The Adoption Homestudy

September 19, 2006 - Tuesday
3:53 PM to (EST)
Guest Speakers: Amy Rackear, LMSW

Categories
Adoption • Infertility • International Adoption

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deb	An adoption homestudy-performed by a social worker-is a 'must have' for anyone expanding their family through adoption-both domestically and internationally. Many people wonder what the social worker is looking for and how they can prepare for this important step in the adoption process. This session will demystify the process, manage your expectations and even help you enjoy the home study.
deb	Tonight, Amy Rackear a social worker based in NY will be our guest speaker. Amy
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deb	Amy's private practice is dedicated to adoption education, counseling homestudies and post placement contact.
deb	We will be starting in just a few moments.
Amy_Rackear	Hello Deb. I'm sending this as a test.
deb	Welcome to tonight's session, hosted by The American Fertility Association and sponsored by Fertility Lifelines. I am your moderator and if you need to talk with me privately simply click on my name in the left hand column and you will be connected dorectly to me.
deb	Sorry for my bad typing tonight....I will get it together!
Amy_Rackear	It looks fine to me!
deb	Welcome, Pja619 and Amy! Thanks to both of you for joining us.
pja619	i hope i won't be the only one tonight!
deb	YOu probably won't be...but lucky you if you are!
Amy_Rackear	If you are, pja619, I'm all yours.
pja619	yes very lucky!
deb	The audience tends to build over the first 15 minutes....so, not to worry.
Amy_Rackear	Feel free to ask me whatever you need to know about the adoption homestudy.
pja619	my name is portia
Amy_Rackear	Hi Portia. I'm amy.
pja619	i came here tonight just to listen
deb	Amy why don't you make a few opening comments to get the ball rolling....or Portia if you have specific questions, jump on in.
Amy_Rackear	I'm smiling. Uh-oh.
Amy_Rackear	Okay, Deb.
deb	I remember when my social worker did my home study. i worried about lots of things...like were my closets clean and what kind of tea I should serve her.
Amy_Rackear	The adoption homestudy is required for anyone adopting from anywhere. Whether you hope to locate a child within the US, or plan on going to Russia or China, you'll need a homestudy.
Amy_Rackear	People do worry about those things, Deb.
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Amy_Rackear	But it's not necessary, as I'm sure you realized once your social worker was there.
Amy_Rackear	I always tell me, during the first phone contact, not to worry about the closets. I absolutely don't want to look in the closets.
deb	Welcome, Merlin. We are talking with Amy Rackear about what to expect when your social worker knocks on your door to do your adoption home study.
Amy_Rackear	Should I begin by telling you what the social worker really is looking for? Portia, does that sound like a good starting place. And hello, Merlin.
merlin	Good evening.
pja619	yes! we are at the very beginning of the process
deb	Amy, that is a great place...and also where on the adoption journey does it come into play.
Amy_Rackear	Okay
pja619	still just investigating adoption as an option
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Amy_Rackear	The Adoption Homestudy is a report that reflects who you are, i.e., your past, who you are now - significant relationships, employment - and, obviously, why you want to parent.
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Amy_Rackear	A social worker interviews you and, if you're married or have a partner, both of you.
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Amy_Rackear	Hello Ladybug
deb	Welcome Ladybug
pja619	seperately, together or both?
Amy_Rackear	There is at least one visit to your home.
deb	Amy Rackear, LCSW is discussing the ins and outs of the adoption home study.
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Amy_Rackear	Portia, different social workers or different agencies have different ways of doing this
pja619	ok
Amy_Rackear	some will meet with you seperately and then together
ladybug107	thanks i am not sure if i am in the "right" place we have just started considering adoption after 3 years of IF and 2 IVF cycles and a cxl cycle
deb	You are totally in the right place.
Amy_Rackear	others might do the entire interview with the two of you together
ladybug107	ok thx
Amy_Rackear	Yes, ladybug, i think you're in the right place, too.
deb	We are talking about what to expect from the adoption home study, but I am sure Amy will be happy to answer any other questions about adoption you might have.
deb	Sorry to put words in your mouth, Amy!
Amy_Rackear	In infertility treatment, it can be very helpful - emotionally - to begin considering other options
Amy_Rackear	That's okay.
ladybug107	is the home study one of the first things after picking an agency etc and filling out paperwork
Amy_Rackear	I don't have to stick to the homestudy, if there are related concerns people here wish to talk about
Amy_Rackear	I've often done workshops on making the transition from infertility treatment to adoption - we can go there a bit, too.
