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The American Fertility Association Blog

Happy Pride!

June 15, 2009 - Monday
Posted by admin

I had been looking forward to BrooklynPride Day for weeks. The AFA decided to set up a tent there so we could speak to people about family building and for me this was so amazing, because BrooklynPride takes place in my own backyard, along Prospect Park in Park Slope. I was really looking forward to having my friends, neighbors and especially my own kids stopping by The AFA tent, as well as the 5,000 visitors who typically come to Park Slope for this annual event. I strolled it last year with Connor and Caitlin but at that time, the three of us were much more intent on the baba ghanoush and costume jewelry available for sale, than on the information available. What a difference a year makes!

I knew I would want to write a blog entry about the event, but last week when I visualized my words on paper, I thought I would call this entry Gay is the New Black. Which I like as a title a lot. But the truth is, that title didn’t fit the spirit of this amazing day, which was simply, Pure Happiness.

Ken (Mosesian, The AFA’s Executive Director) had threatened to buy me a teeshirt with “Middle Aged Straight Woman” written on it to wear to Pride, but mercifully, he didn’t. Instead the four of us showed up in our regular clothes: Dr. Jessica Brown and Dr. Cristina Matera, both of Madison Women’s Health & Fertility, plus Melinda Micciola,The AFA’s Director of Operations and me. Madison Women’s has always been a safe, compassionate practice for single women, gay or straight, to go to and we were honored to have them sponsor our tent.
The whole neighborhood was out there it seemed. Lots of couples of every kind, proud to show off loving pda’s. I’ve never seen so many cute dogs wearing colorful bandanas. My fave moment? The cutest 6 month old baby boy wearing an “I Love My Two Moms teeshirt”, happily utilizing an AFA directory cd as a chew toy.

At the tent, we were knee deep in people who wanted to talk to all of us.

I have to tell you, Saturday made me so happy. I love talking to people, and so many stopped by our booth. Their faces were so eager and open, and gawd, so many of them were very young! At least to me. There was one young woman who was intent on freezing her eggs - until Melinda and I explained to her that as a 34 year old lesbian, freezing her embryos was a better choice. Another woman was grateful to hear from someone point blank that she should move onto IVF or IVM after 8 unsuccessful IUI’s. She said that no one had told her that before. And of course, we fell in love with Anthony and Ricky, what a handsome couple. They are currently keeping their fingers crossed that their adoption will come through.

We spoke to the earnest faced kids who go to Harvey Milk High School. Two of them in particular were glad to get specific info about their potential to be moms and dads someday, information that they were comfortable taking home to their parents that night.

I especially loved connecting with Rev. Elizabeth Alexander, the Pastor of The Church of Gethsemane. What a cool woman. I’ve never seen so many colors worn at once, so amazingly well. She spoke to me a little bit about how hard it was for her to come out - to the LGBT community - as a Presbyterian pastor. I could have spoken to her for hours, and am looking forward to her soon to come contribution to this page as a blogger.

There were so many more. They kept stopping by, even when the rain couldn’t hold out any longer.

You know it’s funny. We as professionals in this world of family building take so much for granted. We think that everyone out there is as up to speed on their baby making options as we are. But you know what? They’re not. Gay or straight, it really doesn’t matter. We have a lot of work to do to make sure - to make really sure - that people know and understand what they can do so that they make the right choices early on, and protect themselves and their futures.

Happy Pride everyone!

Corey Whelan

Program Director

The American Fertility Association

Categories
Adoption • Egg Freezing • Family Building • Gay and Lesbian Family Building • LGBT

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Adventures of a Thirty Something Married Man… at Manicures & Martinis San Francisco

June 10, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by admin

A brilliant idea set forth and put into motion late last year by our Program Director (and frequent blogger) Corey Whelan. I must admit, at first, I was reluctant to support having the staff devote the time and energy necessary to make these things work. I was wrong, but then again…I’m a guy…who’s married…so I’m used to it. What guy is going to walk into a room full of people to discuss infertility? Chances are, I wouldn’t, and I know my buddies wouldn’t - instead we’d have a Bromantic getaway to the Rave 12 Cinemas to see The Hangover (great flick guys). I’m not a woman, so it’s hard for me to judge their perspective as it is for most husbands.

