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The American Fertility Association Blog
Secrets
May 20, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Corey
I was interviewed by Vogue Magazine today about the Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention Program. The editor wanted to know what the most important take home message from the series was. I circled around that for awhile and this is what I truly think. More than anything else on the planet, people are entitled to their own personal truth. The truth about themselves. And women deserve to know the truth about their own biological clocks and what their bodies can and can’t do.
Personal truth. In my view, people have the right to know. Were they were donor inseminated? Or adopted? Carried by a surrogate? Whatever it is, we all have the right to know.
You know what? Facebook has been very good to me. I have reconnected with friends and family I haven’t seen in years and years but never stopped loving. I have brought lots of family back into my life, among them, seven cousins, especially my cousin Robyn who is one of the true loves of my life. But another cousin too, who was adopted in 1955, the same year I was born. But you know what’s really weird - I don’t think he knows he’s adopted. And here we sit, reconnecting over coffee after all these years, and I have a secret. His secret. We are both in our fifties, and even after all this time, it’s so bizarre. I don’t think he knows that we are not biologically linked. And to tell you the truth, it is making me crazy.
God, how the world has changed since the 1950’s, it’s like another planet, not another era. I have a funny photograph of my cousin being bottle fed by his mom while she is holding a cigarette in the same hand. Child abuse by today’s standards.
My cousin has a right to know. And I don’t know what the hell to do.
Corey Whelan
Program Director
The American Fertility Association
Categories
Adoption •
Donor Sperm •
Fertility Preservation •
Infertility •
IUI •
Surrogacy
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The Real Grey’s Anatomy Cliffhhanger - What Will They Do With Izzy’s Embryos?
May 16, 2009 - Saturday
Posted by admin
12:15 p.m.
By: Steven H. Snyder, Esq.
O.K., Izzy and Alex have a baby. Well, sort of. But they are going to have a baby, right? Well, maybe. If Izzy lives. Even if she doesn’t live? Hmmm . . . If this were happening in the real world, what would be the odds and possible outcomes? Let’s see if we can write the script(s) for next year’s opening episode.
T.V. Show Background: Izzy has cancer, and she is worried that her treatment and/or outcome may affect her fertility. She is in love with Alex (or is she still in love with the ghost of Denny?), so, in spite of the fact that they are not yet married, she and Alex undergo in vitro fertilization and create embryos for storage and future use using Izzy’s eggs and Alex’s sperm. Izzy has surgery (but can’t remember it), and now we just don’t know if she is going to live or die. But those embryos are there, and Alex, now that he has married Izzy, will definitely survive (barring an unexpected off-season car accident - one never knows!).
Legal Background: I won’t bore you with details, but the courts in the U.S. have had occasion to address the status, possession, and use of embryos.
The soap opera summary is that embryos are generally regarded as neither property nor persons (except in a very rare state like Louisiana); they occupy some category in between and are entitled to “special respect” because of their potential for human life. (This means that accidentally destroying an embryo won’t subject the responsible party to murder charges or wrongful death lawsuits, but the persons whose sperm and eggs are used to create them are entitled to possession, control, and recovery of their own embryos.) Therefore, if a clinic (or hospital like Seattle Grace) wants to keep or control the embryos against the wishes of the genetic parents, they it can’t. The parents get the embryos and can move them or use them as they wish as long as they agree.
If the parents don’t agree on the use of the embryos, especially where they get divorced, there are a variety of theories that determine whether either parent can use the embryos against the wishes of the other. Again, generally speaking, if the parents disagree, the parent who does NOT want to use the embryos wins. (Just as a person has the right to procreate, each also has the right not to procreate.) The courts have not yet forced a person under these circumstances to procreate against his or her will. This may be because the documents the couple signed at the hospital stated that they couldn’t use them, it may be in spite of what the documents say because of intervening changes in their circumstances, or it may simply be because the parent seeking to use the embryos has other options to procreate without the sperm or egg of the former partner.
If one of the parents dies, the embryos generally belong to both parents, so the survivor should be able to use them as he or she sees fit. This is particularly true if the documents signed at the hospital at the time of the IVF procedure give the survivor permission. If there are documents, the hospital will honor them, and the courts will likely give them full force and effect. (Did we ever hear about or see any such documents in that episode? Hmmm . . .)
The real question if one parent dies is whether, if and when the survivor uses the embryos, the resulting children are the legal children and heirs of both parents (including the deceased parent) or just the surviving parent. If the surviving parent is the man, the only options for use of the embryos becomes through a surrogate or the man’s subsequent significant other (or wife?). If it is with a new partner who intends to parent the child, it is unclear who the child’s legal parent will be - the deceased genetic mother’s or the new birth-parent partner’s? Is this more like a surrogacy or an egg/embryo donation? Will the child inherit from the genetic father’s estate, the deceased genetic mother’s estate, the birth-mother partner’s estate, or all three. (Whatever happened to that huge inheritance Izzy received?)
