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How to Adopt Domestically

August 14, 2007 - Tuesday
5:30 PM to (EST)
Guest Speakers: Suzanne Nichols, Esq.

Categories
Adoption


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asc I'm not quite sure how these work... it's my first chat.
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Moderator_DBecker Welcome everyone - we will be starting in just a few more minutes.
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Moderator_DBecker OK Everyone, welcome to tonight's chat with Suzanne Nichols, Esq., an attorney - the topic is How To Adopt Nationally.
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Moderator_DBecker hi bnb and MJ welcome to tonights chat
Moderator_DBecker The AFA is pleased to welcome Ms. Nichols and she now has the "stage"
bnb hi. this is my first step ever into adoption. rank beginner.
Moderator_DBecker bnb you are doing great - everyone has to make the first step and knowledge is power!!!!!
bnb thanks. so, what are some beginning steps to pursue to find out if national adoption is a good choice for us? can we begin if we're still pursuing fertility treatment?
Moderator_DBecker Great Question
asc Can Ms. Nichols also address sometime tonight the pros/cons of open vs. closed adoption?
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Moderator_DBecker Once things starting hoping if you ask a question and you don't see a response be patient and ask again it is hard for anyone to type and read at the same time
Moderator_DBecker woodigit welcome to tonight's AFA chat with attorney Suzanne Nichols
Wendy I have been very blessed with a son via IVF, however, because of complications with my pregnancy and delivery, my DH and I are considering adoption. Because we have a DS of our own, will it be more difficult for us?
Moderator_DBecker For newbies a DH is a Darling Husband and i presume a DS is a Darling Son
Wendy Are closed adoptions still availabe? If so, would you please provide organization that specialize in them? What are the typical cost for a domestic adoption? What is the typical wait time for a newborn (0 - 6 months)?
asc I have the same questions as Wendy, in addition, can you recommend books/websites that are good resources to begin the research on adoption?
augustjs Curious about some stats if you know - how many children are placed for domestic adoption a year and how many prospective parents are "waiting"?
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Moderator_DBecker Suzanne is having some technical difficulties
MJ asc - from what I've read so far, Adoption for Dummies is considered a good book. Believe it not. I bought it and have to agree. By the way, these are great questions. Thanks for asking.
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Moderator_DBecker We are trying to fix the problem - hang on everyone
asc Thanks, MJ. I've been in denial about starting the process... I love the dummy series in other areas...
MJ You are speaking to people who are very good at waiting grin.
augustjs ::laugh
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RF I'm not sure I'm connected - nothing on the screen.
Moderator_DBecker I am waliking Ms. Nichols through the problem - her computer is frozen
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Wendy What organization are recommended for adoption based on placement, service, etc?
Moderator_DBecker RF we are off to a rocky start but we hope to get up and running soon
RF OK - another glitch on the road of technology.
Moderator_DBecker I am not an adoption expert but I am an Attorney and have been down the IVF path a few times
Moderator_DBecker LOL
RF I've been down the IVF path for over 4 years and I'm getting poorer by the minute.
Moderator_DBecker I am also on the Board of Directors to the American Fertility Association (AFA) - I hope all of you are members - it's free with the "no barrier" program
Moderator_DBecker RF I hear that and second it
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asc RF- me too... hopefully a happy ending will be in store for us, one way or another.
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Wendy I am a member of AFA and really appreciate these type of chat sessions
Moderator_DBecker Now that Suzanne has left hopefully we can get her to get back on and be able to type answers to your important questions
RF I was going to adopt when I first began this journey but an adoption attorney of discouraged me. I learned about IVF and the rest is history. Over 4 years later I'm at square one.
Moderator_DBecker RF unfortunetly it is not an uncommon story
Wendy RF, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. So, far we have not involved an attorny. Should we?
RF I probably would have had a baby by now if I followed the adoption route.
MJ RF - what's done is done. We probably all have regrets but the good news here is we're looking for answers and whether you have a baby naturally or through adoption, the end result is the same - you have a family.
Wendy RF, were you with the same REI for all 4 years?
asc When Suzanne tackles the open vs. closed adoption issue- can she please address the birth mother rights in open adoption... is it on a case by case basis, or are there more standard rights they have across the board?
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RF It wasn't exactly me with the REI. I am in my 50's and single. I never had a fertility problem but just woke up after my clock had finished ticking.
Moderator_DBecker Welcome Sue to tonight's AFA chat with Suzanne Nichols an attorney who is going to discuss "How to Adopt Nationally" - once we solve some technical issues
carolynb Suzanne Nichols is having technical difficulties, and while she tries to get on I will be glad to answer adoption questions. I'm Carolyn Berger, AFA Adoption Coordinator
Moderator_DBecker Carolyn I was wondering if that was you - everyone you are in great hands
carolynb Thank you, Dan! It's great being here!
asc Carolyn can you start by answering the questions we've asked? I don't know if you have access to the beginning of the chat.
carolynb Would you mind repeating your question?
