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The American Fertility Association Blog

Welcoming Jesse

May 27, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by admin

By:  Sierra Hansen

When my partner announced 7 years ago she wanted to start a family, I was speechless. We never really talked about getting pregnant because we knew it would require money and effort and we simply weren’t ready to initiate the whole process. She was 37 and I was 31, so it was obvious she would go first. We announced our plans to get pregnant to all of our friends, asked for tons of advice, found a friend willing to be our donor, and tried to get pregnant.

And tried, and tried, and tried. We adopted a laissez faire attitude because like many women our ages, we thought as soon as we decided to get pregnant, it would be a snap.  It wasn’t. After 7 years, we used 6 different sperm donors (known and unknown), underwent ~30 IUIs, 18 which were medically assisted with drugs, and finally one IVF procedure which culminated in a happy 9 month old boy.

At first, we were giddy with excitement every time we tried to inseminate, and we held our collective breath for the two weeks between trying and the first pregnancy test. After a year, we began to wonder if we shouldn’t talk to a specialist. We did, and it was eye-opening. We thought we were well-informed and educated about our fertility. Boy, were we wrong. So, we initiated a much more strategic, medically-assisted plan with a great physician who shared the startling truth about reproductive health. He brought up concerns about my partner’s age, and suggested we only try 6 IUI’s before we consider IVF or switching to me. We began to dread the two week wait, especially when our friends were constantly enquiring how the baby-making was coming along. We finally told people that no news was bad news, and most got the hint.

Meanwhile, we watched a number of our straight and gay friends have one and two babies. We rubbed pregnant bellies and babysat as much as possible hoping some good luck would rub off on us. After the 6 IUI’s with our doctor wrapped up the second year of trying, my partner had given up and it was my turn. She tried to keep her chin up, but I knew she was devastated. I did my best to support her, and we turned our hopes to my getting pregnant quickly. We took a few months off to recoup our energy and spirits and started again.

When I started, we didn’t tell anybody except for our closest friends. We just couldn’t handle the monthly barrage of questions, and the seemingly inevitable “No news is bad news” response. Our best friends tried to be supportive, but after 11 cycles of drug-assisted IUI’s, we began to isolate ourselves from them. One day, about 2 months before we knew we would have to make the decision to go forward with IVF or remain childless, we invited our neighbors who were walking by in for a glass of wine. She announced no wine for her because she was expecting, patting her belly to reinforce the announcement. A month earlier they were not even sure they wanted kids and all of a sudden they were pregnant. I wanted to yell at them, slam the door, crumple into a ball and cry. I didn’t. Somehow, I found the courage to invite them in, offer her a glass of water, and toast their good fortune. We did pull back from them, and our close friends, after letting them know we were really struggling with the inability to get pregnant. Our friends understood when we crawled into our shells.

When we initiated the IVF, our physician was incredibly optimistic. The most optimistic he had been in a long time. While my inability to get pregnant via IUI stumped him, he thought I would be a good candidate for IVF success. He was right. After all the shots, pills, ultrasounds, and blood tests, my doctor harvested 21 eggs, fertilized 14, and eventually 5 made it to blastocyst. We froze three, and two were transferred. One took, and when a beautiful 8lb, 6oz baby boy was born 9 months later, we named him Jesse. I had the easiest pregnancy in the world and Jesse is an amazing baby. Today we feel very lucky and grateful that we have a child with big blue eyes who sleeps through the night. However, we try to educate our friends who seek information about getting pregnant at every opportunity. If our experience can help shorten the time it takes another couple, we’ll consider it a bonus.

Best,

Sierra Hansen

To read more about Gay Moms Doing Well Despite Prop 8, click here

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elizabeth-gregory/gay-moms-doing-well_b_207455.html

Sierra Hansen and her partner, Barbara, have been together for 14 years, and last August she gave birth to a baby boy. She is currently a graduate student at the University of Washington researching on infertility genetics, policy, and law.

Categories
Donor Sperm • Family Building • Fertility • Fertility Drugs • Frozen Sperm • Gay and Lesbian Family Building • IUI • IVF • LGBT • Pregnancy • Sperm Donation

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Secrets

May 20, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Corey

I was interviewed by Vogue Magazine today about the Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention Program.  The editor wanted to know what the most important take home message from the series was.  I circled around that for awhile and this is what I truly think.  More than anything else on the planet, people are entitled to their own personal truth.  The truth about themselves.  And women deserve to know the truth about their own biological clocks and what their bodies can and can’t do.