The AFA’s Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention Series targets young women; though anyone can attend…and they do. I had the honor and privilege of hosting Tuesday night’s event at Nova Nail Spa in San Francisco, where Dr. Marcelle Cedars of UCSF spoke to 37 young women and one man. That one man stood at the back of the house and observed. It wasn’t until the end he asked if I organized the event (don’t tell Corey I said “Yes”). After speaking with him for a few minutes he opened up. His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and the chemotherapy she went through probably harmed her ability to conceive a child naturally. The two already have a son. His wife was too shy to come; so he came for her - not wanting a manicure or martini, but simply three minutes with Dr. Cedars. He got it. Now that’s true love. Facing not a room of men talking about std’s, how hot tubs affect sperm, and the issue of why the testicles hang outside of the body, but rather a group of women talking about these exact topics…in detail nonetheless.

Dr. Cedars managed to captivate the crowd for a complete hour and fifteen minutes. Not a soul in the room let out a peep; some took notes; most asked questions. Questions ruled: ranging from exercising during pregnancy to whether endometriosis causes infertility to how ‘water tobacco’ affects fertility. This event was really like nothing I’ve ever seen. The only other Manicures & Martinis event I have attended was the debut event in Manhattan several months ago, but that was our first and we’ve learned and improved a lot since then. At this event, the attendees wouldn’t stop thanking me, praising Dr. Cedars (who stuck around for an extra full thirty minutes afterwards to answer personal questions, by the way), and asking when Manicures & Martinis would return to San Francisco. With the wait list in excess of 15, it’s probably safe to say we’ll be back. The one man, you ask? Well, he’s planning to tell his wife more about the event and is even considering the drive South to Laguna Niguel for our next event on Tuesday, June 16th, which is filling up. I promised to save two seats for him and his wife.

Clearly my ‘Manicure & Martini reluctance’ has completely diminished. The success of this program leads me to believe this series should hit every US city with a population of more than, let’s say…200,000. By the way, I managed to drag my wife to The Hangover last week and the answer is ‘Yes,’ I would absolutely attend Manicures & Martinis in her place. I might even go so far as to recommend guys attend this event of their own free will. Really.

If you haven’t been to Manicures & Martinis, please do. You’ll have the chance as it’s on the way to a city near you.

Brian Armentrout
Communications Director

Returning to the Well

June 8, 2009 - Monday
Posted by admin

By: Lori Holden

Awhile back, my friend Crystal offered to have my children come play at her house for a few hours. Rob had been out of town, and some down time for me sounded reealllly good.

It was a no-brainer. Responsible child watcher? Free time? Of course!

But I had to stop to think a moment.

Because Crystal is Tessa’s firstmom.

“Is this weird?” I thought. “It doesn’t feel weird. It should feel weird. Other people would find it weird. But I am definitely not sensing weird.” The thoughts chugged through my head as I searched for some rain on my parade.

I brought Tessa and Reed to Crystal’s house for an afternoon with her, her son (11) and her stepson (4). I knew Reed (5) would be in heaven with all the weapon-wielding that was about to take place, and I suspected Tessa would find Crystal’s purse endlessly fascinating.

I told the kids to behave, double-checked that Crystal knew she could call me no matter what, and left, almost giddy at the open hours laid out in front of me.

Now, let me expand a bit on my relationship with Tessa. We are going through what seems like teen years, in spite of the fact that she’s not yet 7. She and I butt heads on everything from too-long showers to homework, from talking on the phone to doing her chores. I am hopeful that we will not duplicate this tension when she actually becomes a teenager, but rather that we will have already been-there/done-that (please—don’t be the one to burst my bubble). We each seem to “miss” each other often, and I am reminded of this post about an adoptee’s feelings of being trans-familied. I am frustrated with our disconnect, and I imagine Tessa is, too.

