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Adoption - Ask the Expert

May 29, 2007 - Tuesday
7:31 PM to (EST)
Guest Speakers: Sam Pitkowsky
Adoptive Parents Committee

Categories
Adoption • International Adoption


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Corey_Whelan Welcome to tonight's chat, on Adoption. I am Corey Whelan, The AFA's Director of Development and your chat moderator. Tonight's special guest is Sam Pitkowsky. Sam is the President of the NY Chapter of the Adoptive Parents Committee, and a nationally known authority on adoption. He truly is a walking encyclopedia on every issue, both international and national. And he's here! Welcome Sam, as well as our early bird, Susan.
Corey_Whelan The chat will officially begin in a few minutes but Susan, please feel free to ask any questions that you may have.
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Dolores Hi, I have a question - I am single and live in CT. How hard will it be for me to adopt? I haven't started the process yet
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Corey_Whelan Hi, let's give Sam a few minutes, he may be experiencing some technical issues.
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Corey_Whelan welcome all to tonight's chat. I see that Sam is having some technical problems but please feel free to start posting your questions - Carolyn Berger, The AFA's Adoption Coordinator is here and she may be able to assist you while we wait. Welcom Carolyn.
carolynb Thanks, Corey. I'm glad to answer all your questions. There are no stupid questions!
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Corey_Whelan Welcome all. Sam is having some computer glitches, I just spoke to him. Please feel free to post your questions on adoption in the meantime to Carolyn, we are here to help!!!!
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carolynb I'm an adoptive parent (independent, USA) and run adoption workshops for The AFA.
carolynb Sam Pitkowsky has also adopted, and I have never asked an adoption question he has not given an anwer to!
shazza16 Well, I guess I will start. I am here tonight because my husband and I are considering adoption instead of egg donation. My first question is: where do you start?
samapc Does this work the color is not yellow
carolynb it works
Corey_Whelan YOu're in Sam! Welcome!
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samapc The best place to start is together by talking about WHAT YOU WANT//
shazza16 We want a child
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samapc The dream is about being amom and dad
shazza16 yes
Corey_Whelan Shazza, what state do you live in? And are your husband and you on the same page about wanting to adopt?
samapc You have to decide what type you now have choices
shazza16 I live in NJ. Absolutely on the same page...
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bheit My wife and I will be embarking upon donor egg in the next several weeks. We would like to be prepared in case this does not work with a back up plan... adoption. We too want a child... we've been through so much but don't really know where to start to find an agency.
Corey_Whelan ok, that's great. Have you thought about domestic vrs. international? Infant vrs. a little older or a lot older? Those are fundamental beginnings.
samapc Both independent adoption and international adoption are open to you
hope062006 Hi My husband I are planning to adopt internationally we live in NY
shazza16 I fear international adoption.....
Corey_Whelan because?
samapc Fundementally talk together about three important issues 1)
samapc age of child
shazza16 Because of the red tape, time taken off from work, traveling expenses....we have already spent a fortune with our own failed IVF's, etc.
samapc ethnicity
carolynb shazza, have you considered domestic adoption then?
shazza16 and I heard the laws in NJ give one year to the bio parents to take that child away.
shazza16 We are considering domestic adoption.
luna shazza I am in NJ and I know how you feel
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samapc and most importantly how important it is to you to have ahistory of the childs birthfamily
samapc That is not the law
Corey_Whelan Sam, can you address the issue about NJ State law and then can we move back to bheit's question please. And then Hope 062etc.
samapc The law that presides is the law in which the child is born in
Corey_Whelan State of birth of the child
samapc In ny as an example the birthmother has 45days to change her mind in Texas 24hours
carolynb how long does she have in NJ
shazza16 I heard that about Texas, my boss adopted a child from Texas for that reason alone
samapc In new jersy thebirthmother can end their parental rights in court after 30days
shazza16 Great
luna How do you find a trusted agency in NJ for domestic adoption of a newborn?
makin What about Georgia, what are the biological rights timeline
samapc If she does not want to go it increases to 90 days but that is a decresing anxiety that is only overturned by fraud or coercion
hoping how important is it for our child to be introduced to their culture? We are adopting from China.
