The American Fertility Association Blog
News Alert: There Are 50 States & Michael Jackson’s Children Were Born in Only One - California
July 2, 2009 - Thursday
Posted by admin
California is one of the only states that permits the intent of the parent(s) to govern their parental rights, so that the intended parent (or intended parents) are listed as the legal parents on the birth certificate, regardless of biological connection, so long as this intent is formalized in an agreement/consent.
I, like all of us, have been intently watching the news involving Michael Jackson and his children, yet what amazes me is that lawyers on TMZ and other national news outlets are declaring that Michael “never formally adopted the children.” Therefore, he must not be the father of these children…..And, they then ask, who are the parents of these children?
Well, guess what? He is the father - no adoption required in this case no matter if he is the biological father or not, which appears to be the case for all three children. In California, surrogacy law is very clear as to who is the parent, regardless of biological connection, based upon intent. We can only guess at the facts in this case, but a birth in California with a surrogate, egg donor and sperm donor, will not affect his rights to these children, or the rights of his children to his estate. The only uncertainty is the fact that he was married to Ms. Rowe at the time of the birth of the first two children. She may certainly have a claim if she remains on the birth certificate, again even if an egg donor was used.
What people have to remember is that almost all people have the desire to be a parent, even Michael Jackson, so we need to remember his intentions to be a father, instead of focusing on the drama surrounding these children. Let’s hope they can move forward without their father in their lives and become successful adults without the media making it worse
See more on Channel 10 News and my interview.
Theresa Erickson, Esq.
Erickson Law
Categories
Adoption •
Donor Egg •
Family Building •
Surrogacy
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Madoff and Jackson and Family, Oh My.
June 30, 2009 - Tuesday
Posted by Corey
Can’t choose ‘em. Your family that is. So much has been going on in the press lately, what else is new? Instead of focusing on Health Care, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, it is so much easier to focus on personalities and their stories, especially if they are tragic. Good luck to you if you try to avoid it.
Yup, family.
Family men. I remember a few months ago the New York Times ran a story on the male biological clock http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/05/magazine/05wwln-lede-t.html that really gave me pause. It featured a photo of Pablo Picasso as an old, yet vigorous man, holding up his baby son Claude. About a hundred years ago I was friends with Claude’s ex wife, Sara, in NYC and I remembered that photo immediately. Sara and I were young women together, selling advertising for the New York Yellow Pages and we used to laugh over that picture. Sara always referred to Claude as “Pablo Picasso’s illegitimate son Claude”.
But it was always clear to me (and to Sara too) that Pablo loved his son. The love of a father for his son, for his child, is one of the most precious things on earth, of that I’m sure.
Fathers.
When I first heard that Michael Jackson had died my first reaction was ‘holy shit”. Yours too I bet. But my second reaction was, how are those kids, Michael’s kids? And to be honest, and I said this to Brian (Armentrout, The AFA’s Communications Director) “Are his kids better off now?” Because I remembered that horrible footage of Michael dangling his son off of the balcony. Who doesn’t? Who could possibly forget that image. And I remembered the charges of child molestation, later dismissed. As the days have gone by, and more and more voices have risen to the surface, I think I was wrong in my second reaction to Michael’s death. I don’t think his kids are better off. I think that Michael was unusual, yes. Oh boy yes. But I think he loved his children, and clearly wanted them so much that he hired two surrogates to conceive them.
Madoff, I can’t even stand writing his name on paper. My friend Jamie works for Hadassah and my own extended family was hurt by Madoff. Not that you need a personal connection to hate this man. And you know what else? This is awful but I think he’s sexy. Someone that evil doesn’t have the right to be sexy. But I can see how he scammed people, that’s for sure. Gawd, how lousy is that!
So. Does Madoff love his sons? Is he protecting them now? He almost lost one son to cancer, did he actually scam, and deceive, a child of his own that he thought might not outlive him? Does Madoff love his sons?
Oh boy, family. We at The AFA help you make ‘em. What you do after that, is up to you.
Corey Whelan
Program Director
The American Fertility Association
Categories
Family Building
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Child-Free Living on Father’s Day
June 22, 2009 - Monday
Posted by admin
About 10 years ago, I received a call from my dad just before Father’s Day. My mom had recently died from her second bout with cancer, and my dad and I had become extremely close as a result. After the usual check-in conversation (how are you feeling, how are the dogs, etc…) he asked if my partner and I had thought about having children, and if so, when he might look forward to that blessed event.
