Surrogacy: How to Select a Donor or Agency

February 14, 2006 - Tuesday
7:55 PM to (EST)
Guest Speakers: Mindy Berkson
Lotus Blossom Consulting

Categories
Egg Donation • Infertility • Surrogacy • Third Party Reproduction

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deb_capone	To start tonight's session I am going to ask Mindy to start us off by explaining exactly what an Infertility Consultant is and why we might want to engage one.
Mindy	Hello everyone. An infertility consultant . . . is someone who can help you to coordinate your journey through the confusion of infertility treatments including 3rd party reproduction (egg donation, sperm donation, surrogacy). A consultant can also help with financial planning to assist you to maximize your dollars during each and every cycle.
whattodo	What is your fee?
Mindy	The fee varies, depending upon how much time we spend together and with what your needs are. On average, the fee is around $1500.
whattodo	And do you work with all sorts of donor organizations and clinics across the entire U.S.?
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Mindy	What I do is try to find what it is that you need. If you are looking for a certain type of donor, if I am not aware of an agency I will locate one. If you need to find an attorney in your location, I will investigate that. The same for mental health professionals. Whatever it is that you need to make the process run smoothly for you.
Mindy	First and foremost, I try to help you to come up with a game plan.
whattodo	I am just exploring the donor egg process and have found it to be potentially full of stress so your role seems very helpful.
Mindy	Donor egg can be a daunting process. I help you try to determine what the most important things are for you in this process aside from the obvious . . . having a healthy baby.
whattodo	How long have you been doing this and what is your background & reason for working in this field?
Mindy	I have only been a consultant for a short time, but have worked with donor agencies as well as being an IVF coordinator (total 8 years). Additionally, I had my own round about experience with infertility and in hindsight could really have used some guidance.
deb_capone	Mindy, many people call the AFA Support line looking for financial help. You mentioned that one thing you can do is help us maximize our dollars in each cycle. Can you talk more about that?
whattodo	What is the biggest obstacle you find with the donor egg process? How often are people able to find the match they are specifically looking for?
Mindy	The biggest obstacle is coming to terms with involving a 3rd party in your family building. With realistic expectations it is possible to find what you are looking for.
qpnmwzni	Hi and thanks to those who set up this chat service. A question for you is what is your opinion on donation agencies that do their own phsychiatric testing instead of out sourcing it?
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Mindy	As for financial assistance, we can help you to evaluate financing programs offered by the fertility centers, evaluate flex spending accounts, determine if a home equity account or 401K is the way to go. Also we can work with you to help you maximize insurance benefits.
whattodo	It seems there is a large price range for payments to donors. What accounts for these variations?
Mindy	As long as the mental health professional is qualified and clearly tells you of this potential conflict, then it does not seem to be problematic.
Mindy	Payments for donors to vary by region. Here in Chicago, it is very rare to see a donor paid more than $5,000 per cycle. In CA prices can go much higher as with NY . .. supply and demand often drives the prices.
qpnmwzni	In regards to lega set up and setting up agreements for all parties, what is to happen if down the road the agency closes or goes out of business? Is there any protocol for this scenario?
Mindy	Each party should have separate legal representation including the agency.
whattodo	What are the pro's/cons of working only with your own RE's clinic donor program vs looking outside the clinic for donors?
Mindy	Well, it depends how the recruitment process works. . . do they choose for you, do you have choices. Also, there may be some conflicts with respect to who is the patient -- you or the Donor? To whom does the program loyalty lie.
qpnmwzni	In regards to the future contacts in case of illness on either party and the agency is not available, how would that work
Mindy	It is possible to try to negotiate this thru the contract with the donor and it is also possible to try to work through the fertility center if that need arises.
qpnmwzni	I heard that there are some that work with two agencies at the same time. Is this common, normal, expensive?