Amy_Rackear	So does anyone have a question?
ladybug107	ok thanks i can "observe" if others have just specifics about home study but i am definetly in the transition if others on the chat are maybe we can touch on the IF to adoption decisions etc.
pja619	i'm in the same place
Amy_Rackear	Deb?
pja619	we have done 2 ifv cycles one more planned then we are done with the IF
ladybug107	if you dont mind have you done IVF yet? for me and DH we feel after a few attempts this would be the natural progression
merlin	I'm in the same place, too.
deb	Fine with me....these sessions are for you...
ladybug107	that is the same as me....
deb	I think we have consensus...go for it ladies!
Amy_Rackear	Okay. I gather you want to discuss making the transition from treatment to adoption.
merlin	yes.
ladybug107	if we are just beginning to look into adoption where do we start? picking domestic vs int'l etc?
pja619	i just don't know where to begin
Amy_Rackear	Best way to start, I think, is reading.
pja619	thank u lady u said if perfectly
ladybug107	yes the transition sometimes seems to me like i am a "failure" b/c our 1st hope was biological children
ladybug107	in my resolve group our leader mentioned a book i think it is called adoption after infertility?
Amy_Rackear	I'll suggest a couple of books and websites.
merlin	My husband is not fond of the idea of adoption. So this has been a really hard time for us.
Amy_Rackear	Adopting After Infertility is by Patricia Irwon Johnston
Amy_Rackear	she is publisher of Perspectives Press
pja619	deb can we get a transcript so we don't have to take notes?
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Amy_Rackear	book can be ordered from her website, and also Amazon (of course)
Amy_Rackear	all books I'll suggest are available through Amazon
deb	Yes, the transcipts are usually posted a few weeks after each session. And Pat's website is www.perspectivespress.com
ladybug107	ok thanks for that info on the book
Amy_Rackear	A very good overview of adoption is The Adotpion Resource Book by Lois Gilman
Amy_Rackear	now in 4th edition
Amy_Rackear	it describes the different types of adoption
Amy_Rackear	and - guess what - has a section devoted to the homestudy
deb	Welcome Madison 1702. We are talking about adoption with Amy Rackear. We are covering lots of ground so feel free to jump in if you have any questions about adoption, getting started, the transition from ivf treatment to adoption, the adopton homestudy...etc
ladybug107	would you say that is first for us to decide (domestic/int'l/public/private)??
Amy_Rackear	Is Adoption For You? by Christine Adamec is also excellent.
Amy_Rackear	I'm not sure I understand the question, ladybug.
ladybug107	merlin--i know that a few couples in our resolve group the men are very hesitant and against the adoption idea and i am sure that is hard for you
ladybug107	is the first step after deciding on adoption to decide what type of adoption you want to persue?
Amy_Rackear	Yes, it is.
deb	As an FYI, The AFA has some great articles on adoption. Just check out the "What's here" section for all of them.
Amy_Rackear	And that pertains to the homestudy, too.
Amy_Rackear	The homestudy report must address some different things depending on what type of adoption you're doing
Amy_Rackear	and different countries also have their own requirements
ladybug107	great thanks...for the other gals looking into adoption what type are you looking in to? my husband mentioned possibly a girl from china
merlin	It is very hard and I am trying to be patient. But, in the interim I am gathering the information that we will need if we decide to pursue adoption.
Amy_Rackear	however, you can certainly meet with your social worker and discuss the different types of adoption that you're considering
deb	My daughter joined my family from China....so I am biased! She is the best!
ladybug107	good for you merlin - always good to have a plan and maybe your DH will change his mind?
ladybug107	deb--good to hear --did you adopt her as an infant?
deb	she was 11 months old.
deb	about average for China
Amy_Rackear	It is always good to have a plan
Amy_Rackear	or to be thinking about alternatives, and doing research
merlin	Thanks for the support ladybug107.
Amy_Rackear	And congratulations, Deb. How old is she now?
deb	she is six
ladybug107	no problem at all we are all going through this together
ladybug107	i was wondering if some day the child looks at you and thinks/says "you don't look like me" and if that is difficult to explain to the child her parents could not care for him/her or whatever the situation is
deb	But, I remember being in this stage....I was lucky in that international adoption came easily to me as I didn't need for my child to look like me. That was the first decision i made. After that I looked at Every country
madison1702	My husband and I have started filling out our adoption paper work. We always said that we would like to adopt a little girl from china, Long before we were married. We have been to China. We want to know why we even have to discuss our infertility issues. We feel that is very private. Also what about all the families that adopt and the get pregnant on their own afterwards. We have unexplained in fertility. Thank you Maddie 1702
ladybug107	i am sure there are books/counseling for this issue once we would get to that point
Amy_Rackear	Yes, there's a lot out there to help you communicate with your child about adoption.