The courts have not dealt specifically with this issue to my knowledge except in the context of social security benefits for posthumously conceived and born children. The question for social security purposes (simplistically put) is whether the deceased parent had the duty to support the child under the law of the state where it was born. Most states have answered this question, “Yes,” and children born up to 2 ½ years after the death of one parent have become eligible for social security dependent survivor benefits.
So. Back to the world of T.V.
Izzy lives and she and Alex stay married: They use the embryos cooperatively. They have children, and they live happily ever after (or until one of them suffers some other debilitating disease and dies). (Maybe they both die later and Meredith and McDreamy become guardians of the resulting children and raise them as their own!)
Izzy lives and realizes she should never have married Alex and divorces him: They fight over control and use of the embryos. We may find out whether they have any signed agreements (and which doctor advised them about their effect). Whatever the outcome, the person not wanting to have babies with the embryos wins (I think). (Does this change if Izzy wants to use them without Alex, and her cancer has left her unable to have children any other way? Hmmm . . . )
Izzy dies and Alex is so crushed he can’t ever love anyone else and just has to have Izzy’s children: He should have control over the embryos (but check out the documents and consents they may have signed), so he uses a surrogate to gestate the children and becomes a single parent. He subsequently applies for social security benefits for the children and succeeds (as long as they weren’t born too long after Izzy’s demise). Is Izzy’s inheritance still floating around, is it in trust, and can the children benefit from it? Hmmmm . . .
Izzy dies and Alex realizes he really loves Callie, and they get married and use the embryos: Do the documents at the hospital allow this much leeway to Alex? If so, he and Callie have the children, and we find out whose kids they legally are and whether they inherit from only one or both mothers, genetic and birth. My vote is that Callie becomes the legal mother, and the children retain the right to inherit form Izzy’s huge estate (or was that all donated to charity?)
I wish I could be inside the minds of the writers of Grey’s. It would make it so much easier to predict what is really going to happen. The interesting (and, perhaps, somewhat scary) thing is that T.V. is just following real life. The questions discussed somewhat lightly above are very real, very serious questions that will someday have to be decided in the real world. Perhaps this just gives us the opportunity to reflect, become aware, and better prepare ourselves for our own life’s decisions. Good luck!
Steven H. Snyder, Esq., is the founding and principal partner of Steven H. Snyder & Associates, ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Mr. Snyder’s primary areas of practice are Assisted Reproductive Technology Law and related Estate Planning.
Categories
Egg Freezing •
Family Building •
IVF •
Surrogacy
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Why is an Escrow Agent/Account a good idea In a surrogacy arrangement?
February 11, 2009 - Wednesday
Posted by Lisa
Escrow accounts. Some swear by them. Some hate the idea. But I am here to give you MY ‘professional’ opinion and hopefully you will see the beauty in the simplicity of the reason behind an Escrow account.
At the signing of the contract the Intended Parents’s deposit the entire amount of the surrogate fees including an estimate of co-pays, possible child care, possible housekeeping, lost wages etc. with their chosen escrow agent. (That person or firm will most likely be your own attorney or they will be able to recommend someone.) It may cost an additional $1,000+ but it will be well worth it. My motto has always been don’t mix money with babies and this keeps it as separate as it can be under these circumstances. (The escrow account is not set up for medical, clinical, psychological, or anything other then the surrogate’s direct surrogacy/pregnancy related expenses.) If you are working with a first time surrogate with insurance this amount could be between $18,000 and $22,000. Yes, that is a lot of your hard earned money to have in an non-interest baring account but it’s best to have everyone involved know that if there is a pregnancy the money is there and ready. If, and I mean IF, there is no pregnancy, then any money not used will be returned back to the IP’s. (Money may have been subtracted for start of medications fees or transfer fees, mileage, lost wages, etc.)
Moving forward....your surrogate is pregnant. She has receipts and monthly base fees and possible travel expenses. Money that she needs to be reimbursed from somewhere. If the money has been deposited with an escrow agent then your surrogate only needs to have financial conversations with that person handling your money. The escrow agent then will call you, the IP’s, if there is an unusual request that isn’t specified in the contract. Usually, if all requests are only the base fee or maternity clothing etc, then a monthly statement is sent unless another arrangement has been made. Having your surrogate only discuss money, payments, reimbursements, compensation, (whatever you want to call it) with your escrow agent allows YOU, the IP’s, to have conversations with your surrogate about the more important issues that are going on like the latest OB appointments, how she is feeling, what she is planning on doing next weekend, how her family is, what color you are painting the baby’s room....much more pleasant don’t you think, then “Hey, I need $5.95 for that prescription I picked up yesterday.” or “I hate to say anything but my monthly check is a 10 days late.”