Moderator_DBecker You should repeat your questions and go slow
asc A couple of us were wondering about closed vs open adoption, and can we start adoption while still undergoing IVF?
carolynb Yes, you can begin the adoption process while undergoing IVF--although it will be challenging. In U.S. adoptions, at this point there are really no closed adoptions. There is a degree of openness in all of them.
Moderator_DBecker And from most professionals perspectives openness is a best policy
asc It just seems like you are sharing the child, that makes me nervous. Are the rights of the birth mother standard, or determined on a case by case basis?
MJ Dan - Why is an open adoption preferred?
carolynb Some degree of openness has proven to be good for everyone involved.
Sue what recommendations do you have regarding advertising?
carolynb arc, you really arent sharing the child. The adoptive parents are the parents, and birthmother and birthfather may become like extended family.
Moderator_DBecker MJ I think the general concensious is that everyone should understand each others perspectives - secretness leads to complications
carolynb you work out an arrangement with the birth parents that allows the child to know where he/she came from. Some adoptions are more open than others.
Moderator_DBecker Sometimes you have to get used to some of these ideas
carolynb We often fear that birthparents will come back and want the child returned to them. Newspaper headlines feed this fear.
augustjs Curious about some stats if you know - how many babies are placed for domestic adoption a year and how many prospective parents are waiting?
carolynb In some states, contracts are created for all parties in an adoption.
RF I was told that being single and in my 50's - the odds of my adopting a newborn baby domestically are nil. Is that true?
carolynb augustjs, that is an excellent question. I believe that in 14,000 children were adopted domestically the last time figures were available.
jlf What is the diffference between state adoption and domestic adoption?
carolynb RF, being single and in your 50s doesn't mean you can't adopt a newborn domestically. You would want to do an Independent adoption, and find a birthmother who wants to place a child with you. It can be done!
asc What is the best place to start- websites, lawyer, books? Are some agencies more reputable than others? Are adoption agencies local or national?
RF Do the newspaper ads really work?
Sue carolyn, do you have any suggestions and/or tips for wording an advertisement ad?
carolynb jif, the two types of adoption most practiced in the U.S. are domestic--either Independent or through an agency. Also, some babies and children are available through state welfare agencies.
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Moderator_DBecker Joanne and VJP welcome to tonight's AFA Chat on "How to Adopt Nationally"
carolynb asc, the book Adoption for Dummies is a great way to begin. Read Adoptive Families Magazine and visit their website. That's a good start.
carolynb RF, yes newspaper ads work! Many, many people find a birthmother this way.
Moderator_DBecker Carolynb the AFA adoption coordiator is holding the forte while our guest Suzane Nichols, Esq. fixes a technicle problem
carolynb Sue, when you either retain an adoption attorney or sign up with an adoption agency, they will guide you in writing and placing your ads.
augustjs Can you explain pros/cons of agency vs. independent?
MJ My friend who lives in NY adopted a baby in NJ. The baby was born and placed very quickly and they didn't have all their papers in place. She ended up having to stay in NJ for a month until the interstate paperwork was finalized. Obviously, it's a blessing to get a baby that fast, but does this happen often? Are some states better with the interstate adoption paperwork?
carolynb Suzanne Nichols has been unable to re-boot her computer. She will join us at a future Online Session. She sends her apologies.
Wendy What organization are recommended for adoption based on placement, service, etc? Because we have a DS of our own, will it be more difficult for us?
carolynb Independent can be more flexible--you just have to find a birth mother who wants you to parent her child. Agencies have more requirements which you may or may not meet (i.e. age).
asc How much does an average adoption cost, and how long a wait for a newborn?
Wendy What is the "typical" cost of a domestic adoption? What is the typical waiting period for a newborn (0-6 mths)?
carolynb MJ: This is an unusual occurrence. You generally have to be pre-certified before you take steps to adopt.
Moderator_DBecker It's a good thing we have Carolyn Berger with us tonight - we are all in good hands
carolynb It's a good idea to join an adoptive parents group to get agency recommendations. Also, you can check an agency through the Better Business Bureau.
asc yes, thanks Carolyn for stepping in. i'm desperate for info.
RF This may be an inappropriate question but MJ - why didn't your friend just drive home with the baby and go back for paperwork as needed. Who questions someone driving from NJ to NY about their car passengers?
carolynb An adoption can cost anywhere from $8,000 to 30,000 depending on factors like how much advertising you do and whether the birth mother has insurance to cover hosptial costs.
augustjs If I work with an agency, is it also recommended to retain an attorney? Is it necessary?
carolynb RF, there's something called the Interstate Compact that has to be complied with. If you don't do it right you can have trouble finalizing your adoption.
