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BY SCOTCH ELLIS LORING

“How do you feel about kids?” I asked. “I love kids” he replied. Good answer. Deal breaker number one successfully hurdled. I don’t remember asking this question on our first date. Usually, I would be more cautious, making sure not to scare away such a handsome suitor as Todd. Off limits were politics, old familial histrionics, past romances, my obsession with Elizabeth Montgomery and most certainly my extremely strong primal urge to procreate.  It could have been the fact that I was just coming out of a five and a half year relationship that left me only one feeling of regret, that the time I spent nest building had turned up empty.

Todd seemed, from the start, someone I could easily spend the rest of my life with and there was no use gathering twigs and bits of papers to rebuild unless I knew our “nest” would one day hold chickadees.

Todd and I moved forward with our relationship and after two years together we had a commitment ceremony in front of friends and family in the backyard of our home. Shortly after that, the topic of starting our family came up. A couple of years of work, logistics and self admitted ‘foot dragging’ (Todd not me) slowed things down a bit but finally, after fours years together, we began our quest to become parents.

We met with two agencies to help us manage our way. We decided, for many reasons, that Growing Generations was the right place for us.  I remember building our profile and how vulnerable it felt to put myself out there on paper. Presenting a real picture of us, while being cautious to not seem anxious or desperate. To this day, I still have the phone message Erica left letting us know that a couple had decided that they would like to work with us. Only the fact that I still have the message saved, can explain the impact of that call.

Our surrogate to be lived out of state and her husband was about to do his first tour in Iraq.  Our match meeting went very well, even with her husband attending over the speaker of the office phone. Before leaving the parking lot, Todd and I let Stuart and Gail at Growing Generations know that we wanted to proceed with this couple. The surrogate had made the same call moments earlier.

For the most part, our experience with our surrogate went well. We bonded and came to know each other very well. Sadly, we weren’t successful in our first two attempts to get pregnant. Our second go round resulted in a false pregnancy which left us somewhat deflated. While looking at the ultra sound I asked Dr. Ringler if he was sure nothing was in the birth sack. This was a naive question I wouldn’t understand until I saw one that wasn’t empty. We had, up to that point, also been working with another clinic and after the flights, rental cars, strange hotel beds, we moved our full operation back to Los Angeles.

Guy Ringler was the first IVF doctor we consulted with and we were thrilled to drive down the street to do a transfer and be in his offices again.

It was hours after our third transfer with this surrogate that Dr. Ringler discovered dangerously low progesterone levels.  A last minute attempt to raise her numbers would prove to be in vain. Thus ending our journey with this particular surrogate.

We were now over two years in and beginning to seriously question our whole process. We would never pass the test on being a religious household, but our personal faiths and belief systems would qualify us as a spiritual household. Perhaps parenting, at least this avenue, is not God’s will.

However thank God for Stuart, Heidi, Kim and the rest of the staff at Growing Generations. Before Todd and I could make any final decisions, they had gotten the story of our journey to another surrogate. Her name is Kristy. Before we knew it we were sitting in a match meeting with her and her husband and against all attempts to remain reserved and business like (still recovering from our last relationship) we fell in love. At first, I was sure it was the chocolate chip cookies she baked and showed up with. Later, we would learn, time and time again, that it was her enormous heart.

We didn’t get pregnant on our first attempt with Kristy. There was disappointment and we were emotionally spent. However, I decided to treat this as our first attempt and not our fourth failure. Combined with Kristy’s support and that of her husband Erik’s, we decided to try a second time. You always hear “things will work out the way they are supposed to ”, other sometimes seemingly silly slogans and mottos plastered on walls in homes and offices everywhere. Silly until they apply to you personally. Because after several egg donors, two surrogates traveling three different states, a false pregnancy and more, we were finally pregnant!

At seven weeks, standing in the exam room, I was elated beyond description to see the heartbeat of our child. I was hopeful but not fully prepared to see that there was a second heartbeat. They both were strong, solid and music to my ears. I hadn’t quite adjusted to the fact that we were having twins when Dr. Ringler asked if I wanted to hear the third. “There is smelling salts on the wall behind you” Kristy said, as I aimed my butt towards the chair in the corner. Still, this moment brings tears to my eyes. I hadn’t dared dream of two let alone the possibility of three. The desire to parent was so strong that asking for more that one healthy child seemed greedy.

We never planned on three. Certainly Todd hadn’t. (It wouldn’t be until our fourth or fifth month of pregnancy that he would finally confess, that when I asked how he felt about kids, he thought that I wanted to know whether or not he liked them.) Our baby’s room, planned and prepared years earlier, would not accommodate three. So, it was goodbye guestroom, and hello new nursery. Things do work out the way they are supposed to.  At 35 week and 4 days of pregnancy, Kristy went into the delivery room and presented us with our first daughter. At 9:40 am Nova was born. For a triplet who was a month shy of her May 10th due date, she came in at an impressive 6lbs, 11oz. Hana, our second daughter was 5lbs, 6oz. Baby “C” weighed 6lbs, 3oz. Our son Hogan. By 9:42 all three were here, everyone oversized and healthy. For triplets we were incredibly blessed with the health of our babies. Our girls came home on day two and after a short ten-day stay in the NICU (to monitor his O2 level and a brief assessment of his suck, swallow skills), Hogan followed. It is amazing to have our home filled with everyone together where we all belong.

The babies are a month old today. The joy and excitement is as fresh as ever. Each day, over and over, we get to fall in love. We love our lives more than we thought we could and we know that there are more reasons to love our lives coming down the road. Our relationship with Kristy, her husband and three children is continuing to grow and become even closer. Our children are growing strong on her breast milk and for a second time she is giving them life. Our relationship as a married couple grows daily because there is more to love.

On my desk there is a greeting card that I framed years ago. It is one of the “silly” sayings I spoke of earlier. A simple message that now has deeper personal meaning . It says “Never, Never, Never Give Up!”

For years I didn’t know why of all the cute sayings and words of inspiration out there out there, I had to choose this one to listen to.

Today, I do know why. And I thank “my stars” that we never did give up. Times three.