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Independent Adoption: The Legal Nuts & Bolts / The Emotional Journey

February 10, 2005 - Thursday
2:17 PM to 3:17 PM (EST)
Guest Speakers: Aaron Britvan, Esq, Board Member of The American Fertility Association and Carolyn Berger, LMCSW, Adoption Coordinator, Board Member and Past Chair of The American Fertility Association

Categories
Adoption • International Adoption


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Nola Hello all, I'm new here
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aaron_britvan Type hereaaron britvan is standing by
merlin Good evening. What is the first step in an independent adoption? Are there any programs in New Jersey that offer financial assistance? I am interested in adopting a biracial or African American infant.
hgeissel I am new to the adoption process. I am looking for a v. good adoption agency for international adoption. Do you have any recommendations?
aaron_britvan based upon the child that you are seeking, it may be through going with social services in the county in which you reside. Independent adoption may not be what you are looking for.
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merlin Thank you.
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aaron_britvan hgeissel: You should be looking for an agency that works with the country from which you are seeking to adopt. There is no particuliar agency tht we could recommend without that info. As a bit of side info. Russia has presently closed down its' international adoption.
yvonne_ In your experience, is there any "type" of easy adoption? domestic or intl? certain countries?
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carolyn_berger__msw Type here Yvonne, all types of adoptions have their pros and cons. The process tends to be challenging --but of course rewarding!
yvonne_ Thank you, yes new challenges, after many years of waiting with fertitilty treatments...::smile
aaron_britvan yvonne: Easy , is unfortunately a relative term. It is important that you look into each form of adoption - be it independent, domestic or agency domestic, or international. With some efort, and making the decision that you feel is best for you- you should succeed. good luck!
carolyn_berger__msw Yvonne, unlike w/infertility treatments your hard work almost always pays off with adoption. The take home baby rate is very high!
merlin Is there a cut off age for domestic adoption?
NYIrish2 Hello, My name is Jen and my husband Dan and I are considering adoption. I apologize for being late entering into the chat. Is there a particular protocol we should follow?
carolyn_berger__msw aaron, I've got a question for you. Are their any traits that make one a good candidate for independent adoption?
aaron_britvan Merlin: no, there is no cut off age.
merlin Thank you.
carolyn_berger__msw Hi, Jen and Dan. You are doing what you need to do. Ask questions and aaron britvan, esq. and I will try to answer them (I'm a social worker).
aaron_britvan NYIrish: Just feel free to ask any questions that is on your mind.
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carolyn_berger__msw Hi, Geo. We are talking about independent adoption from a legal and emotional perspective.
aaron_britvan Carolyn: one who is looking to have more control over the process of adoption will find independent adoption falls into that catagory.
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carolyn_berger__msw Hi, eolinger. Welcome to our forum on independent adoption!
NYIrish2 Thanks! We are currerntly pursuing a possible independent open adoption with a potential birthmother we met through friends. She has is 20 weeks along and has not made a concrete decision yet. When would be an appropriate time for us to meet with an attorney provided the birthmother continues to want to have us adopt her child?
carolyn_berger__msw aaron, how would one find the legal statutes for independent adoption within a particular state?
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carolyn_berger__msw aaron, shouldn't NY Irish see an attorney about a possible situation sooner rather than later?
aaron_britvan NYIrish: In contemplating the possibility of the situation coming to fruition, you should be aware that before one may take custody of a child through adoption, they must be certified by the court. The certification process would warrent that you seek the services of an attorney in the very near future. The process can take up to three months to complete.
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klweind Hello?
carolyn_berger__msw Hi klweind! We are talking about independent adoption from a legal and emotional perspective. aaron britvan is a well-known independent adoption attorney with lots of info to share.
klweind Not sure how this works?
NYIrish2 I have spoken with a local adoption attorney on the phone and have met the birthmom in person. We are all in agreement that we would be willing to meet in the attorney's office but I didn't want the birthmom to feel any pressure from us until she knew what she wanted to do. I live in Florida so it is my understanding that she has up to 48 hours after the baby is born to sign the consent form. I just don't want her to feel any pressure from us and want her to do what's best for her and the 2 children she already has.
eolinger Type hereHi! We are just beginning to persue this option. We have wondered about the health side of the brith mother . Once she picks our profile through the attorney, and we want to persue the adoption , can we request an amniocentsis? Also, How can we legally , keep our costs in check? Our friends just adopted and although their attorney had a flat fee, the birth mom's attorney was hourly and now the estimated cost has gone from appx. 1500 to 4700 plus?
aaron_britvan Carolyn: with regarding the legal statues the best advice that I can give is to speak to an attorney located in the state that you are interested in. If the concern is to find a state that has the best laws, there are too many variables from state to state. There are many states that are more liberal than others, but when it comes to protecting the rights of all parties to the adoption triad, I truely favor my home state of NY. New York laws seek to recreate permenancy of the placement at the earliest possible date and the rights of a birth parent to revoke the consent in New York is very limited.
