, the topic of infertility is everywhere. Whether it’s the mother of eight babies in California or a 60 (plus) year-old woman becoming pregnant through in-vitro fertilization (IVF), infertility has become part of most people’s daily listening and reading, if not daily conversation.
As I write this in mid-March, I’m wondering what’s going to happen this week when the Georgia State Senate considers a “personhood” bill, which defines life at the moment of conception and ascribes all human rights to the embryo from that point forward. The bill would make anyone who damages or destroys an embryo criminally liable, subject to both fines and imprisonment. It would further forbid any disposition of unused embryos except the option to donate them to another couple, (and they do mean married, heterosexual couples). The option to freeze embryos for use at a later date, donate them to scientific research, or dispose of them would be illegal if this bill becomes law.
There are several other bills floating around state legislatures right now. Many are designed to dictate to physicians and patients having difficulty conceiving how many embryos they can create, how many they may transfer, and what the disposition of any unused embryos must be.
New questions are being raised about the use of sperm taken posthumously from a male for the purpose of continuing a family line or ensuring inheritance. Who has the final say in these matters?
Egg freezing is emerging as the most asked about fertility topic of the year. Women and men want to know if eggs can be frozen for use at a later date, similar to what is currently being practiced with unused embryos. If so, what’s the success rate? Is this something we should be encouraging? Are there risks? What are they?
Egg freezing, taking sperm from dead men, legislators dictating what physicians and patients can and can’t do, and the very real possibility of microscopic tissue being called a “child” are just some of the issues The American Fertility Association (The AFA) is helping consumers sort through as they begin or find themselves in the midst of their family building journeys.
7.3 million American women experience difficulty conceiving or bringing a pregnancy to term. Fertility challenges among men may be just as high, as male factor infertility is the sole or contributing cause in about 40% of infertile couples. We are, indeed, faced with a significant challenge.
In addition to providing education and support for those facing fertility challenges, this year, The AFA began an infertility prevention program in which we take education to young women at places they already frequent – like nail salons and health clubs.
Why? There are types of infertility that can be prevented. Avoiding environmental toxins, taking into account the biological clock (fertility begins to decline at age 27 for women and 35 for men) and preventing STD’s are all things that can keep options open for individuals and couples if and when they decide to have children. As everyone knows, prevention, when possible, is the best cure.
Our mission is simple: prevent infertility whenever possible and support people in building families of choice. To learn more, visit us at http://www.theafa.org.
The American Fertility Association, a 501 (c) (3) national non-profit organization is a lifetime resource for infertility prevention, reproductive health and family building. AFA services and materials are provided free of charge to consumers and available to everyone without reservation. These services include an extensive online library, monthly online chats, telephone and in-person coaching, a resource directory, hosted message boards, daily fertility news and a toll-free support line.
http://www.theafa.org or 888.917.3777.
Ken Mosesian
Executive Director
Categories
Donor Egg •
Donor Sperm •
Egg Donation •
Egg Freezing •
Embryo Donation •
Family Building •
Fertility •
Fertility Preservation •
Frozen Embryos •
Frozen Sperm •
Infertility •
IVF •
Reproductive Freedom •
Sexual Health •
Sperm Donation •
Third Party Reproduction
(5) Comments • (1) Trackbacks • Permalink
Why is an Escrow Agent/Account a good idea In a surrogacy arrangement?
February 11, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Lisa
Escrow accounts. Some swear by them. Some hate the idea. But I am here to give you MY ‘professional’ opinion and hopefully you will see the beauty in the simplicity of the reason behind an Escrow account.
At the signing of the contract the Intended Parents’s deposit the entire amount of the surrogate fees including an estimate of co-pays, possible child care, possible housekeeping, lost wages etc. with their chosen escrow agent. (That person or firm will most likely be your own attorney or they will be able to recommend someone.) It may cost an additional $1,000+ but it will be well worth it. My motto has always been don’t mix money with babies and this keeps it as separate as it can be under these circumstances. (The escrow account is not set up for medical, clinical, psychological, or anything other then the surrogate’s direct surrogacy/pregnancy related expenses.) If you are working with a first time surrogate with insurance this amount could be between $18,000 and $22,000. Yes, that is a lot of your hard earned money to have in an non-interest baring account but it’s best to have everyone involved know that if there is a pregnancy the money is there and ready. If, and I mean IF, there is no pregnancy, then any money not used will be returned back to the IP’s. (Money may have been subtracted for start of medications fees or transfer fees, mileage, lost wages, etc.)
Moving forward….your surrogate is pregnant. She has receipts and monthly base fees and possible travel expenses. Money that she needs to be reimbursed from somewhere. If the money has been deposited with an escrow agent then your surrogate only needs to have financial conversations with that person handling your money. The escrow agent then will call you, the IP’s, if there is an unusual request that isn’t specified in the contract. Usually, if all requests are only the base fee or maternity clothing etc, then a monthly statement is sent unless another arrangement has been made. Having your surrogate only discuss money, payments, reimbursements, compensation, (whatever you want to call it) with your escrow agent allows YOU, the IP’s, to have conversations with your surrogate about the more important issues that are going on like the latest OB appointments, how she is feeling, what she is planning on doing next weekend, how her family is, what color you are painting the baby’s room….much more pleasant don’t you think, then “Hey, I need $5.95 for that prescription I picked up yesterday.” or “I hate to say anything but my monthly check is a 10 days late.”
I mentioned that these were simple reasons to have an escrow agent however writing it all out made it seem longer then I wanted! In all seriousness, please consider making your life easier and your surrogate more comfortable by using an escrow account. Its worth it in the end!
Sharon LaMothe
InfertilityAnswers.net
Categories
Surrogacy •
Third Party Reproduction
(3) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
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