Corey_Whelan Luna, the AFA has a helpline that can give you referrals for agencies, please feel free to call our 800 number at anytime.The number is 888-917-3777.
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samapc The best way to find andomestic agency or independent attorney is by being part of a supprt group
carolynb One of the best ways to learn about agencies is by going to Conferences featuring adoption agencies. Also, talking to other parents who have already used a particular agency is invaluable
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samapc If you have specific questions concerning an agency even the better bussiness bureau
samapc China question
JasieJoy When adopting internationally, is the health of the child a big issue? Like what are the chances they will have a serious disease etc...
carolynb hoping, most of us in adoption feel it is very important to teach a child adopted internationally about his culture--when you adopt internationally, you are adopting another culture along with your child.
luna Any idea why there is such a wide range in what agencies charge for home studies?
samapc Heritage of a child is VERY important It is their heritage and they have aright to it
samapc Remember to keep it simple do not overemphasize differences
bheit Sam- Not sure if you addressed my question, but what is the general waiting time for domestic Vs. international adoption? What are the general costs? We've done 3 IVF cycles and are getting ready for a donor egg cycle. Just want to know what to expect financially in case this is not successful and we need to move to adoption.
hoping and important for them to know others of their culture?
samapc You always make yourself available to tell the story of the adoption from day1
carolynb jasie joy: you can learn a great deal about a child's health before going to pick up your baby from another country. You will want to get in touch with an adoption pediatrician. This is a new sub-specialty in medicine.
JasieJoy Would they be here or in the country you are working with?
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samapc Always the problem in achat is too many different questions to fast for my typing
samapc You want apeditrician here to talk to you
carolynb Hoping, there are support groups for parents adopting from different cultures, ie Families With Children From China, Latin American Parents Association, Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoption
samapc To evaluate the health of the child before
luna How do you get support or deal with family members who are not pro-adoption?
samapc and to help afterwords in EARLY (FREE) INTERVENTION for the child
hoping are they able to give you a pretty good idea of the health of the child? Do you have them look at the reports before you say yes to your referral?
carolynb jasie joy: no they are here in the US.
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samapc It all depends on the country and the info you get
samapc Russia has an example
carolynb Hoping, they can look at the reports and pictures of the child. You can call them in the US from your orphanage abroad.
JasieJoy What if they don't know of a condition or health issue
samapc You have to make two trips
samapc One where you gather as much info about the child as possible and than confer with your doctor from russia
bheit what is the general waiting time for domestic Vs. international adoption? What are the general costs?
chrissy We adopted a baby girl, domestic in our state 10 months ago, just curious what the adoptive parents committee is - thanks
samapc again tree questions
hoping congrats chrissy
samapc APC website adoptiveparents.org
chrissy thanks hoping!
chrissy thanks
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samapc We give support before , during and most importantly after the adoption
samapc International vs domestic
luna bheit from what I've researched adoption cost can range from 15-40k
carolynb jasie joy: an international adoption pediatrician who has spoken often at AFA Conferences is Dr. Jane Aronson. You can check her website: www.orphandoctor.com
chrissy do you have much support for open adoptions?
samapc The main difference is that in international the waiting times and costs are more defined
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samapc Domestically and adoption can happan very quickly if the right call comes in quickly
chrissy thats true sam we only waited 4 months from approval
samapc costs vary concerning the birthmothers situation
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samapc living at home , health insurace,
JasieJoy Do you recommed any particular country for adopting internationally? I've heard it's nearly impossible from Ecuador but easier in others.
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samapc Equador is impossible
samapc International costs are more defined
bheit Why is that?
carolynb jasie joy: at this moment, people are looking at Vietnam, South Korea, and Ethiopia. Adoptions have run into problems lately in Russia, China, and Guatemala
samapc agency fee, paperwork costs
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samapc travel expenses are al defined
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bheit It was stated before that adoption costs range from 15 to 40K. Is that domestic or international or it just depends on the situation?
carolynb As I learned from Sam, one of the best places to learn about which countries are good for adoptive parents is the US State Department website.
samapc Russia is open an available there are however NO accredited agencies at this time but hopefully changing
fortynk I came in late should i start with a home study or find a lawyer
samapc Independent adoptions with the help of angency is happening in russia
luna Chrissy if you would, could you share what your approximate costs were for your domestic adoption of your baby girl?