carolyn_berger__msw NYIrish, I think you can follow the legal process while taking care not to put undue pressure on the birthmom.
carolyn_berger__msw NYIrish, I might add that not only the birthmom, but you as well have the right to change your mind up to a certain point.
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NYIrish2 Carolyn, Thank you. I will definitely speak with the attorney and see where that takes us.
carolyn_berger__msw NYIrish, seeing an attorney may help both you and the birthmom move along in their thinking. Also, you have the right to work with more than one birthmom at a time until you have a baby in your arms.
NYIrish2 Carolyn: I'm afraid I her changing her mind, of course, just like most potential adoptive moms, but it is s risk I am willing a ready to take. I am also aware that I can change my mind too if a situation arises... I can't actually imagine one that would change my mind, but I am aware of the option. Thank you for your help. I really appreicate. I can't wait to have a baby in my arms.
carolyn_berger__msw NYIrish, I think you will feel that all your hard work was worth it when that day arrives!These children who come to us through adoption are such gifts!
aaron_britvan eolinger: Your attorney is the one to be looking out for your interests financially and otherwise. You may request whatever tests of the birth mother as are reasonable.You certainly should obtain the medical reports from the treating OB. HIV results, drug testing and the like.So far as costs are concerned, there should be written retainers issued by each attorney and there again, your attorney should be mindful in protecting your interests.Adoption costs should not be like a run-away-train. In many cases costs must be approved by the court.
carolyn_berger__msw Aaron, I know everyone who enters into the world adoption wants to succeed. Do you have some advice as to how they can make it happen?
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aaron_britvan Carolyn: If everyone that applies themselves to the process, they should succeed without excessive costs and within a reasonable period of time.
Jen_Dan Carolyn: Sorry, This is Jen (NYIrish2) I got kicked out by accident and had to sign back in again. Did you get my last entry about the grandmother and closed adoption?
carolyn_berger__msw No, would you please repeat it?
eolinger THis may be off the subject, but does anyonehave advice or know of any books on 1) How to prepare your home/extended family emotionally for an adoption and 2) How to ease the shock of lifestyle change i.e. going from a couple to a sudden "family" --at least when someone is pregnant, they know when the baby's coming?
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carolyn_berger__msw eolinger, a good book to read is Patricia Irwin Johnston's Adoption After Infertility. You can also look at Adoptive Families Magazine.
Jen_Dan The birthmom's mom is opposed to an open adoption and really wants her daughter to do a closed adoption. Tiffany, the birthmom, really wants to do an open adoption but is concerned about her mother's feelings. This is Tiffan'y 3rd child and her mom's concern is that Tiffany will have difficulty not parenting the child but still being a part of the child's life through the open adoption relationship. As a SW have you seen this issue arise frequently?
carolyn_berger__msw Welcome, elle7. aaron britvan, esq. and I are answering questions about the legal and emotional aspects of independent adoption. We are professionals and adoptive parents.
carolyn_berger__msw jan/dan: This is a very common dilemma. It really sounds like counseling would be a good idea for Tiffany. She needs to be clearer on what she wants as opposed to what her mother wants. Generally when you are working with a birthmom you can cover the cost of counseling, and it can make for a better outcome when the birthmom is clear about her own feelings.
eolinger Thanks, This is so overwhelming. I'm currently receiving accupuncture for thin lining and am still hopeful, but we are so ready to start our family now and look forward to it w/ excitement and apprehension. How much and how long should the home study take in Georgia. and does the attorney set that up w/ a social worker or do you have to do it yourself and find your own social worker?
Jen_Dan Thank you, I will definitely follow up on all of the advice you've given to us.
carolyn_berger__msw Jan/Dan: Good luck to you!
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Jen_Dan Thank you so much! I will definitely let you know what happens. Her due date is July 5th so we have a few more months to go. Thanks again!
aaron_britvan eolinger: It is advisable to find an attorney well versed in the adoption process. The attorney should be able to help you with the social worker and all aspects of the process.
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carolyn_berger__msw Hello, vinrich! Aaron Britvan, Esq. and I are answering questions about the legal and emotional aspects of independent adoption. We are both adoption professionals and adoptive parents.
vinrich I am currently seeing a fertility regarding IVF.
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carolyn_berger__msw Dear All: We will be ending in 5 minutes. I want to thank everyone for coming and let you know that if you have any more questions you can go to the AFA Adoption Message Board.
elle7 thanks
Jen_Dan Thank you for taking the time to help us!
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carolyn_berger__msw It has been our pleasure. Good luck to each of you.
eolinger Thank you for the advice . This is so good to know there are others going through the same things
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carolyn_berger__msw eolinger: There are many, many people before you who have succeeded at independent adoption. Joining an adoptive parents group can be a good idea.
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