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Choosing a Domestic Adoption Agency
January 17, 2006 - Tuesday
8:00 PM to (EST)
Guest Speakers: Donnamarie Jones, LCSW
Choosing a Domestic Adoption Agency
Categories
Adoption •
International Adoption
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| deb_capone | Hi, Donnamarie. Glad to see that your technology has not let you down. |
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| Donnamarie | I'm glad to be here. |
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| deb_capone | Donna, I wil throw out the first question...and it is an easy one. What is domestic adoption and what are the pros and cons versus other kinds of adoption/ |
| deb_capone | Welcome, Karen, DDeborah and Christina! |
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| Donnamarie | Domestic adoption means you are adopting in the United States. Some of the pros include the ability to learn alot about your child's background, the ability to meet your child's birthparents so that you can have that for them as they get older |
| deb_capone | I would like to get back to the topic of meeting birthparents in a few minutes. |
| Donnamarie | My husband and I explored international vs. domestic adoption...for us, a domestic adoption was the right choice...we wanted to be there for our child's birth...it also gave us access to medical info we could not get internationally. |
| deb_capone | Let's focus on the more immediate first steps. Why is it so important and difficult to select an agency. |
| Christina | I have been told that out of state agencies cannot be used in New York unless they have New York State approval.... Is this correct? |
| Donnamarie | The agency is the conduit to your child...you need to find an agency that is licensed in your state or your adoption will not be legal in your state...additionally, you want to feel supported through this process so the right fit is important |
| deb_capone | So that does answer Christina's question. |
| Donnamarie | Christina, An out of state agency must have NY interstate compact approval |
| deb_capone | This is a relatively new requirement isn't it, Donnamarie. |
| Donnamarie | In other words, it must be licensed in the state of NY...Deb, I'm not sure how new it is...I know it was in effect 8 years ago when we adopted from Texas |
| Christina | I am sorry but I am confused a bit. I am under the impression that an agency has to be state certified in the state that you reside in order to use that agency - Is it interstate compact that gives these approvals? |
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| deb_capone | Welcome Kris! |
| Donnamarie | Christina, Yes the Interstate Compact Office (each state has one) certifies an agency (approves it; licenses it) to do adoptions in that particular state |
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| Christina | Okay - that makes sense |
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| Donnamarie | When we started this process we called the NY Interstate Office and got a list of licensed agencies from them...that helped focus my search |
| Christina | What type of questions should you ask an agency that you are considering using? |
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| Donnamarie | Christina, It was helpful for me to create a list of questions and make up a form that acted like an interview...I double checked licensure; you want to know how many children/babies they have placed in a year (with particular focus on the age/ethnicity/race of a baby that you are hoping to adopt |
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| Donnamarie | Christina, I also wanted to know about their wait list, how long the process takes (what's the average wait from application to bringing baby home), their fee structure. Another critical concern is the time period between the birth of a child and when a birthmother's maternal rights can be terminated. |
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| Christina | What is the difference between Agency VS Private Domestic Adoption? |
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| Lori | Hello! I'm disappointed that I got here late. Is there a way to see previos text so I don't repeat a question? |
| Donnamarie | Christina, In a private adoption you generally work with an attorney to get certified (approved to adopt)...you then must research (usually with guidance from your attorney) how to advertise that you are hoping to adopt - through networking (letting friends, family, etc know of your wish) or through advertising in various papers (using an 800 #)...With an agency, you are letting them make the initial contacts with birthmothers...they then link birthmothers with prospective adoptive parents...most agencies use try to match birthparents and adoptive parents along values/needs that both have shared. |
| Christina | I wonder sometimes about that - what happens if the contact in the agency makes a bad impression on a birth mother - what happens if values and needs are not shared accurateky - can this be a passed oppurtunity for someone?? |
| Donnamarie | Lori, Welcome, we've just gotten started and have only really discussed interstate compact issues at present and are just getting into how to choose |
| deb_capone | you can review Aaron Britvan's session on private adoption from December of 2005. The transcripts are available on www.theafa.org/connections/chat |
| Lori | Thanks Donnamarie. My question is in all honesty, what are the chances of a 40 year old single female adopting a healthy infant or young child domestically? |
| Donnamarie | Christina, In general, the workers who I have spoken with at various agencies have been very engaging and seem to know how to connect with people...you can't control for all variables. I do think it's important that the adoptive parents communicate clearly re: what their hopes are...When we were pursuing an adoption Rog and I talked about what was essential (re: birth parent health/mental health issues), about what age we wanted, ethnicity, etc. |
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| Lori | what's rog? sorry for my cluelessness on this? |
| deb_capone | It seems that we lost Donnamarie for a second....I am sure she will be right back |
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| Christina | I agree with you Donnamarie that it is important to convey what you are looking for when choosingt an agency to work with. |
| Donnamarie | Lori, In researching agencies I would first make sure that they work with singles and then find out what their track record is ...have they placed children to single adoptive mothers, etc. |