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jlf My greatest fear of an independant adoption is that the birthmother will change her mind once the baby is born; not want to give up the baby.
carolynb augustjs: the agency you work with will have an attorney.
RF Oh, I know. I guess they question whether you left the State with the baby in court?
Moderator_DBecker Hi Platypus welcome to tonight's AFA chat with Carolyn Berger - Adoption Coordinator of the AFA
asc I have jlf's fear too... after all so many of us have been through with IVF- more let downs are not welcome...
RF I know birth mothers do change their minds. I don't know how often that happens percentage wise.
carolynb jif: It happens. This is a risk you take. Birthmothers can change their minds before or after the birth and in each state they have a certain number of days after the baby has gone home with the adoptive parents during which they may change their minds.
asc How long does it take to adopt a newborn?
carolynb RF, we don't know how many birth mothers change their minds during or right after their pregnancy. But less then one percent change their minds after the baby goes home according to experts.
Wendy My apologies, for sound like a broken record, how long is the typical wait for a 0-6 month old? Does having a child already impact the placement of a newborn?
RF That's good because that has to be a devastating event. I've always felt that a birth mother should not be able to change her mind after the baby goes home. She should have good counseling beforehand.
carolynb asc, it depends on how quickly you find a birth mother and how far along in her pregnancy she is. It could take 2 months or it could take 2 years. Most experts say you should continue advertising until you have a baby in your arms even if you are working with a birthmother.
platypus3 I can't seem to get a straight answer out of anyone concerning cost. Is international or domestic adoption cheaper? It sounds terrible to discuss money and a child in the same sentence but we don't have a ton of money.
carolynb RF: Counseling is a good idea for a birth mother and for adoptive parents.
RF I believe domestic is probably cheaper at this time. International, from what I've gathered, runs around $35,000. I've heard that Vietnam is the cheapest at @ $15,000. Just throwing that out.
carolynb platypus3, independent adoption can cost anywhere between $8,000 and $30,000. International starts at a higher figure, possibly 21,000 to 25,000.
platypus3 thank you for the info
asc I'm not sure I understand the difference between independent and agency adoption.
carolynb dan, going back to earlier questions about birthmothers changing their minds, our last Connections has an article on "Conquering Birthmother Fear." How can participants tonight get access to that article?
Moderator_DBecker Carolyn all participants should join AFA through the "No Barrier" program and then they can access past issues of articles on line
carolynb asc, in independent adoption you hire an adoption attorney, place ads, and speak to birthmothers. In agency adoption, you MAY have someone who can screen birthmothers answering your ads or the agency may show your profiles to a birthmother who has approached them.
Wendy Does AFA offer adoption services?
carolynb dan, the article is in the current connections.
RF I understand the pregnancy rate for teen-agers is dropping. I believe girls are also opting to keep their babies - it's no longer as much of a stigma as it once was. Does this mean less babies available for adoption?
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carolynb No, we help people learn about the adoption process.
asc Which is generally faster and cheaper- independent or agency?
carolynb RF, yes there are fewer babies, but it is still a great option.
jlf I had heard agencies will find babies and children through their state's welfare adoption services...Is this true?
RF Just today I was talking with someone who works in foster care. If you want a teen-ager you can get one in about one minute. Even biological parents are willing to give them up for a few years - at least.
carolynb asc, independent adoption can be faster if you advertise aggressively. It can be relatively inexpensive ($8,000 if birthmother has insurance and you don't have to advertise a lot). But an independent adoption can be more expensive if she doesn't have insurance and you need to advertise a lot. Hard to say which way is more expensive. So many factors come in to play.
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platypus3 is it legal for agencies to discriminate against religion? there are a lot of christian adoptive agencies where i live...but i'm not christian. has anyone else experienced this?
carolynb jif, I'm not aware that is true. You can adopt directly from a state's welfare office. These children tend to be older.
carolynb platypus3: I wouldn't go to an agency that advertises that they are Christian if I weren't Christian. There are lots of agencies out there. You just need one good one!
asc I have noticed that platypus. while I am christian, I can't promise a birth mother or agency that I'll take the child to church every Sunday
carolynb I see it's after 9 pm. We are going to need to end now. It has been a real pleasure talking with you all.
MJ Thank you!
jlf thank you
Moderator_DBecker I see it is past 9:00 PM so lets thank Carolyn for her time and expertise
asc thank you
Wendy Thank you.
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carolynb It was a pleasure! Good luck to you all!
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vjp Thank you
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Moderator_DBecker Good nite everyone
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