Mindy	Many people work with more than one agency to maximize their access to donors. The expense depends upon the agency. Some agencies may charge a fee to see profiles but do not expect the bulk of their money until a Donor has been selected. By working with multiple agencies, sometimes it can light a fire under the agencies to find what you are looking for.
whattodo	What are your thoughts on finding your own donor, but someone who doesn't have proven fertility, in order to match a certain trait/value vs working with only proven fertile donors?
Mindy	Finding your own donor can be difficult unless you are talkin about a known situation in which you are using a friend or family member. With respect to fertility this is when your RE is the key person in your team to tell you what medical qualities are most effective in donors.
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Mindy	With egg donation, many egg donors are young and do not have children, so their fertility is not necessarily proven.
qpnmwzni	In your experience, what are some flags during any time through this process that would tell you that an agency is not working in your best interest?
Mindy	They are not presenting you with donors within the time frame chosen. The donors that you are provided with do not meet your guidelines/criteria; you have had numerous donors rejected by your doctor. These are a few of the key red flags.
Mindy	Agencies should be sensitive to your needs and if at any time you do not have a comfort level with an agency than it is not the right place for you.
qpnmwzni	Are there any "hidden fees" that will come up. 5000.00 for donor, 5000.00 for agency.
Mindy	Some other fees may be supplemental insurance to cover the donor in the event of a complication, legal fees for you and the Donor, transportation for the donor which may be unpredictable if she is out of the area, injection assistance costs, medication. These should all be spelled out up front by the agency . . . i.e. what the agency fee does and does not cover.
Mindy	Other things to consider include whether the agency has a fee for a rematch if the donor selected does not meet the medical criteria or if she withdraws from participation for some reason including noncompliance.
deb_capone	Mindy, this process is clearly full of potential issue. How can patients work with a consultant to insure a great outcome and how do consultants work with/for patients. Any specifics would be quite helpful.
Mindy	Consultants help to clarify expectations, set out a clear game plan, identify resources, financial game plan, helping a couple or individual decide how much they are willing to take on, decide what steps to take if one route is not effective, come up with a list of criteria for selecting the agency and the donor or surrogate that will give the most satisfaction to the couple/individual and their plans and goals.
Mindy	Sorry for that brief interruption.
Mindy	Choosing an egg donor requires considering what traits in a donor are a "must" and which are preferences. It also requires getting on the same page with your partner. This is something that I can help to flush out with you.
deb_capone	So, if someone has made the decision to work with a consultant. What is the first question they should ask?
Mindy	The first question they should ask is . . . how are you going to help us reach our goal.
qpnmwzni	As a consultant, what is your criteria for selecting a donor agency?
Mindy	The consultant should be there to guide and assist you in achieving your goal short of providing the medical services to enable you to do so. The consultant should be able to coordinate for you what is happening in this multi faceted process.
Mindy	Criteria for a donor agency will depend on what your needs are, are you looking for a particular quality, religion, ethnicity, for example. The agencies policies for matching and rematching are also important as are what the agency does to recruit donors. What the agency requires of donors is also a key consideration
Mindy	Your doctor's recommendation may also be helpful in selecting an agency.
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qpnmwzni	Will the agency tell you that they are better at doing or do you need to ask every question in regards to religion, etc?
Mindy	You need to ask every question . . . that is the role of the consultant, to help you have that list of questions ready and able to go.
Mindy	I'm thrilled to be participating and answering your questions.
deb_capone	What are realistic expectations for a patient to have in the relationship with the consultant?
qpnmwzni	Of those that you have been a consulate, if someone was to ask them, what do you wish you would have known before, during and after donor egg and working with an agency?
Mindy	A patient should expect to have a consultant who will provide them with the right questions to ask doctors, agencies, mental health professionals, surrogates, donors, etc. The consultant will also be able to make referrals provide access to resources and develop a plan that the client can follow and amend to reach their desired goal.
Mindy	What could go wrong in a cycle? What is a reasonable time frame to complete a cycle from signing up with an agency through transfer? What the total cost would be, including medical expenses and incidental expenses? What type of follow up and facilitation the agency provides throughout the process?