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samapc china is still open but with strict family rqirements of age, marriage even wieght
samapc Guatamala is basically closed to NEW families right now
samapc Before you answer
JasieJoy What is NEW family defined as?
samapc Costs vary to each situation domesically
samapc Advertising costs, networking costs , where birthfamily lives
carolynb Jasie Joy: A NEW family is a family that is just beginning the adoption process, as opposed to a family that has already taken the steps involved in adopting internationally with the help of an agency or lawyer
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samapc is there medical coverage for the birthmother
samapc and again what state she lives in really affects the costs domestically
JasieJoy so if it's our first international adoption they won't accept us?
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samapc Only in certain situations where medicaid can be used
fortynk where to start with a home study or a laywer
samapc Neithe place is your first step
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carolynb jasie joy: that is true for Guatemala
samapc Gather as much info as you can about the type of child you are looking for
fortynk then can you tell me the first step
samapc In Guatamala to explain
samapc The state dept of the Us believes at this time that there are agreat deal of problems
samapc They are only going to approve families who have already complted most of the paperwork now
samapc they are going to examine every case very carefully
fortynk for international
hope062006 are there countries that we should be aware of that have greater chance of health problems or dangerous to visit
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samapc and only approve squeaky clean adoptions until the process is fixed in Guat
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JasieJoy so they will be fixed?
samapc The first steps is to decide that you definitly want and are ready to adopt
fortynk i really need guidence anyone knows of good web sites to help
samapc Than decide what type of adoption you want to pursue based on YOUR fellings
fortynk i am past that i am more than ready
samapc What type of adoption??????
hoping Do you know if the USCIS is going to extend the time to 18 months that our I171H is good for?
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samapc No they have no plans to extend
hoping there is a big letter writing campaign on behalf of some agencies becuase some wait times are very long right now, didn't know if it was helping.
fortynk domestic adoption
samapc We hope that early next year a new process will be put into place in Guat
JasieJoy ok thanks
samapc Domestic adoption is certainly agood choce
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carolynb fortynk, if you are looking at international adoption, check the US State Dept. website, JCICS websitie, Families for Russian Ukranian Adoption Website, Families with Children From China website, Latin American Parents Association website. Also, a great book for all to read about different types of adoption is A Love Like No Other, Edited by Kruger and Smolowe
samapc Your first step is to begin to tell everyone that yoyu are looking to adopt
fortynk going through that right now
samapc There are approx only 6 attornies in NY strictly doing independent adoption
evaeric When considering open domestic adoption what are pros and cons of working with a lawyer or agency
luna How do you deal with or find support for dealing with family members who are not pro-adoption?
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samapc take ever opportunity to talk to people about their attornies look for recomendations and interview them
hoping Luna, just to give you courage, it may take time, i wish you the best!
samapc they are your gateway to the process
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Corey_Whelan folks, we only have five minutes left tonight.
JasieJoy are there countries that we should be aware of that have greater chance of health problems or dangerous to visit
samapc Every family who works hard on their adoption will be come a family
samapc The state dept puts out constant updates and warninmgs
JasieJoy thanks
fortynk thank you
carolynb jasie joy: you can check adoption pediatricians' websites--there is no perfect country health-wise, but most health problems can be resolved when you bring your child into the US
samapc JCICS.org has the most up to date info on counry problems
samapc Always remember be smart lead with head not your heart
samapc Adoption is a great way to become a family but it is a lifetime commitment
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samapc Even more than a marriage so be ABSOLUTELY sure
hoping thanks
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JasieJoy thanks again for all the answers tonight
samapc To fulfill your dream with the child you really andtruly want not just whtas available
Corey_Whelan Sam and Carolyn, I want to thank you both so much for being here and answering everyone's questions tonight.
carolynb if you persevere, you will adopt--it's as simple as that!
Corey_Whelan And thanks also to all of you for posting your questions and helping to educate us all!
samapc 212 304 8479, samapc@aol.com, adoptiveparents.org
carolynb it has been a pleasure!
Corey_Whelan Good night all. Our chat is officially over
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luna Thank you
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samapc Good Luck
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