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Is an Ethnic Donor Right for You?

May 6, 2008 - Tuesday
8:00 PM to 9:00 PM (EST)
Guest Speakers: Amy Demma, JD, Prospective Families Agency

Categories


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[Tue May 06 16:50:51 PDT 2008] amydemmaGood Evening, I realize that I am here early but am excited about our chat and look forward to our 8:00 start!
[Tue May 06 16:51:44 PDT 2008] DuffieHi Amy, its me!! We just spoke on the phone a few minutes ago and I thought I would log on early
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[Tue May 06 16:52:16 PDT 2008] Daddy_Frank Hi !
[Tue May 06 16:53:00 PDT 2008] Daddy_Frankmy partner and i are looking for a greek and italian donor---am i in the right place?
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[Tue May 06 16:54:13 PDT 2008] amydemmaFrank and Duffie, we will strart the chat at 8:00, but yes, Frank we will be speaking about ethnicity in donor selection, this evening. Hang in there for just a few more minutes.
[Tue May 06 16:54:56 PDT 2008] Corey_WhelanHi everyone. Welcome to tonight's chat. I'm Corey Whelan, the AFA's chat moderator. I see that our guest speaker, Amy Demma, is here and ready! Welcome Amy and also our early birds. We can actually get started at any time, no need to wait.
[Tue May 06 16:55:26 PDT 2008] Corey_WhelanAmy, the chat topic was your suggestion jj- can you tell us a little bit about this topic and its' importance?
[Tue May 06 16:56:59 PDT 2008] amydemmaSure, recently I was contacted by the Chicago Tribune to discuss the complexities and challenges for Intended Parents searching for a donor w.in a specifice ethnic group. I am here tonight to share strategies, realities and options for those whose donor search is narrow and specific.
[Tue May 06 16:57:55 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelanthat's very interesting. Daddy F, Duffie, please feel free to jump in at any time.
[Tue May 06 16:58:29 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankWe are hoping for greek and italian, are these considered difficult ethnicities? Does it make sense to consider others as well if we dont find these?
[Tue May 06 16:58:45 PDT 2008] amydemmaOften, clients who are searching for a specific ethnicity become frustrated as higly sought after donors are typically matched very quickly and sometimes can ask for compensations above ASRM Guidelines.
[Tue May 06 17:00:22 PDT 2008] amydemmaFrank, In my experience, Italian donors are easier to identify than Greek donors and so many of my clients will search for donors with a mediterranean background...for those clients, often it is about physicality rather than cultural which is a topic that I discuss at length with clients...why are you prioritizing a particular ethnicity?
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[Tue May 06 17:02:42 PDT 2008] amydemmaIf your goal is a donor who shares physicality similar to your family and searching for a particular ethnic donor will elongate your search, it may be easier to broaden to those ethnicities that share similar physicalities. Often, Asian intended parents have to go outside of their particular famly background if they are hoping to cycle sooner. For those clients with relegious criterion, it is a bit more challenging
[Tue May 06 17:03:09 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelanwelcome Frances, please feel free to jump in at any time with your questions for Amy Demma
[Tue May 06 17:04:36 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankThat's a good question. I am not sure why I am thinking about ethnicity as criteria, except i am not sure what my focus should be ?
[Tue May 06 17:04:49 PDT 2008] amydemmaOne particular strategy successfully used by a couple was to advertise in a local paper w. in a community populated by a particular ethnicity. The couple then brough the donor to the agency, the agency fee was reduced b/c the coupld had found their own donor, anonumity was preserved and the cycle progressed successfully
[Tue May 06 17:06:25 PDT 2008] amydemmaFrank, mental health professionals often tell me that a donor who shares a similar life path to the recipients is very important and for many couples that may be ethnic related....the couple and the donor have similar experiences with rituals and traditions...for other couples, ethnicity is of much lower priority.
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[Tue May 06 17:08:17 PDT 2008] DuffieAmy, do you think that some ethnic donors are more difficult to find just due to thier cultures (ie Indian donors)
[Tue May 06 17:08:42 PDT 2008] amydemmaWhat a good agency will focus on is bringing to it's clients donors who first are clinically appropriate for the process with a high likelihood of bringing you to success, what the couple should focus on is identifying what traits and characteristics makes sense to them....it should be a partnership w. the agency and the Intended Parents when donor selecting and a strategy around identifying a particular ethnic donor should be a part of the service the agency offers
[Tue May 06 17:08:50 PDT 2008] Corey_WhelanSpeaking of Indian donors, Amy, do you recommend that folks go overseas for donors?
[Tue May 06 17:09:56 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankThanks, Amy---that seems appropriate and makes much sense. I would guess its a blanacing act, though, to get the ethnicity you want--for the reasons you state---while also dealing in what seems to be a very competitive environment to actually finding and working with a donor.
[Tue May 06 17:09:59 PDT 2008] amydemmaYes, Indian donors are very difficult to identify, however, they are out there and you should not give up. If, for relegious, cultural or social reasons you must identify a specific ethnic donor....please know that you can and will find your donor!!!
