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The American Fertility Association Blog

Welcoming Jesse

May 27, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by admin

By:  Sierra Hansen

When my partner announced 7 years ago she wanted to start a family, I was speechless. We never really talked about getting pregnant because we knew it would require money and effort and we simply weren’t ready to initiate the whole process. She was 37 and I was 31, so it was obvious she would go first. We announced our plans to get pregnant to all of our friends, asked for tons of advice, found a friend willing to be our donor, and tried to get pregnant.

And tried, and tried, and tried. We adopted a laissez faire attitude because like many women our ages, we thought as soon as we decided to get pregnant, it would be a snap.  It wasn’t. After 7 years, we used 6 different sperm donors (known and unknown), underwent ~30 IUIs, 18 which were medically assisted with drugs, and finally one IVF procedure which culminated in a happy 9 month old boy.

At first, we were giddy with excitement every time we tried to inseminate, and we held our collective breath for the two weeks between trying and the first pregnancy test. After a year, we began to wonder if we shouldn’t talk to a specialist. We did, and it was eye-opening. We thought we were well-informed and educated about our fertility. Boy, were we wrong. So, we initiated a much more strategic, medically-assisted plan with a great physician who shared the startling truth about reproductive health. He brought up concerns about my partner’s age, and suggested we only try 6 IUI’s before we consider IVF or switching to me. We began to dread the two week wait, especially when our friends were constantly enquiring how the baby-making was coming along. We finally told people that no news was bad news, and most got the hint.

Meanwhile, we watched a number of our straight and gay friends have one and two babies. We rubbed pregnant bellies and babysat as much as possible hoping some good luck would rub off on us. After the 6 IUI’s with our doctor wrapped up the second year of trying, my partner had given up and it was my turn. She tried to keep her chin up, but I knew she was devastated. I did my best to support her, and we turned our hopes to my getting pregnant quickly. We took a few months off to recoup our energy and spirits and started again.

When I started, we didn’t tell anybody except for our closest friends. We just couldn’t handle the monthly barrage of questions, and the seemingly inevitable “No news is bad news” response. Our best friends tried to be supportive, but after 11 cycles of drug-assisted IUI’s, we began to isolate ourselves from them. One day, about 2 months before we knew we would have to make the decision to go forward with IVF or remain childless, we invited our neighbors who were walking by in for a glass of wine. She announced no wine for her because she was expecting, patting her belly to reinforce the announcement. A month earlier they were not even sure they wanted kids and all of a sudden they were pregnant. I wanted to yell at them, slam the door, crumple into a ball and cry. I didn’t. Somehow, I found the courage to invite them in, offer her a glass of water, and toast their good fortune. We did pull back from them, and our close friends, after letting them know we were really struggling with the inability to get pregnant. Our friends understood when we crawled into our shells.

When we initiated the IVF, our physician was incredibly optimistic. The most optimistic he had been in a long time. While my inability to get pregnant via IUI stumped him, he thought I would be a good candidate for IVF success. He was right. After all the shots, pills, ultrasounds, and blood tests, my doctor harvested 21 eggs, fertilized 14, and eventually 5 made it to blastocyst. We froze three, and two were transferred. One took, and when a beautiful 8lb, 6oz baby boy was born 9 months later, we named him Jesse. I had the easiest pregnancy in the world and Jesse is an amazing baby. Today we feel very lucky and grateful that we have a child with big blue eyes who sleeps through the night. However, we try to educate our friends who seek information about getting pregnant at every opportunity. If our experience can help shorten the time it takes another couple, we’ll consider it a bonus.

Best,

Sierra Hansen

To read more about Gay Moms Doing Well Despite Prop 8, click here

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elizabeth-gregory/gay-moms-doing-well_b_207455.html

Sierra Hansen and her partner, Barbara, have been together for 14 years, and last August she gave birth to a baby boy. She is currently a graduate student at the University of Washington researching on infertility genetics, policy, and law.

 

 

Categories
Donor Sperm • Family Building • Fertility • Fertility Drugs • Frozen Sperm • Gay and Lesbian Family Building • IUI • IVF • LGBT • Pregnancy • Sperm Donation

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Facing Change

March 16, 2009 - Monday
Posted by Ken

Last year I wrote an article addressing how issues surrounding the topic of infertility would only become more intense in the coming year. What I didn’t realize is the degree to which the infertility conversation would enter mainstream media, and how quickly.

Thus far in 2009, the topic of infertility is everywhere. Whether it’s the mother of eight babies in California or a 60 (plus) year-old woman becoming pregnant through in-vitro fertilization (IVF), infertility has become part of most people’s daily listening and reading, if not daily conversation.