Amy_Rackear	I want to address something that Madison said
Amy_Rackear	Why do we have to discuss our infertility?
Amy_Rackear	So many people feel that adoption is an intrusive process
Amy_Rackear	and im some respects, it is.
Amy_Rackear	The truth is that nobody is "entitled" to adopt
Amy_Rackear	and the agencies or professionals who are working with you will be your advocates
Amy_Rackear	and there are some things that simply must be discussed
Amy_Rackear	Generally, when I do homestudies
Amy_Rackear	I spend very little time discussing infertility
Amy_Rackear	a few minutes - more if the individual or couple needs to focus on it
Amy_Rackear	and some people do
Amy_Rackear	As for the number of people who get pregnant after adopting
Amy_Rackear	there seems to be no correlation between adopting and pregnancy
Amy_Rackear	so those people would likely have become pregnant if they hadn't adopted.
Amy_Rackear	I'm sure everyone on this page feels that this process will be intrusive. Thoughts?
ladybug107	i would guess it would be intrusive but i think going to an RE/getting constant bloodwork/IVFs is intrusive but we will do what we have to to build a family
Amy_Rackear	exactly
Amy_Rackear	And it's important to be comfortable with the adoption professionals/agencies you choose.
merlin	I think it will be intrusive. But, it is the price you pay to be intrusted with a precious life. Sounds corny but that is how I feel. It is truely a gift to be a parent.
ladybug107	amy- for domestic adoption in some states is it true that the birth mother can take the child back after you have adopted the child?
pja619	how do u choose an agency
Amy_Rackear	Beautifully stated, Merlin
Amy_Rackear	Ladybug, each state has it's own laws. why should it be easy? In New York, a birthmother has 45 days in which she can petition the court to regain custody
Amy_Rackear	the Court renders a decision based on the best interests of the child
Amy_Rackear	It very rare - in any state - for a birthparent to attempt to take the child back after an adoption.
ladybug107	how do you find out the laws for each state? i know of someone that happened to and now my one IF buddy's DH won't even consider it b/c of how hard it was for their friends who had the child taken back
ladybug107	good to hear that is rare and that the court decides
Amy_Rackear	Did this happen after finalization?
Amy_Rackear	That's extremely rare
Amy_Rackear	and generally - unless there were extraordinary circumstances - it wouldn't be allowed.
ladybug107	i am not 100% sure b/c they don't discuss it but they do have 2 twins now from adoption domestically so that is a blessing
Amy_Rackear	You don't really need to know the laws of every state
ladybug107	no i mean for my state, PA where would i look ?
Amy_Rackear	Just the laws of the state in which you reside
Amy_Rackear	You should call an adoption attorney
ladybug107	okay thanks
Amy_Rackear	or a local agency
madison1702	I dont mind talking about the issue of our infertility along with any other personal info. I feel we are at the time in our life that we dont want to wait to see if we have one of our own to be a parent. I just can not say that we are not trying on our own any more .I hope that would not be held against us. I meanit is not a requirement that if we are adopting that we need to use birthcontrol. Its just that I have had friends who have adopted and theyhave really put the fear in me regarding fertility issues and adopting. thanks Maddie 1702
Amy_Rackear	Hi Maddie
ladybug107	is there a "better" way to go about where to go for adoption? i hear more about people going thru an agency but i know you can use an adoption lawyer also
Amy_Rackear	Trying to read both statements
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Amy_Rackear	as for attempting pregnancy
Amy_Rackear	some people continue trying to get pregant
Amy_Rackear	and some of those succeed
Amy_Rackear	then they have to decide if they want to continue with the adoption plan
Amy_Rackear	and some do
Amy_Rackear	now for your other question
Amy_Rackear	here's a wonderful website for you
Amy_Rackear	www.adoptivefamilies.com
Amy_Rackear	Adoptive Families is a magazine that comes out every other month
Amy_Rackear	it's a wonderful resource for pre and post adoption
Amy_Rackear	and there's a lot on the website, some of which can help you decide between international and domestic
ladybug107	great thank you
Amy_Rackear	and, in domestic, agency or independent
madison1702	My husband and I are committed to adopting a chil from china. Once we start the process we are not turning back for any reason. Maddie1702
Amy_Rackear	There are also organizations that sponsor workshops, seminars and conferences
Amy_Rackear	Great, Maddie!