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[Tue May 06 17:11:50 PDT 2008] Corey_WhelanHi kidake, welcome
[Tue May 06 17:12:07 PDT 2008] kidake Hi
[Tue May 06 17:12:09 PDT 2008] amydemmaI have much concern about donors outside of the US, I feel much less confident when a donor is not screened by American Standards, if a donor is identified abroad, there should be much due diligence by a third-party to access past medical records, past cycle records (if she has donated before) and there should be a close partnership with the RE or clinic to srot through all of the documentation to be sure that the donor meets ASRM and FDA standards
[Tue May 06 17:12:44 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelanmakes sense to me
[Tue May 06 17:12:50 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankI was specifically told not to think about overseas; it was mentioned that there are minimal standards.
[Tue May 06 17:13:19 PDT 2008] kidakeIs there any reason an ethnic donor wouldn't be right for someone?
[Tue May 06 17:14:08 PDT 2008] amydemmaI am worried too about American donors going overseas to donate. I have heard wonderful stories about donors who have donated in Australia and horror stories from donors who have donated just about anywhere else outside of the US.....don't do it!! There are many ways you can finance a domestic cycle and other ways you can find your ethnic donor!
[Tue May 06 17:16:22 PDT 2008] amydemmaI could not imagine why a particular ethnicity would be inappropriate...perhaps if the family already has children, they may want to stick with a donor who matches the family background but we know of so many wonderful stories from the adoption arena with families who have been blessed with blending ethinicities. I cannot think of a reason from a legal or clinical standpoint to validate your concern...there may be specific reasons w/ in a family or perhaps even genetic reasons but that would be family specific.
[Tue May 06 17:17:55 PDT 2008] amydemmaW/in certain ethnic groups there are particular genetic concerns and if, for instance the Intended Father or sperm donor is a carrier of a genetic trait that is consistent with that ethnicity, the Intended Parent may want to avoid that ethnicity in a donor
[Tue May 06 17:18:19 PDT 2008] Corey_WhelanAmy, what are the waits like for various donor groups?
[Tue May 06 17:18:38 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankAmy, in your experience, if one has difficulty finding the ethnicity they hope for, what do you suggest they do? How do they go forward?
[Tue May 06 17:20:11 PDT 2008] amydemmaRemember, too, that the Mental Health professionals encourage full disclosur about donor conception and so, for many telling a story about the donor that includes a rich ethnic history may be very appealing. I always encourage clients to engage, even anonymously through e-mail dialogue with donors about her family background including traditions, holiday meals, rituals...it makes for a lovely story to tell the child
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[Tue May 06 17:22:06 PDT 2008] amydemmaCorey, Asian and Indian couples seem to have the longest wait, sometimes up to a year. African American or Latino IPs have it a bit easier, ethnicities that have a lower cultural threshold or tolerance for collaborative reproduction tend to have more young women willing to donate. Frank, you should be able to find your greek or Italian donors w/in several weeks
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[Tue May 06 17:22:52 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankThat's great news !!
[Tue May 06 17:23:55 PDT 2008] amydemmaThere are specialty agencies that work w./in certain ethnic communities. Just because they advertise that they are an Asian Agency for example does not necessarily mean that you should work with them. Please be sure that any agency impresses you with their screening standards and that you understand that meeting a particular ethnic criterion is not the only standard the donor applicant has to meet.
[Tue May 06 17:27:47 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankBased on your last comment, what kind of screening standards do you use? Wouldn't others use them as well?
[Tue May 06 17:27:49 PDT 2008] amydemmaI think it is important to talk about "waiting lists" for donors. Generally, I do not recommend that Intended Parents wait for a donor to finish a cycle with one couple and then hope she will be available and willing to cycle with that next couple. From time-to-time, however, I have encouraged certain clients to match with a donor even though she is otherwise committted to another couple. Frank mentioned competition...there are so many more recipients than there are donors and if you are looking for a very specific donor, you may have to get on a 'wait list"...just be sure you understand what the agency policy is if the donor backs out. Ethnic donors are highly sought after by many agencies.
[Tue May 06 17:28:50 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelanfolks, do you have any other questions for Amy tonight? We're lucky, we're a small intimate group
[Tue May 06 17:30:06 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankCan it be outside of the topic? she is very knowledgable
[Tue May 06 17:30:40 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelanof course! fire away
[Tue May 06 17:31:01 PDT 2008] amydemmaFrank, I am happy to address screening standards and do not mean to imply that there are different screening processes for ethnic donors. in fact, the point is just the opposite, a donor should not be accepted by an agency just because she is of a particular agency and I worry that agencies that specialize in particular ethnic donors may have that as a sole criteria. remember, health, lifestyle and family medical background are the most important issues in donor selection...these are the things that will bring you to a greater likelihood of a successful donor.
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[Tue May 06 17:33:00 PDT 2008] amydemmaDonor of mixed ethnicities are also an interesting group to match...be sure that you are clear about the family physicality including that of grandparents...as IPs you want to understand what ethnicity is dominant
[Tue May 06 17:33:24 PDT 2008] amydemmaDuffie....can I answer any questions for you?