As I write this in mid-March, I’m wondering what’s going to happen this week when the Georgia State Senate considers a “personhood” bill, which defines life at the moment of conception and ascribes all human rights to the embryo from that point forward. The bill would make anyone who damages or destroys an embryo criminally liable, subject to both fines and imprisonment. It would further forbid any disposition of unused embryos except the option to donate them to another couple, (and they do mean married, heterosexual couples).  The option to freeze embryos for use at a later date, donate them to scientific research, or dispose of them would be illegal if this bill becomes law.

There are several other bills floating around state legislatures right now. Many are designed to dictate to physicians and patients having difficulty conceiving how many embryos they can create, how many they may transfer, and what the disposition of any unused embryos must be.

New questions are being raised about the use of sperm taken posthumously from a male for the purpose of continuing a family line or ensuring inheritance. Who has the final say in these matters?

Egg freezing is emerging as the most asked about fertility topic of the year. Women and men want to know if eggs can be frozen for use at a later date, similar to what is currently being practiced with unused embryos. If so, what’s the success rate? Is this something we should be encouraging? Are there risks? What are they?

Egg freezing, taking sperm from dead men, legislators dictating what physicians and patients can and can’t do, and the very real possibility of microscopic tissue being called a “child” are just some of the issues The American Fertility Association (The AFA) is helping consumers sort through as they begin or find themselves in the midst of their family building journeys.

7.3 million American women experience difficulty conceiving or bringing a pregnancy to term. Fertility challenges among men may be just as high, as male factor infertility is the sole or contributing cause in about 40% of infertile couples.  We are, indeed, faced with a significant challenge.

In addition to providing education and support for those facing fertility challenges, this year, The AFA began an infertility prevention program in which we take education to young women at places they already frequent - like nail salons and health clubs.

Why? There are types of infertility that can be prevented. Avoiding environmental toxins, taking into account the biological clock (fertility begins to decline at age 27 for women and 35 for men) and preventing STD’s are all things that can keep options open for individuals and couples if and when they decide to have children. As everyone knows, prevention, when possible, is the best cure.

Our mission is simple: prevent infertility whenever possible and support people in building families of choice. To learn more, visit us at http://www.theafa.org.

The American Fertility Association, a 501 (c) (3) national non-profit organization is a lifetime resource for infertility prevention, reproductive health and family building. AFA services and materials are provided free of charge to consumers and available to everyone without reservation. These services include an extensive online library, monthly online chats, telephone and in-person coaching, a resource directory, hosted message boards, daily fertility news and a toll-free support line.
http://www.theafa.org or 888.917.3777.

Ken Mosesian
Executive Director

Categories
Donor Egg • Donor Sperm • Egg Donation • Egg Freezing • Embryo Donation • Family Building • Fertility • Fertility Preservation • Frozen Embryos • Frozen Sperm • Infertility • IVF • Reproductive Freedom • Sexual Health • Sperm Donation • Third Party Reproduction

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Of Winter in Paris and Freezing Sperm

February 5, 2008 - Tuesday
Posted by Ken

It’s a cold winter’s day in Paris, and I’m talking to an old grade school buddy that I hadn’t seen in 25 years. We were there for an amazing home design show called Maison et Objet. My partner, after 21 years of teaching elementary school (his mother’s occupation) is transitioning careers to become a designer (his dad’s occupation.)

As I’m discussing my work with the AFA, my buddy—we’re both 48—says to me, “you need to talk to me about the whole sperm freezing thing.” Corner café, a delicious croissant, a café créme, and freezing sperm.

Seems my pal is hoping to create a family sometime in the future. So talk we did.

As I thought about my 2+ years with the AFA, I realized that the conversation, barring the location, was not all that unusual.

A workman, coming into my home office for payment on yard work sees the CDC’s ART Success Rates Report and begins to tell me about the time and expense and anxiety and guilt that he and his wife are experiencing in their journey to create family.

After Mass one Sunday, a friend pulls me aside and asks for assurances that “this” happens to other people, too, and that she’s really still fully a woman.

It made me think about the work that we do and the opportunities that the AFA provides for people to ask their questions in a safe place and to hear from the leading experts in fertility and related fields.

Take this coming Sunday. We’re excited about our first ever conference in San Francisco. We’ve done them on the east coast and they are fantastic. I’m sure the west coast version is going to be just as great. We’re taking a fresh approach, with something for everyone, including a full track for the LGBT community. The day is chock full of brilliant presenters discussing everything from infertility to 3rd party reproduction to adoption.

The day ends with wine and cheese and a chance to hear the real story about the environment and fertility. The lovely and talented Brenda Strong, the AFA’s national spokesperson and star of Desperate Housewives, will be keeping everyone in check.

Whether you’re straight or gay, single, partnered or married, younger or older, just considering family building or in the thick of it, we want you to be there.

Call 888-917-3777 to register.

I’m sure there will be more conversations in Paris and in my office and at church, but for this one day, we can have the conversation together, as family. Please join us.

Ken Mosesian
Acting Executive Director

Categories
Adoption • Family Building • Fertility • Frozen Sperm

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