Personal truth.  In my view, people have the right to know.  Were they were donor inseminated?  Or adopted?  Carried by a surrogate?  Whatever it is, we all have the right to know. 

You know what?  Facebook has been very good to me.  I have reconnected with friends and family I haven’t seen in years and years but never stopped loving.  I have brought lots of family back into my life, among them, seven cousins, especially my cousin Robyn who is one of the true loves of my life.  But another cousin too, who was adopted in 1955, the same year I was born.  But you know what’s really weird - I don’t think he knows he’s adopted.  And here we sit, reconnecting over coffee after all these years, and I have a secret.  His secret.  We are both in our fifties, and even after all this time, it’s so bizarre.  I don’t think he knows that we are not biologically linked.  And to tell you the truth, it is making me crazy. 

God, how the world has changed since the 1950’s, it’s like another planet, not another era.  I have a funny photograph of my cousin being bottle fed by his mom while she is holding a cigarette in the same hand.  Child abuse by today’s standards.

My cousin has a right to know.  And I don’t know what the hell to do.

Corey Whelan
Program Director
The American Fertility Association

Categories
Adoption • Donor Sperm • Fertility Preservation • Infertility • IUI • Surrogacy

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Manicures & Martinis & MDs

May 14, 2009 - Thursday
Posted by admin

By Lori Holden

One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things just doesn’t belong
Can you guess which thing is not like the others...?

The Sesame Street song was in my head as the nail tech pushed back my cuticles at the American Fertility Association‘s Manicures & Martinis event in Denver.

I was in a room full of beautiful 20-somethings.  Tanned legs, cute sun dresses, fresh skin. We were all guests of the AFA to begin thinking about our fertility and to listen to three doctors from Conceptions Reproductive Associates of Colorado.

I ONCE had tanned legs.  I ONCE wore cute sundresses that didn’t have spaghetti sauce in some not-so-hidden crease.  I ONCE had fresh skin.

But I never, in my 20s, worried about my fertility.  Back then, we were trying hard NOT to get pregnant. And, we were told, “people have babies well into their 40s—you have plenty of time.”

So when I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31, I was not concerned.  When we married at 32, I was not concerned.  When, after a year of not exactly trying to become pregnant but not really trying not to, I began to grow concerned.

I could have used a night like this back then.  Or even before then.

After welcoming remarks by AFA Executive Director Ken Mosesian, Drs. Swanson, Bush and Albrecht told about substances and activities that can decrease fertility in both men and women.  They shared results of studies on everything from egg health to treatment success rates to timing of intercourse.  They entertained questions about an alphabet-soup of issues:  PCOS, POF, MFI, OHSS, IVF, IUI and the rest of the infertility lexicon.

(I am now reading The Land of IF: Understanding Infertility and Exploring your Options, so I was able to follow the technical parts. Mostly.)

The good doctors were informative and charming, and I could see trusting them with my fertility hopes, if I had been like the others instead of being a tired mom having a rare night out with an organization I’m now blogging for.

How did my story turn out?  Well, we never did get the better of our fertility.  Our one shot at IVF was a failure, and we faced it alone and isolated in the days before online support groups, blogs, forums and the AFA.

But we did become parents, nonetheless.  In 2001, we were at our daughter’s birth, and remain in contact with her first parents in a fully open adoption.  Two years later, her brother joined us as an infant, and our family was complete.

Lest you think I’m blowing the age gap out of proportion, check out the local news clip.  You’ll see my back (I’m talking with the doctors) at 1:12 where the voice over says, “Most importantly, know about the AGE FACTOR.”

Even though I was not like the others—wanting to know the ways to preserve my fertility—I did somehow manage to enjoy my manicure and martini.

Some things are universal.

Lori Holden blogs about open adoption and mindful living amid chaos at Weebles Wobblog, and she dishes up sassy reviews at All Thumbs Reviews.  Lori has recently joined the AFA as a contributing blogger.
--
http://WeeblesWobblog.blogspot.com ...mindful living amid chaos

http://AllThumbsReviews.blogspot.com ...sassy reviews by sassy chicks

@BestLight ...follow me on Twitter
http://twitter.com/BestLight

Categories
Adoption • Fertility Preservation • IUI • IVF • PCOS • Pregnancy • Reproductive Health

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