I was caught a little off guard, and all I could say was “why?”
My coming out about a decade earlier was not initially well-received. For my mom, who told me she had known since I was a teenager, it removed any plausible denial that she had left, and solidified in my mind that mothers are truly psychic. For my dad, it was an event of seismic proportion, but not for the reasons that you might imagine. I was a baseball fan (go Giants then, go Diamondbacks now) and a private pilot - two activities that he in no way associated with being gay. “But you like sports!” was a phrase I got used to hearing over and over again as he sought to come to terms with my announcement.
Though everything smoothed out very quickly thanks to our nieces and nephews immediately accepting us, we had never broached the topic of having children with our parents. Not that we hadn’t thought about it. In fact, we had been giving it serious consideration for about six months when my dad popped the question. And that’s really the point of my writing today. Because everyone that I know who considered having children, the decision was not a casual one. As a gay couple, we considered adoption. There are many worthy organizations out there, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption being one of the best. What about surrogacy? Growing Generations which was one of the pioneers of surrogacy for the gay community, offered another option.
In looking back, our wrestling with the question was about us getting to the place where we recognized that child-free living was an equal option to having a child, so the decision could be made from that perspective. There were many considerations that went into our process, many of them purely emotional and all of them highly personal. My partner was - and still is - a second grade teacher. He has a brilliant way of interacting with children that most parents only aspire to and genuinely loves being with kids and teaching them. For my part, every time I held one of our friends’ babies, something inside me felt great. I kind of melted into the little one in my arms. We thought about how happy it would make my dad and my partner’s parents to have another grandchild. We looked at the practical side as well, knowing the costs involved, both financial and emotional. We looked at the rewards of guiding someone from infancy to adulthood and to deep satisfaction that we imagined in seeing our child live out his or her full potential. Perhaps most importantly, we asked ourselves what was as the heart of the matter, and the answer was creating family.
Ultimately, we opted for child-free living. And we realized that we had constructed a family around us that fulfilled our needs and that allowed us to contribute to others. A family that included our parents, our sisters and brothers, our nieces and nephews, our godchildren, our friends’ children, our friends at church, and yes - even our dog. Because for us family is that most special group of people that we choose to surround ourselves with, and that may or may not be related to us through birth. It is the group that we want to accompany us on our journey on earth. It was not an easy decision, but for us, it was the right one, and ten years later, it still feels right.
I’m going to give my dad a call in a few minutes to wish him a Happy Father’s Day, and to thank him for the answer to my oh-so-simple question 10 years ago when I asked him “why” he wondered if we were going to become parents. “Because,” he replied, “I think you and Bob would make great dads.”
Happy Father’s Day, dad. I love you.
Ken Mosesian
Executive Director
Categories
Adoption •
Donor Egg •
Egg Donation •
Family Building •
Surrogacy •
Third Party Reproduction
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Story of the Three Must-Haves
June 19, 2009 - Friday
Posted by admin
When my partner and I decided to get pregnant, the first step was finding a sperm donor who would help us conceive a child. Over the course of our attempt to get pregnant, we used one known donor and 5 anonymous donors.
We initially focused on finding a known donor because we wanted our child to have the potential to know this person when they were older. We established a few criteria: they must be in a monogamous relationship, should have children, and who was willing to be identified as the donor. We didn’t want him to co-parent, but we did hope he would be open to being in our lives as a friend. We approached a few of our friends, and a couple even approached us.
Not surprisingly, many declined because they didn’t feel they could remain uninvolved, especially those with children. These men are great fathers, and though they wanted to help us, they were afraid of remaining uninvolved with a child that was biologically related to them. A couple times, it was the female partner who offered their male partners’ gametes. These conversations often originated after a few drinks, and both time the men rescinded their partners’ offer. Many times, these conversations were light-hearted and respectful, but didn’t progress beyond the initial inquiry. After a year, we finally found someone who was interested in helping out and he underwent testing. We hired lawyers specializing in family law to draw up the legal contracts which would protect everyone’s rights, but we found out he would still have to sign over his parental rights after a child was born so that Barbara could adopt. We ended the agreement when no pregnancies occurred after a year of trying at home inseminations with fresh semen, and we remain friends with him to this day.