[Tue May 06 17:33:28 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankOk, thanks. Since we have an expert on the line...since we are open on ethnicity (aside form having a "preference") what do you consider the most important criteria in selecting a donor
[Tue May 06 17:34:04 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankSeems you just answered that---there's a lag in my typing and seeing your response. Many thanks
[Tue May 06 17:35:54 PDT 2008] amydemmaWell, again we need to be certain that the donor is healthy, has been healthy, has a reasonable family medical background and leads a responsible and low risk lifestyle....I truly believe, though, that you can find good strong donors within all ethnic groups, you just need to be patient and have a good strategy in place...I should say, some ethnic groups as I have not done a search for IPs representing every ethnicity...but I would not mind the challenge
[Tue May 06 17:37:11 PDT 2008] DuffieAmy, in the family medical history, what are the things that a couple should beware of
[Tue May 06 17:39:36 PDT 2008] amydemmaI will share an experience that I had when working with a couple who was looking for a Jewish donor. The couple asked for Bat Mitzvah papers as comfirmation of her Judaic background. The donor did not want to share with her rabbi that she was donating and the couple declined to work with her. I am not suggesting that Intended Parents should be mistrustful or cynical but, please think about the fact that a donor can say she is of any particular ethnicity and there is little the agency or the clinic can do to verify. Again, know the agency you are working with, understand their practices and policies, know the quality of donors they accept and do prioritize the health of the genes to be donated.
[Tue May 06 17:42:48 PDT 2008] amydemmaOkay, Duffie...ethnic donor or not, you should look for any patterns or trends in medical conditions. If you see two immedaite family members with a particular diagnosis ask the donor for more information re: when diagnosed, was the diagnosis related to environmental or situational matters (for example lung cancer and smokers in the house)....these are questions the agency should be asking before agreeing to take the donor and the clinic will certainly ask them, as well. Again, certain ethnicities do carry certain genetic tendencies so, if you are looking for a Jewish donor, be sure that she will be screened for Tay Sachs and Canavans, for instance.
[Tue May 06 17:44:16 PDT 2008] amydemmaAlso, you should understand the genetic hx of the sperm donor. If the sperm donor or Intended Father has a family hx of heart condition you do not want to match with a donor who has the same family health hx...this is often a focus when the Intended Fahter or sperm donor has allergies, the donor selected should not also have allergies.
[Tue May 06 17:45:16 PDT 2008] amydemmaMental Health conditions and substance abuse in the family is becoming more of a concern at the clinical level and at Prospective Families we screen-out donors with either in their family med hx.
[Tue May 06 17:46:09 PDT 2008] Daddy_FrankHow long does it take form the point of starting to look for a donor through to use working with the clinic and on our way to pregnancy?
[Tue May 06 17:48:22 PDT 2008] amydemmaLifestyle as it impacts health is also a concern when pre-screening a donor. Donors who test positive for nicotine will be screened out by many clinics but some clinics will screen-out for cotinine which is a chemical that shows up in the donors blood if she is exposed to second hand smoke...I have had several Latino donors tell me that they are exposed to smoking in many social situations and this is a problem from a clinical standpoint.
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[Tue May 06 17:51:17 PDT 2008] amydemmaSo, you should weigh several factors when pursuing an ethnic donor...how long are you willing to wait, is your interest in the donor's ethnicity related to physicality and if so, can you find similar physical traits even if you broaden your search, are you willing to risk being placed on a waiting list for an ethnic donors, does a clinic who advertises that they specialize in ethnic donors have high pre-screen standards and can you confirm that the donor does have the ethnic background she is claiming.
[Tue May 06 17:52:19 PDT 2008] amydemmaWelcome tscruggsthomas! We are soon to wrap-up, can I answer any questions for you?
[Tue May 06 17:52:51 PDT 2008] tscruggsthomasNo thanks, I was just stopping by.
[Tue May 06 17:54:14 PDT 2008] amydemmaDuffie, did I give you enough info about medical hx? You want to avoid anything that seems like there is a strong genetic tendency. Also, for donor, her mother, her sisters and grandmothers, please verify if certain conditions were diagnosed pre-menopausal....and ask your agency abour anything you have concerns about!!!
[Tue May 06 17:54:18 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelanfolks, we only have around five minutes left
[Tue May 06 17:55:21 PDT 2008] DuffieYes, thanks so much Amy, you answered all and more
[Tue May 06 17:55:24 PDT 2008] amydemmaI hope I have been helpful, informative and hopeful!!! You will find your ideal donor, have faith and partner with the right team of professionals!!
[Tue May 06 17:55:33 PDT 2008] DuffieThanks Amy
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[Tue May 06 17:55:59 PDT 2008] Daddy_Frankthanks---a wealth of info
[Tue May 06 17:56:02 PDT 2008] Corey_WhelanAmy, I really want to thank you so much for being here. It was a small but very interested group
[Tue May 06 17:56:04 PDT 2008] Daddy_Frankbest to you !
[Tue May 06 17:56:17 PDT 2008] Corey_Whelangood night everyone. best of luck
[Tue May 06 17:56:43 PDT 2008] amydemmaThanks so much for the opptny tonight, Corey...see you in BKLYN!!!!!
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