When I returned after my Me Time, Crystal had trimmed Tessa’s hair (they have the same wispy hair, and hairstyling is Crystal’s line of work), painted her nails, and had given her a pair of hand-me-down spiky-heeled purple boots . A beaming Tessa cuddled in my lap while Crystal and I talked.

Once we got home, Tessa said, “Mom, I’m a new person!” I’m not sure if she meant the beautifying activities or what. But for days afterward, SHE WAS DELIGHTFUL, and the fight in her was gone. Witness this:

Tessa wanted to wear the spiky boots to school the next morning and began to have a meltdown. I said, “I’m telling you that those shoes are not appropriate for school. You do what you think will get you the consequences you want.” I was fully expecting her to wear the shoes to school, which would earn me the Bad Mother of the Week Award, and then I would have to throw the boots in the trash after we got home.

But Tessa came to breakfast, smiling and cheerful, wearing her sneakers. I can’t tell you how out of character this is. I was so impressed with her response that I brought the boots when I picked her up from school so she could wear them to the dentist (not as inappropriate there).

Tessa and I are simply more sympatico since her time with Crystal. It’s as if Tessa has been to the well.

I must admit I am pleased with myself that I don’t feel hurt or threatened. I don’t know how to pull teeth, so I take Tessa to the dentist. I don’t like to play house for hours at a time, so I arrange for playdates with friends. I simply can’t fill this emotional need that Tessa seems to have, and another woman can, so I wholeheartedly support these trips to the well.

It works for all of us.

—
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Categories
Adoption • Family Building

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Georgia House Bill 388, The ‘Option for Adoption’ Act.

June 3, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by admin

By: Daniel Shapiro, M.D.

Georgia recently enacted Georgia House Bill 388, the ‘option for adoption’ act. The bill provides legal basis for patients using donated embryos to ‘adopt’ them under the Georgia family law code. This bill is the first of its kind to be enacted and represents one of many attempts by right to life groups to establish ‘personhood’ of embryos. By all prior legal standards and in all reproductive medicine clinics practicing embryo donation, embryos are considered property, not people.

The moral standard implied by this bill is likely to be unconstitutional because it violates the 1st amendment’s establishment clause (separation of church and state). Though reasonable people can certainly argue for the ensoulment of a pro-nuclear embryo, the civil pacts by which we live in this country prevent the supremacy of one religious view over any other or over any irreligious view. Since the concept of personhood is inherently a religious question, this law violates our nation’s constitution. The law also probably violates the 14th amendment (equal protection under the law) since it establishes a special class of human being with rights that supersede the rights of others in the class. Why should an IVF embryo have the right to be adopted and treated as an ‘individual’ while a naturally conceived embryo has no similar protection?

I had the privilege to testify before the Georgia committee hearing this bill before it passed. First let me say that what was originally written was so egregious and foolish that had the original language passed Georgia’s legislature would have looked plain stupid. An attorney with extensive experience in Georgia family law and third party reproduction rewrote much of the bill and eliminated the expressed intent to make all IVF embryos into full grown people. She also crafted the language in a way that makes the bill superfluous in that it only created the option for an expedited adoption process but does not require it. In effect the law does nothing except answer to the rantings of the religious right.

Because the law is vague as to how it is we are supposed to actually proceed with these cases, we in the REI community in Georgia do not foresee any change in our practice. Our consents and contracts with patients have provided for rescission of parental rights in the case of embryo donation from time immemorial. Unless a recipient patient actually tells outside parties how she achieved pregnancy, all anyone would see is a pregnant woman anticipating delivery. Since the overwhelming majority of embryo donations are anonymous, the donor would not know if a) her embryos became pregnancies or b) who actually got pregnant. It is hard to imagine a case where a willing embryo donor would come back and sue for parental rights since said donor wouldn’t know if or when a donation took place. Even if she could discern the above from the unavailability of her former property, she would not know if the procedure actually worked. Someone would have to show a compelling reason for us to violate someone else’s right to privacy and reveal their identity and the circumstances of their embryo recipiency. Ain’t gonna happen. I defy anyone who claims to believe in freedom and autonomy (many are in the same party as the religious right) to explain why the state of Georgia has a compelling interest in unmasking HIPPA protected patients.