Amy_Rackear	very exciting
ladybug107	good for you madision...where are you in the process? did you decide on an agency?
Amy_Rackear	Now here's another website for those considering international adoption:
Amy_Rackear	www.jcics.org
Amy_Rackear	Joint Council on International Children's Services has country specific information
Amy_Rackear	and also lists agencies that faciliate adoptions in different countries
Amy_Rackear	with links to excellent websites, such as embassies in various countries, etc.
deb	Maddie, you might want to get a hold of the local Families with Children from China (FCC) in your area. Nice support before, during and after an adoption from China.
Amy_Rackear	Very good suggestion, Deb. It's a terrific organization.
Amy_Rackear	Now I'm going to throw something into the mix about the homestudy, using China as an example. Chnia requires a total of 4 interviews for the homestudy. The report must note dates and who was present at each meeting.
madison1702	We have picked an agency, We have been to a few meetings, filled out our paperwork ,had our physicals and are in the process of writing our personal Bios. The paper work is daunting .so far it has taken us three months to organize everything. they want the pkg completed before turning everthing over. Maddie
Amy_Rackear	So that's an example of why it's helpful to know in advance where you're planning to go.
Amy_Rackear	Yes, the paperwork is daunting in international adoption
Amy_Rackear	we adopted our daughter from Russia
Amy_Rackear	but every time I checked something off on the list of documents required, I knew I was that much closer to becoming her mother.
Amy_Rackear	Paperwork for domestic adoption is easier. . .
Amy_Rackear	other questions or comments?
Amy_Rackear	we're a small group
deb	And we have about ten minutes left of Amy's time
Amy_Rackear	I'm happy to be here
madison1702	I just thought domestic adoption would actually be harder Because the birth mother in most cases has to pick you.
deb	We really appreciate your time..and your flexibility in covering the subjects that our audience really cares about!
Amy_Rackear	There's so much serendipity involved in domestic adoption, Maddie. It comes down to whose path you cross and when.
ladybug107	is there any reason that if you traveled overseas to get your child or have the adoption approved that you could go home w/o a child? i hate to be worst case scenario but i like to be realistic as our hopes have been crushed from the IF treatments, etc.
Amy_Rackear	Some people choose international adoption because the time framework is clearer at the outset
Amy_Rackear	Rarely
madison1702	Have a good night everyone .Thank you for your time amy
ladybug107	i mostly hear/read about china/russia/guatemala --- are there programs for africa or haiti?
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Amy_Rackear	On occasion a specific child for whatever reason isn't available - that HARDLY EVER happens
ladybug107	good luck with the rest of the process madison
ladybug107	thanks amy good to hear
madison1702	Thank you
Amy_Rackear	but in those instances, you'd likely be referred another child immediately
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Amy_Rackear	Try to remember that adoption has a very high take-home baby rate
merlin	Thanks everyone. good night.
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Amy_Rackear	The decision-making process can be very difficult - where to go, for example, but you WILL get there.
deb	and you don't have to make cookies and serve tea to the social worker who does your homestudy!
Amy_Rackear	No, absolutely not. I'm laughing, Deb.
deb	I did...and yet I still got my daughter-go figure!
Amy_Rackear	That's a recurring thread on some of the adoption digests. What to serve the social worker.
ladybug107	thank you very much for your time and expertise...i wish you all the best of luck and happiness in your journies
Amy_Rackear	The social worker is looking for an environment that is physically and emotionally safe for a child
deb	I am thinking that the social worker really wants to find a place for the baby, almost as much as we want them in our homes!
Amy_Rackear	Good luck everyone!
deb	Amy, why don't you take the last couple of minutes to wrap it up for us...and if you are comfortable giving out contact info in case anyone wants to ask you anything else...this would be the time!
deb	As a reminder, if you aren't a "No Barriers" member of The AFA-there is no time like the present. Go to www.theafa.org and sign up. Its free!
Amy_Rackear	Sure. If anyone has additional questions, now or in the future, feel free to e-mail me: Amymswcsw@aol.com
deb	Join us next week, when Dr. Bradford Kolb from Huntington Reproductive Center joins us to answer your medical questions....
deb	Thanks to all of you who joined us. We'll 'see' you next week.
deb	Amy, thanks again. This was a great session and the transcript will help many more people navigate thru the waters of adoption.
Amy_Rackear	Goodnight. Yes, I hope it was helpful.
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hoping	Amy, are you still on?
hoping	oops, just realized it is after 930 ET.
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