I mentioned that these were simple reasons to have an escrow agent however writing it all out made it seem longer then I wanted! In all seriousness, please consider making your life easier and your surrogate more comfortable by using an escrow account. Its worth it in the end!
Sharon LaMothe
InfertilityAnswers.net
Categories
Surrogacy •
Third Party Reproduction
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Super Tuesday - Are You Voting For Your Family?
February 4, 2008 - Monday
Posted by Stuart
Today, when voters from 24 states go to the polls to select the candidates who will represent the major parties in the next election, I’m thinking about how direct our democracy is. I’m thinking about how I voted by absentee ballot for the people who represent my family’s best interests. Not just the family I have at this moment, but the one I’ll have in three weeks when my son is due to be delivered, and the one I reserve the right to have in the future.
As one-half of a gay couple with our first child ready to be born through the amazing assistance of an egg donor and surrogate, I’m keenly aware of the huge strides we’ve made in legalizing many types of family formation. At the same time, I’m acutely conscious of how all that progress could be taken away with the stroke of a pen or the judgment of a court.
That’s why I know deep in my bones that my vote makes a difference. Yours does too.
I suppose it all came home last week I was at lunch with a friend who told me she was voting for one of the candidates who I think is probably the worst on many of the issues that the AFA stands for. I was a little upset at my friend, the mother of two children via surrogacy, for not factoring in reproductive and family building rights into her candidate selection criteria.
Now while I’m gay, and she’s straight, I realized then and there, this isn’t about the politics of sexual orientation. This is about the threats to the basic human right to have family. This is about the threat to assisted reproductive medicine that could wipe out our choice to freeze embryos and to dispose of unused ones according to our individual moral codes. This is about fending off constant challenges to selective reduction, egg donation, genetic diagnosis, surrogacy and gamete donation. And we’ve got to be alert and educated because sometimes the assaults are obvious and sometimes, as in the Colorado push to confer the legal rights of personhood on a fertilized egg, stealthy. We take many of these rights for granted but each of these has come under attack in the last few years.
When I read the papers, listen carefully to the platforms of various candidates, I do know we’ve got to be grounded enough to vote for those who will stand up for the essential right to create family in the ways that are suitable to us. Not according to the ideological dictates of a given administration. But according to our individual hearts.
Knowing just how fragile our family buiding rights are, I believe that this next election is crucial. The results will have a profound impact on our future and that of succeeding generations. I’m voting with all of that in mind. All I can say is I hope you will too.
Stuart Miller
Co-Chair
American Fertility Association
Categories
Adoption •
Egg Donation •
Family Building •
Surrogacy
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Whose Story Is This Anyway?
November 13, 2007 - Tuesday
Posted by Stuart
Our industry is engaging in serious conversations around disclosure issues for children born through sperm and egg donation. As the CEO of a surrogacy and egg donation company, I am involved in these conversations almost daily with both professionals and clients.
But, it is also personal as my partner and I are 28 weeks pregnant with our son through the assistance of an egg donor and surrogate.
We have heard every opinion about this issue—most laced with quite a bit of judgment. One close friend who is also the father of three children through surrogacy and egg donation actually “scolded” me for disclosing to our friends and family who the sperm donor is. “You are taking away the child’s right to tell their own story and that is not right,” he said.
But, my parents never asked me if I wanted it disclosed that they had created me with my father’s sperm and my mother’s egg—and, horrors, that they actually had sex to do it! So, whose story is this anyway?
My partner and I are a mixed-race couple. He is African American and I am white—some would say pale! We decided that we wanted our child to be a reflection of both of us so we picked a white donor who has some resemblance to me and used my partner’s sperm. For us, it was an easy decision and one which we are proud of.
We decided to share this with everyone as neither of us believes that it makes one bit of difference in who the “parents” are. Let’s face it, like many people, we needed help in creating our family and we want to make sure that our child understands that he was created with love and thoughtfulness.
As gay men, we endured shame in our own lives and we certainly don’t want our child feeling any shame for how he was created. We want him to know and celebrate his story.
So, are we ruining our child’s life? I sure hope not. But, I am sure there may be a day when he looks at me and says, “You aren’t my real daddy,” and that will break my heart a bit. But, I will look right in his eyes and tell him I love him and that I am his real daddy, and that he is a very lucky young man to have one that loves him as much as I do.
For all of you out there struggling with this issue, I encourage you to stay engaged in the conversation. And, as the Co-Chair of the American Fertility Association, I will promise you that we’ll stay engaged in the conversation with you as well—and do so without judgment.
All the best,
Stuart Miller
Co-Chair
American Fertility Association
Categories
Egg Donation •
Surrogacy
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