Dr Shapiro is board certified in Reproductive Endocrinology and is the former medical director of Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA). He is currently the clinical director of RBA’s egg donor program and the RBA egg bank.

In cases where the embryo donor is not anonymous (a rarity) the bill allows for expedited adoption. Though this may afford a greater level of protection for the recipient’s claim to parentage, the physical reality of labor and delivery is probably a good enough standard under which a couple may establish their claim. To the best of my knowledge, there are no cases of willing embryo donors coming back to claim parental rights. It is equally hard to imagine what would happen if they did. For this law to be applicable at all, the donation, gestation and residence of all the parties would probably have to be in Georgia. If any of the parties, especially the recipient lived out of state, the existing property laws and family statutes of the resident state would likely apply.

From a medical perspective, we could limit our donations only to embryos that came from egg donation and then offer them only to out-of state recipients. This is likely to be unnecessary as again the bill only provides for the adoption option. After the law is enacted on July 1st it would be prudent of us to be sure to document that we informed recipients of the adoption option. Beyond that we see no change to medical practice standards under this bill.

Categories
Adoption • Embryo Donation • Family Building • IVF • Pregnancy

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Georgia House Bill 388

June 2, 2009 - Tuesday
Posted by admin

By Melissa Brisman Esq. and Laurren Cuozzo Esq.

“The first ever embryo adoption act has passed and was signed into law in the United States. The repercussions of this very well may be far reaching and extreme, not only for individuals pursuing third party reproduction, but for the entire area of the law known as reproductive rights. We at The AFA will be covering this highly disturbing and important issue, as well as all of its ramifications extensively. As a first step, we determined that full understanding of Georgia House Bill 388 is important for our readers and we turned to Melissa Brisman, Esq. and Lauren Cuozzo, Esq. to clarify it for you, below. Please check The AFA blog often for updates.” - The AFA Staff

The Option of Adoption Act, Georgia House Bill 388, is the nation’s first ever embryo adoption bill. It passed the Georgia House by a vote of 108 to 61 and was signed into law by Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. It will take effect July 1st of this year. Once enacted, this law will allow recipients of donated embryos to “adopt” those embryos. These recipients can petition the Georgia superior court for a pre-birth order of adoption or “parentage.” However, recipients will still need to enter into a valid contract with the current “custodian” of the embryos. Where the “custodian” of the embryos to be donated created those embryos through the use of another donor, the court order (that recipients receive from the superior court) will terminate the rights of the genetic donor as well as the donating individual or couple. As a general matter, this law does not simplify the process for recipients of donated embryos. It creates more paperwork, court orders, and costs in a process that is currently relatively painless and less expensive than an adoption.

The new law defines an “embryo” as “an individual fertilized ovum of the human species from the single-cell stage to eight-week development.” It is unusual to describe a fertilized egg as an “individual” at the “single-cell stage.” Most people, including scientists and medical professionals, would not use this definition. According to the language of this law, these embryos are no longer “donated” by a donor but instead are “adopted” from a “guardian.” Not every embryo results in a baby. Under this law, recipients could incur the expense of “adopting” an embryo that never results in a child.

Melissa B. Brisman, Esq., LLC, located in Park Ridge, New Jersey. Melissa Brisman can be reached at [email protected] and http://www.reproductivelawyer.com.

Lauren Cuozzo. Associate at the firm, Melissa B. Brisman, Esq., LLC. Ms. Cuozzo can be reached at [email protected].

Categories
Adoption • Donor Egg • Embryo Donation • Family Building • Frozen Embryos • Third Party Reproduction

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