Rather than re-initiate the whole process of finding a known donor, we decided to turn to an anonymous sperm bank to provide the missing gametes. We started the process with a long list of criteria which included a decent sense of humor, not too religious, blue or green eyes, no family cancer history, between 5’9” and 6’2,” European descent, and willing to be known when the child turned 18. Many sperm banks offer a range of information for free and for a small fee. Most even offer a photo matching service where the non-biological parent (male or female) can send a picture and a donor with similar features will be suggested. Sperm banks are pretty similar in policies and information, but there was tremendous diversity in costs, free online information, and availability of donors. In addition to having a wide range of choices, there were clear legal benefits to using an anonymous donor that protected us from a potential parental challenge we could have faced from a known donor.
We used five different donors from two banks before we finally got pregnant via IVF and ICSI. The longer it took to get pregnant, the shorter our criteria list got until we ended up with three “must-haves.” Those must-haves included no family history of cancer, a height range, and someone willing to be known in the future. The earlier list reflected our personal values and physical characteristics, but in the end, our number one goal was to have a baby. We achieved that goal, met the three must-have criteria, and realized that it didn’t really matter if the donor had a sense of humor or a happy childhood. The only things that really mattered were that our son would be loved, nurtured, and cared for by two loving parents thanks to the help of a third person’s generosity. I don’t know if the young man knows the joy he has brought to our life, but I hope we get a chance to meet him some day and thank him in person.
Sierra Hansen
Categories
Donor Sperm •
Family Building •
IUI •
IVF •
LGBT •
Sperm Donation
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From the Outside, Looking In
June 18, 2009 - Thursday
Posted by admin
The questions, statements, and facts surrounding infertility prevention never cease to amaze me. Each time I hear something on the topic which I’ve heard a dozen times before, it still drops my jaw. Tuesday evening we had a delightful group of 27 women take part in a discussion about infertility prevention, led by Dr. Brian Acacio, of Acacio Fertility Center in Laguna Niguel. It was the latest, in a string of very successful Manicures & Martinis events, The AFA’s national infertility prevention series.
Questions asked at previous events were asked Tuesday night; the discussion went well past sixty minutes; and the women (including and especially the manicurists) were enthralled with Dr. Acacio’s wit and sense-of-humor used to deliver information on such a serious topic. So, besides the obvious, like the speaker and location, what made this one different from the rest? There are plenty of differences which, frankly, are hard to explain. But, a few come to mind: one being Joanne Brown. Ms. Brown enjoyed a Fertilitiini™, enjoyed a manicure, and enjoys life. You see, she struggled with infertility and is now the proud mama of a five month old baby boy, thanks to Dr. Acacio’s help. Her reason for attending was to make herself available to the group of young women for questions. You could tell she has a strong and unique bond with Dr. Acacio and his staff. Whether it’s Dr. Acacio or another fertility specialist - she was there to reassure the ladies there is help out there, when and if they need it. Hopefully they won’t.
Most grandparents (and parents, of course) proudly display photos of their prized possessions on their desk, or in this case on their manicures station. When the event was over one of the manicurists raced over to Mary Garbarino of Acacio Fertility Center with a large picture frame in hand, housing a photo of a beautiful young boy and girl, and said, “these are my two frozen embryo grandbabies,” as her eyes welled up with joy.
Or how about the couple Dr. Acacio mentioned hearing about. The couple attempted intrauterine insemination (IUI) five times, only to discover it was male factor infertility which accounts for some part in 40% of all infertility cases. A tremendous amount of money which could have been saved, had only the guy gotten a simple a simple sperm test (a whopping fifty bucks).
Joann, the manicurist, and the IUI couple have already been there, done that. Their stories not only provide hope, but their experiences also serve as an incredibly valuable educational tool. Furthermore, The AFA is committed to making sure you’re well aware of all facets of family building. I provided live Twitter updates throughout the evening with some tidbits of information I’ve heard a dozen times before, but never cease to amaze me (if you missed them, check out our twitter page at http://www.twitter.com/amfertassoc). Since my wife and I aren’t trying to have a child yet, the infertility prevention series is of incredible value to me - each time I attend. At this point, I’m simply an outsider looking in, and by doing so from this vantage point, I may one day look back and think this is the best lesson I’ve ever learned.
Categories
Family Building •
Fertility •
Fertility Preservation •
Frozen Embryos •
Infertility •
IUI
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