| Lori | Okay, so knowing that info. is there really a chance? My choices are to pursue IVF one more time, or seek international adoption....unfortunately I don't have the financial resources for both. |
| Dawn | Are there agencies for domestic adoption that specialize in placing infants with a mixed couple... I'm caucasian and my husband is Asian Indian. Of course it would be ideal to find a child that has that same mixture. |
| Donnamarie | Lori, I was given a saying at the beginning of our process to start a family...adoption is not easy and it can be as much a roller-coaster as infertility tx. at times but if you stick with the process you will be successful. For me, given the infertility problems I had, that was a God-send |
| Donnamarie | Dawn, Once I got a list of licensed agencies from the Interstate Compact Office I would call agencies and ask them about children with a caucasian/asian mixture. As for being a mixed couple I can't imagine any agency having an issue with that |
| Lori | I appreciate that saying and advice. I am a bit frustrated with infertility problems but am concerned with the emotional ride of adoption as well, based mainly on my circumstances (age and martial status) |
| Dawn | sorry if this is a repeat question as I joined late, but what is the Interstate Compact Office? Where do I find that? |
| Donnamarie | Lori, How well I remember...my husband and I had just come off 2 failed egg donor cycles (for which we had traveled to California). I felt pretty raw...that's why it's so important to call up and interview agencies (or get the chance to meet the workers directly via conferences)...a big part of why my husband and I chose Adoption Alliance in Texas is because of how holding Debra Vinson was. |
| Christina | The thing that is frightening sometimes that as soon as you are matched with a Birth Mother you start paying living expenses - and you can be into a situation for thousands and thousands of dollars and then she changes her mind - That hurts! |
| Lori | Donnamarie, where would you suggest I start to find an agency or check their statistics. I am new to this and have a few agencies friends have suggested but I'm looking to get more educated before I start the process. |
| Donnamarie | Christina, Many agencies will help you determine a range of expense that's realistic and then match based on that issue. In addition, certain expenses are legal (rent, maternity clothing, health if no insurance) and other expenses are not. A good agency will guide you. And yes it is scary...it helped to keep in mind that birth parents are frightened too and the vast majority are truly trying to do the right thing for their child. |
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| Donnamarie | Dawn and Lori, Call the NYS Interstate Compact Office in Albany NY (assuming you live in NY) The number I have is 518-473-1591 - this may be an old number so call information if it doesn't pan out. |
| Lori | problem here...I live in OHIO! |
| Christina | I guess that goes back to having a good agency evaluation each and every situation and not throwing caution to the wind. i know that the deciding factor is always the day of the birth and a birth parent can change their mind - but if they take $10,000.00 of the expenses with them - it hurts even more. |
| Dawn | any advice on trying to work with multiple agencies at the same time? pros/cons/watchouts? |
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| karen | Do you have any suggestions as to where I might start, living in New Jersey |
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| Christina | Thank You for your help |
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| Donnamarie | Karen, Use the NY Interstate compact office state capital |
| Donnamarie | Dawn, It can be expensive and you should let them know |
| deb_capone | Donnamarie, can you discuss the costs associated with domestic adoption-a ballpark figure would be helpful-even just the agency fees. |
| Lori | Any luck for a contact in ohio |
| Donnamarie | Christina, Agencies usually will waive their fee if an adoption fails...they may have other safeguards in place as well.. |
| Lori | I have also heard that sometimes adopting through a foster care program is easier, quicker and less expensive that using an agency, any advice on that? |
| Dawn | has this month's connections newsletter already been sent out to members? when will it be sent? |
| Donnamarie | Deb, I would say agency fees are running about $10,000 (this is a ball park) Usually the fee is devided in threes - you pay one third when you apply, one third when you accept a referral and the last third when you go home with your baby. Birthmother expenses range - having a birthmother with medical insurance is very herlpful |
| deb_capone | Dawn, this month's connections is going out tomorrow.... |
| deb_capone | I am giving you all the 'five minute' warning. One of the ways we get guest of Donnamarie's calibre is to respect their time. Let's take one more question and then I am would ask Donnamarie to give us some closing remarks. |
| Dawn | any good resource you can point us to with the things we should be asking agencies before choosing them? |
| Donnamarie | Lori, Foster care programs are another route to a child...you can always contact a social worker to discuss this...ask about ages, and what supports are needs |
| Donnamarie | Dawn, I would read books and use AFA and the internet In NY there's the Adoptive Parents Comm as well |
| deb_capone | Don't forget to join us next week when author Gail Harris will be discussing how to make the choices that are right for you. Cathy Danowski, LCSW from New Beginnings Children and Family Services will be with us on Feb. 21 to discuss international adoption. |
| Donnamarie | Rog and I got our questionanaire template by using several books as resources |
| Lori | Thanks for all of your help! |
| Dawn | Thanks for your time and answers!! |
| Donnamarie | Thank you for the opportunity to talk with you!! |
| deb_capone | If you are in the NY metro area, come to the AFA's "Family Matters" conference on May 7th, at the Grand Hyatt Hotel. We have expanded our adoption tracks! |
| Donnamarie | Another great way to find out more about agencies! |
| deb_capone | Thank you all for joining us...and special thanks to you, Donnamarie. Can our participants contact you if they have any questions? |
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| karen | thanks for your help |
| Donnamarie | Yes, they can email me at dmgj@optonline.net |
| deb_capone | That is very generous of you, Donnamarie. I thank you again. |
| deb_capone | Good night to everyone. |
| Donnamarie | If you email me, put that it's about adoption in the subject line so I know it's ok oto open |
| Donnamarie | Good night |
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