Mindy	Consultants are there to help streamline the process.
qpnmwzni	What is your opinion on meeting a donor and talking with them?
Mindy	If that is mutually agreeable to you and the donor this is a perfectly good way to alleviate some concerns. It is always my recommendation, though, that this should be facilitated by a mental health professional to alleviate any discomfort of any of the parties.
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Mindy	Some people just choose to talk on the phone without ever even exchanging names but this allows them to personalize the experience.
deb_capone	You mentioned earlier about getting on the same page as your partner in terms of 'musts' vs. preferences when looking at a donor. How often does it happen that partners get to the stage of looking a donor without being on the same page and what do you do to help in that scenario.
deb_capone	Welcome, grebena. Tonight we are talking with Mindy Berkson of Lotus Blossom Consulting about using an Infertility Consultant to help select a donor/surrogate agency and the consultant's role on the 'family building team'
Mindy	It is common to be considering different things as a priority. I ask that both partners come up with a list on their own and then I facilitate a discussion between them considering their lists and helping to flush out why something is a priority. When there is disagreement sometimes just getting to the root of why that trait or quality is important and talking it through can get to resolution because at the end of the day both partners want the same thing -- a healthy baby
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deb_capone	We still have time for a few questions before I ask Mindy to give us her closing comments.
deb_capone	Welcome, Beth. We are happy to have you with us!
beth	thanks
qpnmwzni	What are some comments that couples have said to you after going through donor egg?
Mindy	What a wonderful gift. That is one of the most common comments that I hear. By and large couples have been pleased with the process, although, it is a process that is never without a few bumps in the road.
Mindy	It is my job, though, to help couples to foressee the bumps and prepare for them.
deb_capone	Are there common bumps that most couple don't consider when they begin the journey?
qpnmwzni	Is that to say that there is a sense of relief at the end of this scary road?
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Mindy	Some common bumps include donors being rejected once they reach the doctor for medical exam, incidental expenses, mental health questions regarding the donor's appropriateness. I've even seen donor's get pregnant themselves during the process. These are difficult hurdles, but if one is prepared and knows what the next steps are, then it is easier to cope with the disappointment.
Mindy	Yes, there is a tremendous sense of relief at the end of the road.
Mindy	It's been my pleasure. thank you for having me.
deb_capone	What does one do when the donor gets rejected at the medical exam?
qpnmwzni	Thank you for answering all questions. You really helped.
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Mindy	That will depend on the agency and if the rematch policy, if any that they have. This is one of the many important factors to consider when choosing an agency. .. what happens if the donor is rejected.
Mindy	I'm glad to have helped.
deb_capone	Mindy, I want to invite you take a question or two more and then give us some parting words and if you are able to provide contact information, I think our participants might love to have it!
Mindy	For any one with more questions, please feel free to contact me at mindy
deb_capone	Let'st ry that again...
Mindy	mindy@lotusblossomconsulting.com or 847-989-8628
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deb_capone	There you have it.....your direct connection to Mindy!
Mindy	This is a difficult enough process as it is . . . an infertility consultant can be that one person who is in your corner throughout the process and can guide you through it and help you over the hurdles.
deb_capone	Once again, Mindy, thank you so much for your time and expertise. Your insights have been very helpful tonight. We look forward to your reprise next month.
Mindy	Thank you.
deb_capone	For those of you that want more information on this topic, look for your next Connections e-newsletter for Mindy's article.
deb_capone	If you don't get the e-newsletter, its a FREE component of your No Barriers membership.....
deb_capone	go to www.theafa.org and sign up now!
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deb_capone	Mindy's contact information is: mindy@lotusblossomconsulting.com or 847 989 8628.
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deb_capone	Happy Valentine's Day everyone....we'll see you next week!
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Surrogacy: How to Select a Donor or Agency

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