The AFA thanks Google, a premiere sponsor, for their online advertising grant.
Follow Us:
The American Fertility Association Blog
Welcoming Jesse
May 27, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by admin
.jpg)
By: Sierra Hansen
When my partner announced 7 years ago she wanted to start a family, I was speechless. We never really talked about getting pregnant because we knew it would require money and effort and we simply weren’t ready to initiate the whole process. She was 37 and I was 31, so it was obvious she would go first. We announced our plans to get pregnant to all of our friends, asked for tons of advice, found a friend willing to be our donor, and tried to get pregnant.
And tried, and tried, and tried. We adopted a laissez faire attitude because like many women our ages, we thought as soon as we decided to get pregnant, it would be a snap. It wasn’t. After 7 years, we used 6 different sperm donors (known and unknown), underwent ~30 IUIs, 18 which were medically assisted with drugs, and finally one IVF procedure which culminated in a happy 9 month old boy.
At first, we were giddy with excitement every time we tried to inseminate, and we held our collective breath for the two weeks between trying and the first pregnancy test. After a year, we began to wonder if we shouldn’t talk to a specialist. We did, and it was eye-opening. We thought we were well-informed and educated about our fertility. Boy, were we wrong. So, we initiated a much more strategic, medically-assisted plan with a great physician who shared the startling truth about reproductive health. He brought up concerns about my partner’s age, and suggested we only try 6 IUI’s before we consider IVF or switching to me. We began to dread the two week wait, especially when our friends were constantly enquiring how the baby-making was coming along. We finally told people that no news was bad news, and most got the hint.
Meanwhile, we watched a number of our straight and gay friends have one and two babies. We rubbed pregnant bellies and babysat as much as possible hoping some good luck would rub off on us. After the 6 IUI’s with our doctor wrapped up the second year of trying, my partner had given up and it was my turn. She tried to keep her chin up, but I knew she was devastated. I did my best to support her, and we turned our hopes to my getting pregnant quickly. We took a few months off to recoup our energy and spirits and started again.
When I started, we didn’t tell anybody except for our closest friends. We just couldn’t handle the monthly barrage of questions, and the seemingly inevitable “No news is bad news” response. Our best friends tried to be supportive, but after 11 cycles of drug-assisted IUI’s, we began to isolate ourselves from them. One day, about 2 months before we knew we would have to make the decision to go forward with IVF or remain childless, we invited our neighbors who were walking by in for a glass of wine. She announced no wine for her because she was expecting, patting her belly to reinforce the announcement. A month earlier they were not even sure they wanted kids and all of a sudden they were pregnant. I wanted to yell at them, slam the door, crumple into a ball and cry. I didn’t. Somehow, I found the courage to invite them in, offer her a glass of water, and toast their good fortune. We did pull back from them, and our close friends, after letting them know we were really struggling with the inability to get pregnant. Our friends understood when we crawled into our shells.
When we initiated the IVF, our physician was incredibly optimistic. The most optimistic he had been in a long time. While my inability to get pregnant via IUI stumped him, he thought I would be a good candidate for IVF success. He was right. After all the shots, pills, ultrasounds, and blood tests, my doctor harvested 21 eggs, fertilized 14, and eventually 5 made it to blastocyst. We froze three, and two were transferred. One took, and when a beautiful 8lb, 6oz baby boy was born 9 months later, we named him Jesse. I had the easiest pregnancy in the world and Jesse is an amazing baby. Today we feel very lucky and grateful that we have a child with big blue eyes who sleeps through the night. However, we try to educate our friends who seek information about getting pregnant at every opportunity. If our experience can help shorten the time it takes another couple, we’ll consider it a bonus.
Best,
Sierra Hansen
To read more about Gay Moms Doing Well Despite Prop 8, click here
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elizabeth-gregory/gay-moms-doing-well_b_207455.html
Sierra Hansen and her partner, Barbara, have been together for 14 years, and last August she gave birth to a baby boy. She is currently a graduate student at the University of Washington researching on infertility genetics, policy, and law.
Categories
Donor Sperm •
Family Building •
Fertility •
Fertility Drugs •
Frozen Sperm •
Gay and Lesbian Family Building •
IUI •
IVF •
LGBT •
Pregnancy •
Sperm Donation
| September 2010 | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | |||
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | ||
Thank you so much for this blog. It is an amazing story and one that I think is so important for all people to know. I know in our case, my partner and I got pregnant the first try with a surrogate and egg donor but we have had friends who haven’t and it makes it hard on both sides. We wanted to be happy for our success but were so sad for them.
I think the most important message from your blog is to not ever give up! You may not get your baby the way you originally planned, but if you keep trying, it will happen. Congratulations on your inspirational success!